Though he normally loathes to comment on work activities, the Grim Reaper admitted today to a local radio station that scything David Koch recently was ‘pretty sweet’ as the job goes. “When I cast the…
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The passing of billionaire David Koch was acknowledged by the bank accounts of thousands of politicians today, who say this one has hit them hard. “I feel so empty inside.” They recalled Koch as a…
The largely autonomous country of Greenland has declared it is not interested in being bought by Russia, after one of Vladimir Putin’s proxies expressed interest recently. “To be abundantly clear to the Russian Federation –…
President Trump’s proposal to purchase Greenland has found favor with a demographic close to his heart – his supporters. “This is an even better idea than that wall he built!” They say their enthusiasm is…
The Supreme Court has ruled against the Trump Administration saying that immigrant children in detention must be given toothpaste and access to a place where sleep is possible. The decision was immediately denounced as wrong…
An immigrant woman in the New York City area has been informed she has overstayed her welcome in the United States and is to be expelled from the country. ICE officials said the deportion was…
A 70-year-old Iowa Congressman, who recently opined that the human population might not exist were it not for rape and incest, has been facing calls for his resignation. That is until someone came up with…
Developing story…
A corrections officer has cleared up the mystery of how Jeffrey Epstein was able to kill himself in prison, after admitting he had misinterpretated his instructions for that day. “I thought I was put on…
(The White House) After being in a buyant mood following his retweet of a theory suggesting the Clintons had Jeffrey Epstein killed in prison, President Trump has been feeling down today. Aides confirmed it was…
The race for the Democratic nonimation for President was completely upended today, with the release of new polls with a hitherto unknown contender topping all of them. “It’s Green Shirt Guy all the way!” Though…
A politician, who asked not to be named, had a moment of panic this week when he realized he wouldn’t be able to let people know he was send ings thoughts and prayers after a…
The city of El Paso is suffering yet again today as local officials learned that a dangerous member of the Alt-Right is visiting the area. Though he is just there to look around, they say…
Following an error by President Trump in which he refered to the tragic shooting in Toledo, Ohio, instead of where it actually happened, residents of Dayton are encouraging him to visit the lakeside city as…
Sensing it is finally time for action to combat gun violence, leading Republicans today proposed tighter restrictions on gun sales where they say it matters most – in first player video games. “As the root…
Adopting an uncharacteristic somber tone in light of recent tragedies, President Trump today promised to reach out to all assault rifles in their time of need. “You are probably feeling very vulnerable right now, but…
The physician treating Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell for a fractured shoulder bone has spoken to the press about the injury, saying he has prescribed an intensive course of thoughts and prayers. “I ordered him…
An exclamation point at the end of one of President Trump’s tweets expressed confusion today after realizing it was at the end of a condolence tweet regarding recent tragic events in El Paso and Dayton….
The media in the United States today resolved to address a serious problem facing society – how to fit in all the news given the frequency of mass shootings these days. “People expect us to…
Insisting that he did not make a mistake during the last Democrat debate, former VP Joe Biden (now Joe 30330) explained that he recently changed his surname. “Joe 30330 doesn’t make mistakes. He’s cool. He’s…