The singer and songwriter Ed Sheeran is dead, according to former superfan Amy Egan. “Ed Sheeran is no more.” The tragic incident occured shortly after he announced his retirement from live performances. “I hadn’t even…
Brazilian President Jair Bolsonaro has sent profuse apologies to Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos after razing his company’s headquarters to the ground. “Sorry I got carried away.” Bolsonaro said he saw the name on the side…
The Islamic Republic of Iran announced its determination to possess nuclear weapons today, though insisted it was for purely peaceful purposes. “We need them to defend ourselves from these wicked sandstorms! They are the devil!!!”…
Hones bees are remembering one of their own today, who they say narrowly escaped the Notre Dame disaster only to be consumed in the raging fires in the Amazon. “He was already pretty disgusted when…
In what is being interpreted as a clear rebuke to President Trump, the country of Greenland has announced its sale – to Mexico. “Finally Mexico has a strategic foothold in the North Atlantic.” The Mexican…
After already ordering US Companies to stop working with China as part of his escalating trade war, President Trump has hit on the idea of punishing the PROC further by demanding United States citizens give…
Though he normally loathes to comment on work activities, the Grim Reaper admitted today to a local radio station that scything David Koch recently was ‘pretty sweet’ as the job goes. “When I cast the…
The passing of billionaire David Koch was acknowledged by the bank accounts of thousands of politicians today, who say this one has hit them hard. “I feel so empty inside.” They recalled Koch as a…
The largely autonomous country of Greenland has declared it is not interested in being bought by Russia, after one of Vladimir Putin’s proxies expressed interest recently. “To be abundantly clear to the Russian Federation –…
President Trump’s proposal to purchase Greenland has found favor with a demographic close to his heart – his supporters. “This is an even better idea than that wall he built!” They say their enthusiasm is…
The Supreme Court has ruled against the Trump Administration saying that immigrant children in detention must be given toothpaste and access to a place where sleep is possible. The decision was immediately denounced as wrong…
An immigrant woman in the New York City area has been informed she has overstayed her welcome in the United States and is to be expelled from the country. ICE officials said the deportion was…
A 70-year-old Iowa Congressman, who recently opined that the human population might not exist were it not for rape and incest, has been facing calls for his resignation. That is until someone came up with…
Developing story…
A corrections officer has cleared up the mystery of how Jeffrey Epstein was able to kill himself in prison, after admitting he had misinterpretated his instructions for that day. “I thought I was put on…
(The White House) After being in a buyant mood following his retweet of a theory suggesting the Clintons had Jeffrey Epstein killed in prison, President Trump has been feeling down today. Aides confirmed it was…
The race for the Democratic nonimation for President was completely upended today, with the release of new polls with a hitherto unknown contender topping all of them. “It’s Green Shirt Guy all the way!” Though…
A politician, who asked not to be named, had a moment of panic this week when he realized he wouldn’t be able to let people know he was sending thoughts and prayers after a spate…
The city of El Paso is suffering yet again today as local officials learned that a dangerous member of the Alt-Right is visiting the area. Though he is just there to look around, they say…
Following an error by President Trump in which he refered to the tragic shooting in Toledo, Ohio, instead of where it actually happened, residents of Dayton are encouraging him to visit the lakeside city as…
