Breaking Burgh - A satirical blog serving Western Pennsylvania and beyond

Politics, Science June 18, 2018

Martians Respond To Creation Of Space Force By Acquiring Nuclear Weapons

Saying they were determined not to suffer the fate of Libya’s Colonel Gaddafi, the Supreme Soviet of the Red Planet today announced it is now a nuclear celestial body. “We watch the Earth news and…

Politics June 18, 2018

Pittsburgh Post-Gazette Introduces New Editorial Cartoonist Reeve Cannon

Having fired its longtime cartoonist and frequent Trump critic, Rob Rogers, the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette today announced his replacement, freshman political cartoonist Reeve Cannon. Cannon revealed that is not his real name, which he is with-holding…

Politics June 17, 2018

Trump Takes Credit For Introducing Government-Funded Daycare And Nightcare

Saying he was stealing liberal causes right out of his opponent’s hands, President Trump took credit today for piloting a scheme to ease the burden of parents. “The Democrats just talk about offering daycare for…

Politics, Uncategorized, World June 13, 2018

Canada To Acquire Nuclear Weapons So United States Will Be Nicer To It

Canada appears to have found a way out of its spat with the United States, in which President Trump is treating his neighbor to the north with increasing hostility. “Say hello to the newest member…

Business, Politics, World June 12, 2018

Trump Touts Huge Concession From North Korea To Allow Casino Hotels In Pyongyang

Though the North Koreans appear to have made no significant concessions, while the United States committed to suspending military operations with South Korea as well as adding legitimacy to Kim Jong-un, President Trump today revealed…

Politics, Travel, World June 12, 2018

Kim Jong-un Takes Toiletries, Towels, Drywall From Hotel Room In Singapore

With the historic summit between President Trump and North Korean despot Kim Jong-un over, it’s time to take stock of the result. The Singapore government, who played host and covered the costs of the North…

Politics, World June 11, 2018

Summit Yields Historic Peace Accord After Kim Pledges To Only Nuke Other G7 Nations

Despite initial concerns things would fall apart after Kim Jong-un insisted he could not give up nuclear weapons, the Singapore summit has yielded a historic peace agreement between North Korea and the United States. The…

Politics, World June 10, 2018

Kim Says He Will Know In First Minute If He’s Going To Play Trump Or Totally Play Trump

Kim Jong-un has echoed President’s Trump’s belief that you can know how complex international negotiations on highly technical matters of nuclear technology will go from the outset if you rely on touch and feel. “Absolutely…

Politics, World June 9, 2018

Kim Jong-un Declares Intention To Hit Mini-Bar Hard During Singapore Summit

The question of who would pay the bill for the cash-poor North Korean delegation’s stay at the resort hotel in Singapore hosting the first meeting between Trump and Kim Jong-un has been answered. President Trump…

Food, Local, Yinzer June 5, 2018

National Funeral Directors Association Praises Primanti’s New Pierogi Sandwich

Local culinary powerhouse Primanti Brothers has added a new product – the pierogi-filled sandwich – to their menu, and it’s proving a big hit with many, including the National Funeral Directors Association which even issued…

Uncategorized June 4, 2018

Trump Declares Constitution Totally Unconstitutional

After Rudy Giuliani said that the President absolutely has the power to pardon himself, and shoot whomever he chooses, President Trump joined in by echoing that thought and declaring that the Mueller investigation is unconstitutional….

Bigotry, God Stuff, Law & Order, Politics June 4, 2018

God Overrules Supreme Court “Let Them Eat Gay Cake”

A ruling by the Supreme Court in favor of a Christian baker who didn’t want to make cakes for same-sex weddings has been vacated by an even higher authority, the Almighty. “Just bake the damn…

Politics, World June 2, 2018

Huge Letter Revealed To Contain Summit Proposal In Graphic Novel Form

The mystery of the contents of the huge letter from Kin Jong-un to President Trump was revealed today, which is that it is so large becasuse it contained a specially commissioned graphic novel. The North…

Politics, World June 2, 2018

Summit In Doubt Again After Kim Upsets Trump By Expecting Him To Read

The joint US-North Korea summit is in jeopardy after what President Trump called another hugely provocative move by the other side, in this case a letter from Kim Jong-un that was hand delivered to the…

Politics, World June 1, 2018

Melania Trump To Defect To North Korea During Upcoming Summit

President Trump was delighted to learn that wife Melania has expressed a desire to accompany him on his historic summit with the leader of North Korea, which he expects will cement his legacy as a…

Politics, Sex June 1, 2018

Trump Calls Out Samantha Bee “I would never say grab her by the c**t”

President Trump has joined in the criticism of comments made by Samantha Bee, saying her choice of vulgarities was wrong and disrespectful to women. “There’s locker talk and then there’s just plain filth.” Trump asserted…

Arts & Entertainment, Politics, TV May 31, 2018

Trump Grants Pardons To Walter White And Harvey Dent

President Trump today released the names of two more people he is issuing pardons for. Regarding his decision to pardon Walter White of New Mexico, Trump spoke of the difficulties he faced in his life….

Arts & Entertainment, Bigotry, Politics, TV May 30, 2018

New Evidence Reveals Nazi Germany Was The Side Effect Of Sleep Medication

As the fallout from ABC’s cancellation of the sitcom Roseanne continues, its eponymous star is receiving support from historians in her claim that the racist tweets she sent were the result of Ambien. “While we…

Politics, World May 30, 2018

Concerned Rest Of World Stages Intervention For The United States

Saying it is for its own good, and because they love it no matter how terribly it has treated them, the rest of the world has staged an intervention for the United States in an…

Arts & Entertainment, Politics, TV May 29, 2018

President Trump Orders C-SPAN To Pick Up Cancelled ABC Sitcom ‘Roseanne’

In a first for the US executive branch, a sitting President has ordered the cable channel C-SPAN to pick up a TV show cancelled by one of the major networks. Saying he could not let…

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