On a campaign call knowingly monitored by the press, President Trump today expressed disdain for Isaac Newton, Albert Einstein and other like-minded ‘idiots’, declaring their obsession with the mutual attraction of mass-bearing objects unpatriotic. “Americans…
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A rambunctious NBC Town Hall event is being praised for the tough line host Savannah Guthrie took with the President, particularly when she criticized him for retweeting a conspiracy theory by reminding him that he…
SCOTUS BRIEFING: The ultimately unstoppable confirmation of Justice Ginsburg’s replacement hit a minor bump today when nominee Amy Coney Barrett was asked by Senator Cory Booker if she would like a glass of water. “I…
(Ottawa, ON) Having already pledged to resettle tens of thousands of Syrian refugees, the Canadian government of Justin Trudeau is moving ahead with plans to deal with an even larger refugee crisis – the influx of…
Saying their endorsement of President Trump goes well beyond mere lip-service, Taliban leaders today announced an intense door-knocking campaign to help get the vote out for their preferred candidate. “Hopefully the presence of our elite…
(Pittsburgh, PA) A controversial statue of Christopher Columbus has been removed from its place of prominence in the East End’s Schenley Park, and replaced with ‘Pierogi In Bronze’, a lesser-known work by Pittsburgh native Andy…
The White House has confirmed that President Trump will undergo a medical evaluation live on television tonight to address concerns that he has continued health problems associated with his COVID-19 infection. The thorough physical will…
Vice President Mike Pence was reported to be feeling ‘in the dumps’ today following his inability to become infected with the novel coronavirus as his boss and most of the administration already have. “He just…
The reappearance of 2016 election Town Hall debate hit Ken Bone and his infamous Red Sweater is showing the potential to shake up an already crazy Presidential race, with a movement to elect the bright…
(The White House) In a bid to save everyone’s time, the White House has announced that, going forward, it will update the media with the names of people working there who aren’t actively fighting a…
In Underworld news, Satan has announced he will not be fomenting evil in the hearts and minds of living souls for the next 14 days as he will be self-isolating out of an ‘abundance of…
MEDICAL BRIEF: As the public wonder about the side effects of President Trump’s medications – particularly the known tendency of high-dose steroids like the dexamethasone he is taking to cause, aggression, delirium and delusions of…
Concerns that the Vice President would be reluctant to concede to social distancing demands for the Vice Presidential debate were put to rest today when Pence’s negotiators said they require a comprehensive barrier separating Pence…
(The White House) The Press Secretary for Melania Trump has announced the First Lady will be departing the White House immediately to seek medical treatment after her outlook darkened considerably. “She’s just not comfortable here…
(Bethesda, MD) Following a brief car journey to wave to his supporters outside the Walter Reed National Military Hospital where he is in residence, President Trump took to twitter tonight to reassure them he will…
(Pyongyang, DPRK) After seeing him give an update on President Trump’s condition, Kim Jong-un today extended an invitation to Dr. Sean Conley to head up the State Media apparatus of the nation he rules with…
Senator Mitch McConnell has announced he has received a serious diagnosis, following President Trump’s revelation that he has tested positive for the coronavirus and has experienced symptoms. “I too have been informed that I am…
The face of the coronavirus task force, Dr. Anthony Fauci, has been hospitalized after suffering a severe outbreak of facepalming syndrome, it was revealed today. Though Dr. Fauci developed the debilitating condition earlier this year,…
Saying that it was revising its format in light of how Tuesday night went, the 2020 Commission On Presidential Debates has secured the use of a well-known prop from the classic 1991 thriller, The Silence…
The Biden campaign is dealing with significant blow-back after the Democratic challenger called President Trump a clown during the first of the 2020 Presidential debates. In a match-up described universally as a ‘shit show’, many…