(The White House) In apparent recognition of the imminent reality that his term of office is coming to an end, President Trump has authorized an official statement confirming that his last full day of not…
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(Zabul Provence, Afghanistan) Though the year has barely gotten underway, Taliban leaders today announced their 2021 Warrior of the Year, which recognizes the individual who has shown the most daring and initiative in attacking their…
Kurt Russell awake to frantic messages today pleading with him to overthrow the commandeering of Air Force One by a known terrorist. The individual in question is said to be ‘many more magnitudes more dangerous’…
TECH BRIEF: Presidential Medal of Honor recipient and arch-bovine-hater Devin Nunes today expressed concern for the consequences of social media platforms like Facebook and Twitter shutting down Republican voices. “How will the Presidents followers organize…
As the true extent of Wednesday’s events sink in – during which the US Capitol was forcefully taken over in order to successfully interrupt one of the most important functions of government – people are…
(The White House) Seeking to play up his good points with a view to his legacy, embattled President Donald J Trump today reminded people that he will have the most diverse administration in history in…
(Atlanta, GA) Following their narrow but conclusive defeats by their Democratic challengers, Republican Senators for Georgia Kelly Loeffler and David Perdue today formally initiated the process of contesting the results by researching local landscaping companies…
President-elect Biden received high praise today for his comprehensive plan to disinfect the White House, with many commending his team on developing such a well-thought-out plan so quickly. However Biden, who is known to be…
(The White House) In a little-noticed ceremony today, President Trump presented the Medal of Freedom to Melissa Carone, having previous granted the honorific to Representative David Nunes for his exemplary record in service to the…
President Trump faced accusations today of egregious abuse of his clemency powers today, that allow him to spare select poultry from being served at the dinner table. Though US Presidents normally pardon two lucky turkeys…
President-elect Joe Biden announced another cabinet-level nomination today, that of actor Tom Cruise to the newly created post of COVID-19 Guidelines Enforcement Czar. “With Tom’s help and extreme passion, we are going to kick this…
Following the revelation by President Trump that Rudy Giuliani has tested positive for COVID-19, the former mayor of New York City is refusing to concede to the pandemic virus and has vowed to overturn the…
A young Rudy Giuliani time traveling from late 1980s stopped by to check in on his 76-year-old self today, hoping to find himself basking in the glow of his former achievements. Young Giuliani was pleased…
After making little headway with his claims of voter fraud in the November 3rd election won, President Trump won a major victory today when one of his central assertions – that huge numbers of dead…
(Burlington, VT) The Emily Post Institute today singled out the White House and the Trump administration for praise, saying its renewed commitment to politeness is most welcome. People visiting and working in the White House…
(The White House) It has emerged that President Trump intends to grant a ‘full and unequivocal pardon’ to film director Tom Hooper for his role in making the movie CATS, based on the musical of…
A mysterious monolith in the Utah desert has disappeared shortly after its discovery, prompting even more speculation as to its origin and purpose. That was answered today when NASA reported receiving a message originating from…
Disease modelers today warned courts in the United States are facing an acute danger of being overrun by a rash of meritless filings and lawsuits that could overwhelm the system within days, according to the…
(Atlanta, GA) The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has issued a special call to the nation’s crazy uncles to do their bit to help prevent the spread of COVID-19 this holiday season. “We strongly…
(The White House) A planned trip by President Trump to Gettysburg has been cancelled, after he was incensed to learn he wouldn’t be the first President to give a rousing speech there. Trump took to twitter…