After listening to a very long and heavy briefing by President Trump and his team, in which he made clear that a best-case scenario involved maybe 100,000 to 200,000 deaths over the coming weeks and…
Saying it was critical that his most important people are highly visible, President Trump today ordered the scientific and medical members of his coronavirus task force to wear dedicated attire he has designed for them….
President Trump has announced that the federal effort being carried out by his coronvirus task force will now be known as the “COVID-19 Response Brought To You By My Pillow”. This follows a hugely informative…
Scientists analyzing President Trump’s press conferences on the coronavirus pandemic released their findings today, which they say confirm what they suspected – that the President’s lying is displaying exponential growth. “Back in January we only…
In a move that was long expected, President Trump has dismissed Dr. Fauci, the trusted face of the coronavirus response task force. But Trump said there was no reason to be concerned, as he was…
(Pittsburgh PA) Scientists from the Centers for Disease Control investigating a local outbreak of acute stupidity in Southwestern Pennsylvania say they have successfully traced it to the source. “We have located the epicenter of this devastating outbreak to the Wendy Bell Show…
The threat by Kentucky Representative Thomas Massie (R) to delay passage of the stimulus bill in the House by demanding an in-person vote has been nullified by removing his state from the Union, which is…
Russian Premier Vladimir Putin admitted today to being somewhat unforthcoming about the number of coronavirus cases in Russia, but unequivocally denied he was playing down the seriousness the coronavirus posed, saying people were mixing him…
Saying everyone needs to remain vigilant during the coronavirus pandemic, Dr. Fauci issued new guidelines for people to follow today. “I am encouraged to see people are taking hand hygiene seriously, but there is another…
In the first case of its kind, Attorney General Bill Barr has followed through on his threat to punish hoarders for their actions during the coronavirus pandemic. “Today I have filed charges against one of…
Calls for seniors to accept death as an acceptable price for recharging the economy as fast as possible have been roundly and properly derided, but a new plan inspired by President Trump and Lt. Gov….
Voicing his ‘grave concerns’ about the coronavirus stimulus package, professional government freeloader Lindsey Graham warned today that it could incentivize some Americans to freeload off its emergency unemployment benefit provisions. “I know all about freeloading…
(The White House) There were desperate scenes following today’s coronavirus briefing when Vice President Mike Pence appeared to take severely ill. Witnessess says his head slumped forwards and his fawning over President Trump slowed down…
Tributes are being paid to Governor of Texas Greg Abbott today after he was burned alive last night inside a giant wooden structure in an act of pagan sacrifice. “It’s what he would have wanted.”…
Following his non-appearance at a coronavirus press briefing, everyone is wondering where Dr. Fauci is. The answer finally came when President Trump confirmed he has reassigned the infectious disease researcher to carry out another very…
Sensing it was losing the battle to wins the public’s hearts and minds, the coronavirus has launched a massive effort to rehabilitate its increasingly negative image. A spokeperson for the PR compamy hired by the…
A live-action remake of Rudolf The Red-Nosed Reindeer to be filmed locally in the Pittsburgh area is a distinct possibility once again after Pittsburgh Steeler Ben Roethlisberger agreed to take on the role of Yukon…
FASHION BRIEF: (Paris, France) Mere weeks after committing to aid in the fight against the coronavirus pandemic, the fashion houses of Louis Vuitton and Christian Dior held a closed-door show today to debut their hotly…
Saying he didn’t want people to be alarmed, Dr Fauci reassured the public today that his appearance in a straitjacket does not mean he has gone insane. “Despite that being a perfectly understandable response to…
(Atlanta, GA) The Centers for Disease Control expressed concern today about the growing potential for COVID-19 transmission presented by facepalming, which they say is dramatically on the rise. Models suggest this could lead to a…
