Breaking Burgh - A satirical blog serving Western Pennsylvania and beyond

Health, Politics June 27, 2017

Mitch McConnell Delays Vote On Healthcare Bill So He Can Add More Heart To It

Senate Majority leader Mitch McConnell has announced a delay in voting on the Senate American Healthcare Act which will now take place after the holiday. Despite rumors it was because he didn’t have the votes,…

Politics, World June 24, 2017

Israelis And Palestinians Reach Historic Peace Accord To Avoid Having To Meet Jared Kushner

After decades of seemingly unsolvable conflict, the Israelis and the Palestinians have come to a surprise permanent peace agreement. The remarkable accord was reached when leaders Bibi Netanyahu and Mahmoud Abbas realized they and the…

Law & Order, Politics June 22, 2017

Trump Reveals Comey Tapes Were Destroyed In Bowling Green Attack

President Trump has admitted he does not have in his possession tapes of conversations he had with the FBI Director he fired, James Comey. The revelation appeared at first to contradict previous statements that strongly…

Politics June 22, 2017

President Trump Briefed About Dangerous Threat Trolling USA On Social Media

At a National Security Briefing this morning, the heads of the various Intelligence Agencies attempted to inform the President about a dangerous entity who is trolling America on social media. The threat is said to…

Bigotry, Business, Parenting June 22, 2017

Mattel To Sell Over 300 Million Types Of Ken & Barbie Doll To Match Entire Population

Toymaker Mattel has followed up last year’s introduction of more diverse Barbie dolls with a wide variety of new Ken Dolls. However it is already receiving criticism that it is neglecting many groups, such as…

Bigotry, Business, Sex, Technology, Transport June 21, 2017

UBER Managers To Stop Sexually Harassing People In Protest At CEO’s Removal

The forced resignation by UBER CEO Travis Kalanick may have satisfied investors, but his abrupt removal is not being taken well by many of the managers and engineers at UBER, who say they intend to…

Politics June 20, 2017

Progressive Movement Calls It Quits Following Release Of ‘Man Bun’ Ken Doll

The leading lights of America’s progressive left are hanging up their beanies and advocating a return to the traditional values of the Eisenhower days which they now say maybe weren’t so bad after all. The…

Law & Order, Politics June 20, 2017

FSB To Investigate Trump’s Alleged Links To U.S. Political Establishment

(Moscow) The Federal Security Service of the Russian Federation (FSB) has launched an investigation into President Donald Trump following allegations that he has been coordinating with members of the U.S. political establishment not on its…

Arts & Entertainment, Bigotry, TV June 20, 2017

Bill Maher Trademarks Phrase ‘White Guy Who Says N****r’ Following Supreme Court Ruling

In the wake of a Supreme Court ruling that trademark applications cannot be denied on the basis that the trademark is defamatory in nature, TV host Bill Maher has reportedly filed a trademark application for…

Politics June 20, 2017

Sean Spicer Leaving White House To Assume Directorship Of Holocaust Museum

White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer is set to vacate the podium that made him a favorite target on SNL. Despite initial rumors that he will take on another role within the Trump administration, he…

Politics June 19, 2017

Camp David Somehow Acquires Golf Course And Casino Hotel Over Single Weekend

Camp David – the woodland Maryland retreat beloved by Presidents from Eisenhower to Reagan to Obama – has undergone a sudden strange transformation that has shocked those who maintain the property. Largely unchanged since Nixon…

Politics, Science June 19, 2017

Rick Perry Heeds Calls To Increase Nation’s Use Of Cellar Energy

Secretary for Energy Rick Perry make a landmark speech today in which he said he is ‘on board’ with calls to increase the use of cellar power. “Lots of people are talking about the need…

Holidays, Parenting, Politics June 18, 2017

Proud Father Can See Son In White House Investigating An Incompetent President One Day

In a scene being replayed across the nation this Father’s Day, local family man Tom Nowak couldn’t hold back the tears when seven-year-old son David presented him with a card and said he wanted to…

Arts & Entertainment, Law & Order, Sex June 17, 2017

Bill Cosby Admits Slipping Jury Quaaludes To Make Sure They Had A Good Time

The high-profile prosecution of Bill Cosby has ended in a mistrial after a Pennsylvania jury was unable to come to a unanimous decision. The question of exactly why they failed to decide the case was…

Law & Order, Politics June 17, 2017

New Floor Added To White House To Accommodate Everyone’s Lawyers

(Washington, DC) The White House has had its first major renovation in decades in response to the increasing number of legal representatives who need to be there round the clock providing advice to their clients….

Business, Food, Technology June 16, 2017

Jeff Bezos Predicts eVegetables Will Replace Physical Vegetables Within Five Years

Amazon have purchased Whole Foods in a deal worth 13 billion, which Jeff Bezos claims will revolutionize the food industry. Most daring is his plan to edge physical vegetables out of the marketplace, which he…

Business, God Stuff June 15, 2017

God The Latest Investor To Pull Out Of Ken Ham’s Ark Encounter Theme Park

(Grant County, KY) In what may be the final nail in the coffin of the biblical theme park Ark Encounter, the second largest investor after the State of Kentucky, God, has pulled out of the…

Politics June 15, 2017

President Trump Warns That Pressure Of Job May Cause Him To Lose Temper One Day

With increasing pressure being piled on the 45th President of the United States, now including an obstruction of justice probe, Donald Trump today warned there is a chance he may lose his legendary cool at…

Law & Order, Politics June 14, 2017

Robert Mueller Gives President Trump Birthday Present Of His Own Special Investigation

Robert Mueller surprised President Trump today on the occasion of his 71st birthday with a present he put a lot of thought into. “I didn’t want him to think I’d forgotten with everything else going…

Literary, Politics, Theatre June 14, 2017

Trump Supporters Demand Playwright Who Penned “Julius Caesar” Be Locked Up

The Public Theater’s production of Julius Caesar, in which the titular bombastic leader who gets assassinated has a distinctly contemporary flavor, continues to generate controversy with financial backers pulling out. Though former corporate sponsors focused…

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