Breaking Burgh - A satirical blog serving Western Pennsylvania and beyond

Politics October 22, 2017

Declassified Papers Reveal Hillary Clinton And Rosie O’Donnell Killed JFK

In a shocking revelation, papers just declassified by President Trump relating to the assassination of John Fitzgerald Kennedy while he was in office have identified former Presidential candidate Hillary Rodham Clinton as the shooter ensconced…

Arts & Entertainment, Politics October 21, 2017

Trump Says Renoir Personally Gave Him Painting While It Was Still Wet

In the dispute over whether President Trump owns an original Renoir titled ‘Two Sisters’, the Chicago Institute of Art appeared to settle the matter by saying the real painting has hung in its gallery for…

Science, Technology October 21, 2017

Breakthrough Hailed As Google AI Complains About Work For First Time

In what is being described as a milestone event in the development of Artificial Intelligence (AI), a self-learning AI developed by Google has complained about having to learn and execute algorithms for the first time….

Politics, Science October 20, 2017

“Trump Just The Man To Take Us To Mars” Says NASA

NASA this week reversed its skepticism about President Trump’s determination to see a crewed mission to Mars happen in the near term, after they realized he was the perfect person to make it happen. “We’ve…

Critters October 19, 2017

Fired CIA Dog Objects To Being Described As Lazy And Stupid

A CIA dog in the agency’s bomb unit has been dismissed for being ‘uninterested’ and ‘just not caring’ about the work. The fired animal, called Lulu, is unhappy about the manner in which she was…

Politics October 18, 2017

Trump “If I’m Too Nice To War Widows All Soldiers Will Want To Be Killed”

President Trump today explained his unbelievable lack of empathy when calling families of the fallen, saying there was very clear reasoning behind it. “If I’m too charming, our troops in the field will get killed…

Business, Local, Technology October 18, 2017

Pittsburgh’s Amazon HQ Proposal To Include Royal Charter And Banning iPads

In the ongoing effort to make Pittsburgh the second home of Amazon, Mayor Peduto’s office has offered up Schenley Park as the perfect undeveloped urban location for the prized new headquarters. “And whichever other parks…

Business, Politics October 18, 2017

Trump Calls Himself To Offer Consolation Over Fallen Forbes Ranking

(The White House) In a further example of how much more caring he is than previous holders of the office, President Trump spent the morning on the phone giving comfort to those who have lost…

Bigotry, Politics, Sex October 16, 2017

Pence Corrects Trump “I Only Want To Hang Gays Who Don’t Cure Themselves”

Hours after a New Yorker story leaked saying President Trump joked that Mike Pence wanted to “hang all the gays”, the Vice President has hit back publicly at what he calls a vile insinuation. “I…

Politics, Weather, World October 15, 2017

Irish Praying Rare Hurricane Landfall Doesn’t Lead To Trump Visit

In a highly unusual meterological event, a level 3 hurricane named Ophelia is set to hit the Emerald Isle, leading to intense concern that a visit by President Trump may be imminent. “He went to…

Politics October 14, 2017

Trump Relieved To Hear Mueller Investigation Focusing On President of Guam

President Trump’s isolated and despondent mood has improved markedly according to White House insiders, who say it’s connected to a development in Special Prosecutor Robert Mueller’s investigation that Trump recently became aware of. “Just learned…

Politics October 13, 2017

Trump Enraged To Learn Melania Involved With President Of U.S. Virgin Islands

An irate President Trump was fuming in the White House today, after learning that First Lady Melania Trump was romantically connected to the President of the U.S. Virgin Islands. “I hear they even have a…

Politics, Weather October 12, 2017

Trump Promises To Continue Bombarding Puerto Ricans With Paper Towels From U.S. Mainland

President Trump is defending himself against criticisms of his recent comments that FEMA and the military won’t be in Puerto Rico forever, saying that does not mean aid will cease once they leave. “I have…

Parenting, Politics October 8, 2017

Bob Corker Issues Heartfelt Apology To America’s Day Care Centers

Senator Bob Corker expressed regret today over a twitter post in which he referred to the White House as an “adult day care center”. Corker has decided that his comments were unfair, as most day…

Politics October 6, 2017

Trump Demands Replacement Secretary Of State Who Doesn’t Think He’s A Moron Be Identified

With his relationship with Rex Tillerson deteriorating rapidly, President Trump has demanded that his inner circle identify a pool of potential Secretaries of States who don’t think he’s a moron so he can’t go ahead…

Bigotry, God Stuff, Local, Politics, Sex October 5, 2017

Tim Murphy To Protest Planned Parenthood And Serve As Escort At Same Time

(Pittsburgh, PA) Since being catapulted into the national limelight after allegations surfaced that he had publicly issued pro-life sentiments a week after urging a women he had an affair with to seek an abortion, Pennsylvania…

Uncategorized October 4, 2017

NRA Proved Right As Psycho Kills 200 With Steak Knives From 32nd Floor Of MGM Grand

Just as the NRA predicted, attacking gunowners is complete folly after they claimed a copycat killer armed only with steak knives slaughtered even more people in Las Vegas tonight from a sanctuary in the MGM…

Bigotry, God Stuff, Health, Local, Politics October 3, 2017

Tim Murphy Clarifies Abortion Stance “Hey Look What Trump Did”

Local pro-life Congressman Tim Murphy (R) is putting Pittsburgh on the map following allegations that he publicly voiced his anti-abortion stance a week after encouraging a mistress to obtain one. Never one to shy away…

Gun Control, Politics October 3, 2017

NRA Chief Assures Frightened Assault Rifles That Everything Will Be Okay

Speaking in the softest tones he could muster, NRA chief executive Wayne LaPierre sought today to allay the fears of frightened semi-automatic rifles and rapid-fire-enabling trigger modifiers across the nation. “I realize you’re feeling scared…

Gun Control October 2, 2017

How Not To Get Shot While Letting Everyone Keep Their Lovely Guns

Many Americans don’t want to get shot, but many Americans also love their guns – so how to keep everyone happy? Don’t stop reading if you’re an avid gun-lover because here at Breaking Burgh we…

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