Breaking Burgh - A satirical blog serving Western Pennsylvania and beyond

Politics, Technology July 25, 2017

Scaramucci Hot On Trail Of Rumored White House Leaker Using Twitter

Newly appointed White House Communications Director Antony Scaramucci says he plans to hunt down all the leakers plaguing the Trump Administration, and that soon there will be no more damaging information getting out of the…

Parenting, Politics July 25, 2017

Creepy Old Man Interferes With Boys Politically At National Scout Jamboree

The Boy Scouts of America is seeking answers today following reports that a ‘creepy old man’ was on the loose at the National Scout Jamboree leading impressionable young boys astray. Parents were not at all…

Health, Politics July 24, 2017

Republicans Interrupt McCain’s Medical Care So They Can Interrupt More People’s Medical Care

John McCain may have just undergone surgery related to his highly aggressive cancer diagnosis, but that didn’t stop Republicans leaning on him to see if his head incision has healed enough to withstand hours in…

Health, Politics, Sports July 24, 2017

Female GOP Senators Challenge Texas Congressman To Anything Involving Exercise

Blake Farenthold, a Republican Congressman from Texas, is making headlines after saying it’s ‘absolutely repugnant’ that ‘some female senators from the Northeast’ were able to stall GOP efforts to repeal Obamacare. Farenthold went on to…

Politics July 24, 2017

Jared Kushner Vigorously Denies Any Collusion With The Truth

Jared Kushner fought back strongly today during questioning by Senate investigators, insisting that allegations he may have been truthful in the past were completely misplaced. “Let me be very clear: I did not collude with…

Law & Order, Politics July 23, 2017

Trump Pardons Sean Spicer For Theft Of Mini-Fridge

(The White House) Any hopes that Donald Trump would exercise restraint in using the power of the Presidential Pardon appeared to be dashed today when he pardoned his outgoing Press Secretary. “I hereby pardon Sean…

Health July 22, 2017

State Of New Jersey Raises Smoking Age To 21 Months

Republican Governor Chris Christie has signed a bill raising the minimum age to buy tobacco products in the state of New Jersey to 21 months, up from the previous threshold of 19 months. The move,…

Arts & Entertainment, Politics, TV July 22, 2017

Sean Spicer Sends Demo Reel To Lorne Michaels Seeking SNL Cast Member Audition

The question of what former Press Secretary Sean Spicer wants to do now that he has resigned his post appears to have an answer today, as news leaked of a demo reel he made arriving…

Politics, Technology July 21, 2017

Trump Replaces Press Secretary Sean Spicer With Giant Twitter Feed

Sean Spicer’s rocky tenure as White House press secretary finally came to an end today when he resigned in protest at the President’s appointment of New York financier Anthony Scaramucci as communications director. Though Trump asked…

Arts & Entertainment, Law & Order, Politics, Sports July 20, 2017

Trump To Replace Current Attorney General Jeff Sessions With O.J. Simpson In October

O.J. Simpson is to be released from prison in October after serving nine years for armed robbery, following a parole hearing. Asked what he will do when he is free again, the former NFL star…

Health, Politics, Science July 20, 2017

John McCain’s Cancer Devastated To Learn He Has Excellent Medical Insurance

People of all political stripes were saddened this week to learn that Arizona Senator John McCain has brain cancer, following reports that he has already undergone surgery to remove a mass that was causing problems….

Politics, Technology, Travel, Yinzer July 20, 2017

Trump Administration Ends Travel Ban On Muslim Laptops Seeking To Enter U.S.

The Trump administration’s travel ban on laptops on flights originating in the Middle East seeking to enter the country has been ended. However critics of the President’s immigration policies say this is not nearly enough….

Election2016, Politics July 19, 2017

Twelve-Person Election Fraud Panel Votes 20-0 To Continue Investigation

At its first public meeting, President Trump’s invite-only twelve-person commission on voter fraud has decided 20 to 0 to continue its investigation of voter fraud in the 2016 election. Formed by Trump in light of…

Law & Order, Technology July 19, 2017

Apple Patents New Way To Get Shot By Police Using Just Your Fingerprint

Apple (AAPL) has filed a patent for a sophisticated new technology that enables people to secretly call police simply by touching their iPhone screen in a certain way. Based on fingerprint and gesture recognition, this…

Local, Technology, Transport, Yinzer July 19, 2017

Google Maps Updates Pittsburgh Directions Algorithm To Use More Defunct Landmarks

(Bakery Sq, Pittsburgh, PA) Google Maps have announced a complete revision of their algorithm for producing directions that will apply specifically to the Pittsburgh area. This is reportedly a direct result of feedback received through…

Law & Order July 19, 2017

Concerned Citizen Who Called 911 Not Shot By Police

Senior Police officials are apologizing today after it emerged that a concerned citizen who called for their assistance is still in fact alive and well. “The public has certain expectations of law enforcement when they…

Politics July 18, 2017

Trump Presidency Finally Arrives At Defining Philosophy Of Letting Things Fail

After a rocky start to his administration during which people questioned if he would ever develop a political outlook to define his Presidency, Donald Trump finally nailed it today when he said he planned to…

Politics, Science, Weather July 18, 2017

Environmentalists Urge Trump To Think Of Future Generations And Iggy Pop

Supporters of the Paris Accord to mitigate climate change are taking a different tactic in an effort to overcome President Trump’s declared opposition to the landmark agreement. Taking note of French President Macron’s approach of…

Law & Order, Politics, World July 16, 2017

Mexico Announces Completion Of Transparent Border Wall

Hot on the heels of President Trump’s innovation to make his wall transparent – so people will not be struck without warning by bags of drugs thrown from the other side – Mexican President Enrique…

Politics, Transport, World July 15, 2017

Trump Demands Japan Allow Amelia Earhart To Fly Herself Back To The United States

After returning from his second trip to Europe in as many weeks, President Trump was finally briefed on dubious photographic evidence suggesting famed aviator Amelia Earhart might have survived her final flight and been taken…

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