Breaking Burgh - A satirical blog serving Western Pennsylvania and beyond

Bigotry, Election2016, Politics September 30, 2016

Trump Elevates Tone Of His Campaign With Talk Of Sex Tape

Elections watchers have detected a clear shift to a more dignified campaign style on the part of Donald Trump when he recently turned his attention to former Miss Universe and Clinton supporter, Alicia Machado, tweeting…

Image credit: Pittsburgh Symphony Orchestra in 2011 by Zsadler via Commons license CC BY 3.0.

Arts & Entertainment, Business, Local, Music September 30, 2016

Major Disruption Expected In Coming Weeks As Pittsburgh Symphony Orchestra Goes On Strike

[Pittsburgh, PA] Following the walkout of Pittsburgh Symphony Orchestra musicians after talks with management collapsed, downtown workers are being urged to allow extra time to get to their places of employment and all City residents…

Business, Technology September 29, 2016

Local Victim Of iPhone7 Audiojack Drilling Video Saved From Ruin by Nigerian Royalty

[Pittsburgh, PA] A cruel spoof video describing how to create a standard 3.5mm audio port on the new iPhone 7 by drilling a hole in the top has led many gullible consumers to destroy their…

Business, Technology September 28, 2016

BlackBerry To Stop Making Blackberrys And Start Growing BlackBerries

(Waterloo, ON) Once legendary mobile phone manufacturer Blackberry Ltd. [BBRY] has announced that it will no longer produce handsets after 14 years in the business. With Blackberry smartphone sales on the decline for some time…

Image credit: adapted from ‘A bullet in mid flight’ by Niels Noordhoek via commons license CC BY-SA 3.0.

Arts & Entertainment, Bigotry, Law & Order September 25, 2016

Film Critics Lament Continuing Poor Quality Of Police Shooting Videos

With police shootings now so commonplace – and the reaction so mild in comparison to what they represent – the public has effectively conceded that armed officers are above the law. But the repeated releases…

Arts & Entertainment, Society September 20, 2016

Thousands Of Ordinary Couples Scramble To Become The Next ‘Brangelina’

With the news that Angelina Jolie has filed for divorce from Brad Pitt, the race is on for who will inherit the coveted ‘Brangelina’ title that is a guaranteed tabloid seller. With no obvious celebrity…

Politics, Technology, World September 20, 2016

ISIS Claims Galaxy Note 7 As A Soldier Of The Islamic State

[Raqqa, Syria] The Amaq News Agency of the Islamic State of Iraq and Syria (ISIS) has released a statement calling the Galaxy Note 7 a “Glorious Soldier of the Islamic State’ who was ‘taking on…

Image credit: ‘Jerry Springer’ by Flickr user Lwp Kommunikáció license CC BY 2.0.

Election2016, Politics, TV September 14, 2016

Colin Powell Launches Vicious Uncalled-For Attack On Jerry Springer

In a move that is completely at odds with his public persona, former Secretary of State Colin Powell has directed a hugely malevolent attack against national TV treasure Jerry Springer. “I can’t imagine why he…

Business, Critters, Hipsterdom, Local September 13, 2016

Pittsburgh’s First Chicken Cafe Opens On Butler Street

Pittsburgh has been buzzing with talk of not one but two Cat Cafes that are set to open here soon (the Black Cat Market and the Colony Café). But both have been scooped in the…

Election2016, Health, Politics September 12, 2016

Donald Trump Issues Medical Opinion That Hillary Clinton Is Going To Die

Donald Trump has responded to the news that his opponent Hillary Clinton has a mild lung infection by predicting she will never get better and will soon be dead. He quickly dismissed criticisms that he…

Local, Transport September 12, 2016

Liberty Bridge To Reopen When There Are Flying Cars And A Cure For Cancer

[Pittsburgh, PA] Officials have issued a timeline for the Liberty Bridge to reopen, expecting it to occur sometime in 2055. The long delay is due to a variety of factors, including the need to remove…

Law & Order, Politics, Society, World September 11, 2016

Local Patriot Honors Memory Of 9/11 By Going About Day Exactly Like Any Other

[Pittsburgh, PA] Local proud American Ted Lugar knows he is not alone today as he struggles to pay ample tribute to all his previous bluster about important it is to show respect on this sad…

Image credit: 'ITT Technical Institute Canton' by Dwight Burdette via Commons license CC BY 3.0

Business, Education, Election2016, Politics September 6, 2016

Trump Thanks ITT Technical Institute For Displacing His University As Sleaziest Education Program

A buoyant Donald Trump today extended his gratitude to the freshly defunct ITT Technical Institute for taking the heat off his defunct Trump University. He now expects he will receive less criticism since most observers…

Election2016, Politics, World September 5, 2016

Trump Says He Would Have Handled G20 Airport Snub By Nuking China

While Obama has shown great restraint in not letting minor diplomatic scuffles throw him off him game at the G20 summit in China, Donald Trump has let it be known that he would have handled…

Health, Local, Transport September 4, 2016

Despondent PennDOT Tells Pittsburgh “We Give Up”

[Pittsburgh, PA] Despite decades of hope that one day Pittsburgh’s major thoroughfares could all be fixed, the Liberty Bridge fire has apparently sent PennDOT over the edge. “When the huge craters were finally fixed on…

Parenting, Politics, World September 4, 2016

China Compounds Obama Snub By Calling Him Names And Throwing Paper Airplanes

[Hanghzou, PROC] Proving they are serious players on the world stage, the Chinese hosts of the G20 summit have not stopped at merely making President Obama walk down a smaller flight of steps when disembarking…

If we don't vanquish Cleveland now, this could be Pittsburgh come Labor Day.

Local, Transport September 2, 2016

Liberty Bridge Fire Either A Burning Tarp Or A Sneak Attack By Cleveland

There was a bumpy start to the holiday weekend in Pittsburgh as commuters were treated to apocalyptic scenes of the Liberty Bridge on fire. The cause of the frightening plumes of dense black smoke has…

Food, Hipsterdom, Science August 28, 2016

UK Scientists Create Entire Chicken Out Of Soy And Rhubarb

[Warwick University, Coventry] In response to the growing veganism movement, food scientists in the UK have created the first fully functional chicken made entirely out of plant materials in what is being heralded as an…

Education, Health, Science August 27, 2016

Can You See The Number On The Horse Inside The Circle?

I CAN’T SEE THE NUMBER: If you can’t see the number then what you are ‘seeing’ is that you have a vision problem. You do not need to see a medical professional, as not passing…

Image credit: '144070_5_IDA6538' by Flickr user Disney|ABC Television Group license CC BY-ND 2.0.

Election2016, Politics, World August 26, 2016

Trump To Meet European Leaders In Munich As First Step Towards Making America Great Again

With the election mere weeks away, Donald Trump has gotten serious about his plan for America once he is President. His first point of business will be foreign policy, the details of which he wants…

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