Breaking Burgh - A satirical blog serving Western Pennsylvania and beyond

Bigotry, Politics August 18, 2017

Steve Bannon Stepping Down To Spend More Time With His Race

The President’s Chief Strategist in the White House, Steve Bannon, is leaving his position. Though rumors have spread that he was dismissed, Bannon says that working in the White House is very demanding and he…

Politics August 18, 2017

Local Trump Supporter Convinced George Soros Behind Missing Car Keys

(Sharon, PA) A local elderly man who missed a doctor’s appointment today because he couldn’t find his car keys is sending any bill he receives to the Democratic Party. At first he thought he had…

Politics, World August 17, 2017

White House Confirms No Statues Were Hurt In Barcelona Attack

The White House has released a statement on the Barcelona attack saying the President has been in touch with the Spanish government to convey his condolences. “Though this is a horrific attack, it appears that…

Bigotry, Politics, Science August 17, 2017

Sun To Protest Trump By Symbolically Darkening Heartland For Two Minutes

Though the Sun hates interfering in the details of planets – preferring instead to focus on gravitational orbits and providing heat and light – the President’s recent remarks about Charlottesville have proved too much for…

Bigotry, Politics August 16, 2017

President Trump Inspires Steve Bannon To Up His Racism

Senior White House advisor Steve Bannon was in buoyant form today, which he credits to President Trump for inspiring him to up his game by example. “I became lazy because I assumed I was the…

Arts & Entertainment, Bigotry, Politics, TV August 16, 2017

Trump Says Black And White Lodges Both To Blame For Death Of Laura Palmer

President Trump has revealed that he is a fan of the TV show Twin Peaks, after being asked what he thought about the death of Laura Palmer and the role of the Black and White…

Bigotry, Food, Politics August 16, 2017

Baltimore Destroys All Of Its KFC Restaurants Overnight By Accident

In what is being described as a major embarrassment for city government, Baltimore residents awoke today to find all the city’s KFC restaurants had been demolished. Mayor Catherine Pugh explained it was the result of…

Bigotry, Parenting August 16, 2017

President Trump Begs Forgiveness For Brief Dalliance With Moral Decency

With tears streaming from his eyes, President Trump asked for forgiveness this evening from the White Supremacy movement for straying from the path when he flirted with moral decency by issuing a statement condemning them….

Bigotry, Politics August 15, 2017

“Can’t You Get It Into Your Heads That I’m A Racist” Says Frustrated President

At a press conference in Trump Tower today, a visibly drawn President Trump admitted he is exhausted by people constantly wanting him to be what he is not nor has ever represented himself to be….

Bigotry, Health, Politics August 15, 2017

White House Calls For Free Healthcare To Deal With Epidemic Of Right Shoulder Pain

In a startling about-face, the White House has dropped its opposition to any form of socialized medicine and is now advocating for a pilot program specifically aimed at musculoskeletal ailments. The President was moved to…

Bigotry, Politics, Sex August 15, 2017

Nature Watchers Report Rare Sighting Of Female In Oval Office

Naturalists, both professional and amateur, are in a state of great excitement over the alleged sighting of a female of the genus Trumpus Proximitus, which is almost unheard of outside of mating season. “First the…

Bigotry, Politics August 15, 2017

Life Alert Introduces Special Confederate Statue Pricing For Limited Time

The company that makes Life Alert® – the medical alert system specifically designed to protect seniors from falls – has announced a special offer for those looking to protect monuments that they cannot be with…

Bigotry, Politics August 14, 2017

President Interrupts Dinner To Issue Moving Statement On Loss Of Durham Statue

BREAKING: President Trump broke from dinner moments ago to make a public statement after being informed that protestors in Durham, North Carolina, had toppled a Confederate statue early this evening. “Mere hours ago, a tragedy…

Bigotry, Politics August 14, 2017

Former Google Employee Hired To Direct White House Anti-Nazi Policy

After taking only three days to come to the conclusion that murderous White Supremacy movements are bad, President Trump has announced the formation of a White House Diversity and Anti-Nazi Commission to show he means…

Arts & Entertainment, Politics, TV August 14, 2017

Netflix Fires Back At Disney With Charge They Make Fake Cartoons

Days after entertainment giant Disney announced that it was migrating away from Netflix to develop its own streaming platform, Netflix is fighting back by attempting to discredit them via a twitter campaign. “Disney makes fake…

Bigotry, Politics August 13, 2017

American Wishes Foreign Muslims Would Stop Ruining His Peaceful Nation

A local man has backed President Trump’s travel ban to keep out Muslims seeking to enter the United States. This is crucial, he maintains, to preserve the peaceful nature of the country he loves so…

Bigotry, Politics August 13, 2017

‘Let’s Get Back To How I’m Recklessly Taunting North Korea’ Says President

Under continuing pressure to condemn White Supremacists in light of what happened in Charlottesville, VA, President Trump went on the record today to issue this statement directed at North Korean leader Kim Jong-un. “I’m going…

Bigotry, Politics August 13, 2017

Neighbors Recall Charlottesville Suspect As Quiet Unassuming White Supremacist

The arrest of James Alex Fields Jr, accused of killing one and injuring many more in Charlottesville, has come as a great surprise to neighbors in Ohio, who today recalled the gentle neo-Nazi they thought…

Bigotry, Politics August 12, 2017

President Trump Condemns Poor Road Conditions In Charlottesville

Speaking at a veteran’s event today, President Trump addressed events in Charlottesville that have left at least one dead and many injured after a car plowed into counter protestors at a right wing rally. Trump…

Literary, Local, Politics August 12, 2017

Local Blogger Claims City Paper’s Best Of Pittsburgh Poll Is Rigged

A local ‘entertainment’ website that is up for Best Local Blogger in the Annual City Paper Best Of Pittsburgh Poll is causing a stir after claiming the whole process is rigged, despite the fact that…

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