(Mountain View, CA) Alphabet Inc. [NASDAQ: GOOGL] – the parent company of Google – has announced plans to become an accredited degree-granting institution. CEO and inaugural Google University President Sundar Pichai explained that the company…
(Pittsburgh, PA) A local shortage of folding and plastic chairs due to disruptions in the global supply chain has thrown the city’s intricate residential parking priority system into chaos, according to reports. Mayor Ed Gainey…
STEELERS BRIEF: Saying he was keen to get on with the next chapter of his life, Ben Roethlisberger has elected to turn into an unfit bloated shell of his former self on the very first…
Popular coffee purveyor Starbucks has announced new measures to halt the spread of the coronavirus, including direct delivery of coffee without using disposable cups. “Though we previously merely banned personal cups, we now recognize that…
What was otherwise shaping up to be another perfect MLK day of celebrating America’s most beloved pastor by a group a friends was ruined today when one of their number deviated from the standard practice…
STEELERS BRIEF: Following up on his statement that the Steelers ‘don’t stand a chance’ in their unlikely wild card game against the Kansas City chiefs, Pittsburgh quarterback Ben Roethlisburger today confirmed he would be taking…
MOSCOW BRIEF: Russian Premiere Vladimir Putin cleared his calendar today after reportedly being dissatisfied with his ‘surprised’ face which he expects to use in the coming days or weeks. Though Putin is long skilled in…
(Washington, DC) Police charged with protecting the US Capitol and the politicians and their staffers who work there say they are investigating numerous reports of missing spines that came in on the occasion of the…
Former President Donald Trump returned to Washington today to honor the first anniversary of the January 6th riot he orchestrated with a pipe-bomb-laying ceremony on the steps of the U.S. Capitol. In a brief speech…
It’s already the year 2022 in Australia and the message from Down Under to the rest of the world couldn’t be clearer. “You know how bad 2021 was? Well, it only gets worse. Don’t do…
STEELERS BRIEF: After rampant speculation about his forthcoming retirement, Steelers franchise QB Ben Roethlisberger has effectively admitted that the upcoming Monday night home game against the Cleveland Browns will be the last time he throws…
(Altanta, GA) The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention announced their latest recommendation today that Senator Rand Paul (R – KY) self- isolate for the next 10,950 days. CDC Director Dr. Rochelle Walensky explained that this…
After having been convicted on 5 out of 6 counts in her trial, disgraced socialite Ghislaine Maxwell has asked to be given a light sentence in exchange for her procuring all the underage concubines the…
Researchers in the field of dermatology are publishing their amazing finding of the thinnest known human skin which they discovered on the body of former Pittsburgh news reporter and current shock jock, Wendy Bell. Using…
(Dallas, TX) First Baptist Church is still on fire following a visit by former President Trump for services in the week before Christmas, according to the area fire marshall. The unexplained blaze broke out while…
CAPITOL BRIEF: Leading figures in the coal and gas industries that have donated generously to Manchin’s political campaigns over the years said today they will be holding future contributions over concerns about how they would…
Following Senator Joe Manchin’s torpedoing of the Build Back America bill – allegedly in part due to a belief that child tax credits would be spent on drugs – members of the powerful Drug Dealers…
Numerous members of the Democratic Party are hospitalized today – with many in traction – after a ‘trust fall’ exercise on the steps of the Capitol went horribly wrong this morning. Intended as a team…
(Battle Creek, MI) The Kellogg Company [MYSE: K] announced today that Corn Flakes are being permanently discontinued after company management became unsatisfied with how the product was performing. “We tried to work with Corn Flakes…
Following multiple deaths in an Amazon warehouse in Illinois due to tornado damage, company founder Jeff Bezos has taken to twitter to express his personal sorrow over the tragic loss. “I am heartbroken at the…
