In a move that was long expected, President Trump has dismissed Dr. Fauci, the trusted face of the coronavirus response task force. But Trump said there was no reason to be concerned, as he was…
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(Pittsburgh PA) Scientists from the Centers for Disease Control investigating a local outbreak of acute stupidity in Southwestern Pennsylvania say they have successfully traced it to the source. “We have located the epicenter of this devastating outbreak to the Wendy Bell Show…
The threat by Kentucky Representative Thomas Massie (R) to delay passage of the stimulus bill in the House by demanding an in-person vote has been nullified by removing his state from the Union, which is…
Russian Premier Vladimir Putin admitted today to being somewhat unforthcoming about the number of coronavirus cases in Russia, but unequivocally denied he was playing down the seriousness the coronavirus posed, saying people were mixing him…
Saying everyone needs to remain vigilant during the coronavirus pandemic, Dr. Fauci issued new guidelines for people to follow today. “I am encouraged to see people are taking hand hygiene seriously, but there is another…
In the first case of its kind, Attorney General Bill Barr has followed through on his threat to punish hoarders for their actions during the coronavirus pandemic. “Today I have filed charges against one of…
Calls for seniors to accept death as an acceptable price for recharging the economy as fast as possible have been roundly and properly derided, but a new plan inspired by President Trump and Lt. Gov….
Voicing his ‘grave concerns’ about the coronavirus stimulus package, professional government freeloader Lindsey Graham warned today that it could incentivize some Americans to freeload off its emergency unemployment benefit provisions. “I know all about freeloading…
(The White House) There were desperate scenes following today’s coronavirus briefing when Vice President Mike Pence appeared to take severely ill. Witnessess says his head slumped forwards and his fawning over President Trump slowed down…
Tributes are being paid to Lieutenant Governor of Texas Dan Patrick today after he was burned alive last night inside a giant wooden structure in an act of pagan sacrifice. “It’s what he would have…
Following his non-appearance at a coronavirus press briefing, everyone is wondering where Dr. Fauci is. The answer finally came when President Trump confirmed he has reassigned the infectious disease researcher to carry out another very…
Sensing it was losing the battle to wins the public’s hearts and minds, the coronavirus has launched a massive effort to rehabilitate its increasingly negative image. A spokeperson for the PR compamy hired by the…
Senator Mitch McConnell has announced he has received a serious diagnosis, mere hours after fellow Senator Rand Paul said he has tested positive for the coronavirus. “I have been informed that I am not well.”…
A live-action remake of Rudolf The Red-Nosed Reindeer to be filmed locally in the Pittsburgh area is a distinct possibility once again after Pittsburgh Steeler Ben Roethlisberger agreed to take on the role of Yukon…
FASHION BRIEF: (Paris, France) Mere weeks after committing to aid in the fight against the coronavirus pandemic, the fashion houses of Louis Vuitton and Christian Dior held a closed-door show today to debut their hotly…
Saying he didn’t want people to be alarmed, Dr Fauci reassured the public today that his appearance in a straitjacket does not mean he has gone insane. “Despite that being a perfectly understandable response to…
(Atlanta, GA) The Centers for Disease Control expressed concern today about the growing potential for COVID-19 transmission presented by facepalming, which they say is dramatically on the rise. Models suggest this could lead to a…
Together with Senator Richard Burr, Senator for Georgia and Fox News Host impersonator Kelly Loeffler is being asked to resign for selling off stock before the crash after receiving a confidential briefing on how bad…
MEDICAL BRIEF: The FDA today warned the public that standing on your head does not eliminate the coronavirus infection, so matter how long you do it for. The agency charged with drug approval says it was…
The American people had some cause for celebration today with news that Senate Intelligence Committee chair Richard Burr – who sold off large stock holdings before the crash while assuring the public everything was under…