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2020 Election, Politics January 20, 2021

Biden Thanks Trump For Leaving Him Very Nice Finger Painting

(The White House) As he started work in the Oval Office on his very first day as President, Joe Biden said he was pleasantly surprised to find something there waiting for him. Though Former President…

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Politics January 19, 2021

Listings For ‘Resolute Desk’ & ‘Bust Of Some Guy Called Churchill’ Appear On Ebay

A record-setting number of Ebay listings attracted attention this week, as multiple unique offerings were put up for auction by new user StopTHESteelMAGA#1. Chief among the entries is one for a ‘Resolute Desk’ described as…


2020 Election, Health, Politics January 19, 2021

Biden To Eradicate Windmill Cancer On First Day In Office

President-elect Biden has repeatedly insisted he plans to ‘hit the ground running’ on arriving at the White House. However the scale of Biden’s ambitious plans are only just becoming clear, after he revealed that he…


2020 Election, Politics January 15, 2021

White House Announces President Trump’s Last Full Day Of Not Working Will Be This Tuesday

(The White House) In apparent recognition of the imminent reality that his term of office is coming to an end, President Trump has authorized an official statement confirming that his last full day of not…


Politics, World January 13, 2021

Taliban Names President Trump Its 2021 Warrior Of The Year

(Zabul Provence, Afghanistan) Though the year has barely gotten underway, Taliban leaders today announced their 2021 Warrior of the Year, which recognizes the individual who has shown the most daring and initiative in attacking their…


Arts & Entertainment, Law & Order, Politics January 12, 2021

Calls Grow For Kurt Russell To Intervene After Terrorist Takes Over Air Force One

Kurt Russell awake to frantic messages today pleading with him to overthrow the commandeering of Air Force One by a known terrorist. The individual in question is said to be ‘many more magnitudes more dangerous’…


Politics January 10, 2021

Devin Nunes Worried Republicans Have No Way To Plan Sedition Now

TECH BRIEF: Presidential Medal of Honor recipient and arch-bovine-hater Devin Nunes today expressed concern for the consequences of social media platforms like Facebook and Twitter shutting down Republican voices. “How will the Presidents followers organize…


2020 Election, Politics January 8, 2021

“How Could This Have Happened Here?” Asks Nation That Chose Vile Narcissist To Lead It

As the true extent of Wednesday’s events sink in – during which the US Capitol was forcefully taken over in order to successfully interrupt one of the most important functions of government – people are…


Politics January 7, 2021

Trump Hails Most Diverse Administration In History After Appointing Ben Carson Secretary Of Transportation, Education & Aide To First Lady

(The White House) Seeking to play up his good points with a view to his legacy, embattled President Donald J Trump today reminded people that he will have the most diverse administration in history in…


2020 Election, Politics January 6, 2021

Defeated Georgia Senators Initiate Legal Challenge By Scouting Local Landscaping Company Parking Lots

(Atlanta, GA) Following their narrow but conclusive defeats by their Democratic challengers, Republican Senators for Georgia Kelly Loeffler and David Perdue today formally initiated the process of contesting the results by researching local landscaping companies…


2020 Election, Health, Politics January 5, 2021

Biden Explains Why His Plan To Disinfect White House Is So Good “We started working on it long before COVID was a thing”

President-elect Biden received high praise today for his comprehensive plan to disinfect the White House, with many commending his team on developing such a well-thought-out plan so quickly. However Biden, who is known to be…


2020 Election, Politics January 4, 2021

Trump Awards Presidential Medal Of Freedom To Melissa Carone

(The White House) In a little-noticed ceremony today, President Trump presented the Medal of Freedom to Melissa Carone, having previous granted the honorific to Representative David Nunes for his exemplary record in service to the…


Holidays, Politics December 23, 2020

Trump Abuses Power By Continuing To Pardon Turkeys Long After Thanksgiving Is Over

President Trump faced accusations today of egregious abuse of his clemency powers today, that allow him to spare select poultry from being served at the dinner table. Though US Presidents normally pardon two lucky turkeys…


2020 Election, Health, Politics December 16, 2020

Biden Nominates Tom Cruise To Be His Social Distancing Enforcement Czar

President-elect Joe Biden announced another cabinet-level nomination today, that of actor Tom Cruise to the newly created post of COVID-19 Guidelines Enforcement Czar. “With Tom’s help and extreme passion, we are going to kick this…


2020 Election, Health, Politics December 6, 2020

Giuliani Vows To Overturn Positive COVID Test In Court “I have affidavits!”

Following the revelation by President Trump that Rudy Giuliani has tested positive for COVID-19, the former mayor of New York City is refusing to concede to the pandemic virus and has vowed to overturn the…


Law & Order, Politics, Science December 6, 2020

Time-Traveling Rudy Giuliani Demands To Know What The F**k Happened?

A young Rudy Giuliani time traveling from late 1980s stopped by to check in on his 76-year-old self today, hoping to find himself basking in the glow of his former achievements. Young Giuliani was pleased…


2020 Election, Politics December 5, 2020

Trump Vindicated After Independent Audit Finds Millions Of Brain Dead People Voted In Election

After making little headway with his claims of voter fraud in the November 3rd election won, President Trump won a major victory today when one of his central assertions – that huge numbers of dead…


2020 Election, Politics December 2, 2020

Etiquette Experts Commend White House For Making Politeness A Priority

(Burlington, VT) The Emily Post Institute today singled out the White House and the Trump administration for praise, saying its renewed commitment to politeness is most welcome. People visiting and working in the White House…


Arts & Entertainment December 1, 2020

Anger As Trump Pardons Director Tom Hooper For Making The Movie CATS

(The White House) It has emerged that President Trump intends to grant a ‘full and unequivocal pardon’ to film director Tom Hooper for his role in making the movie CATS, based on the musical of…


Science November 30, 2020

Utah Monolith Removed By Aliens On Learning Who President Is

A mysterious monolith in the Utah desert has disappeared shortly after its discovery, prompting even more speculation as to its origin and purpose. That was answered today when NASA reported receiving a message originating from…


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Popular Posts

April 7, 2020

Announcement That Beaker Will Be New Press Secretary Garners Widespread Approval


December 26, 2019

Pittsburgh-Themed Casino Hotel Opens On Las Vegas Strip


July 3, 2019

Frito-Lay Changes Color Of Cheetos To Avoid Association With Trump


November 4, 2017

Trump Slams President Of Hawaii For Not Meeting Him At Airport


October 21, 2017

Trump Says Renoir Personally Gave Him Painting While It Was Still Wet


Politics

January 20, 2021

Biden Thanks Trump For Leaving Him Very Nice Finger Painting


January 19, 2021

Listings For ‘Resolute Desk’ & ‘Bust Of Some Guy Called Churchill’ Appear On Ebay


January 19, 2021

Biden To Eradicate Windmill Cancer On First Day In Office


January 15, 2021

White House Announces President Trump’s Last Full Day Of Not Working Will Be This Tuesday


January 13, 2021

Taliban Names President Trump Its 2021 Warrior Of The Year


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