Together with Senator Richard Burr, Senator for Georgia and Fox News Host impersonator Kelly Loeffler is being asked to resign for selling off stock before the crash after receiving a confidential briefing on how bad…
MEDICAL BRIEF: The FDA today warned the public that standing on your head does not eliminate the coronavirus infection, so matter how long you do it for. The agency charged with drug approval says it was…
The American people had some cause for celebration today with news that Senate Intelligence Committee chair Richard Burr – who sold off large stock holdings before the crash while assuring the public everything was under…
(Tallahassee , FL) The Governor of Florida, Ron DeSantis, is getting flak for refusing to close the state’s beaches, which are currently host to hordes of spring breakers who could care less about the coronavirus….
The scientific community has announced it is changing how it refers to the 1918 Spanish flu virus. Researchers point out that the infamous plague did not originate in Spain, which only became associated with the…
The White House has announced that First Lady Melania Trump will create a Public Service Announcement on how to avoid the coronavirus. We have obtained a copy of the script. SCENE: The beautiful Melania looks…
(Pittburgh, PA) Residents of Pittsburgh’s South Side are waking up to a very peculiar situation today – normal looking and smelling streets following the St. Patrick’s Day holiday. “It’s just not the same!” The familiar…
(Sharon, PA) A local Trump supporter is said to be ‘over the moon’ at news he will likely soon be the beneficiary of another stimulus payout from the US Government. The man – who will…
TECH BRIEF: Despite the economic slowdown, malware protection company Symantec today reported sales figures of their Norton AntiVirus product are through the roof thanks to Trump supporters. “They’re smart enough to realize that the coronavirus…
(The White House) President Trump has said it is imperative that the economy not be allowed to fail and that the quickest way to prop it up in the face of the coronavirus slowdown is…
The growing movement to endow Detroit rapper Emimen with sweeping powers over the entire country gained further traction today with the release of a Gallup poll showing a majority of Americans would prefer that to…
Like many non-essential workers, local data scientist Greg Pistella has been ordered to work from home as part of the effort to prevent the spread of coronavirus. Used to being in an open-plan office environment,…
Despite initially saying that the coronavirus was a hoax that would go away quickly, President Trump has revealed that he now believes this is a long-term hoax. “As hoaxes go this is a big one,…
(The White House) Press Secretary Stephanie Grisham is to not do her job from home instead for the time being out of an abundance of caution following a possible exposure to the coronavirus. Grisham said…
The laboratory that performed the analysis of President Trump’s coronavirus test – which turned out to be negative – today announced a set of major new findings that threatens to turn the field of sexually…
Calls for the President to alleviate the desperate shortage of Charmin and Angel Soft by tapping the strategic toilet paper reserve reached fever pitch today. The reserve was created during the heights of the Cold…
During one of its daily briefings on the progress it has made infecting the American Public, the coronavirus today paid tribute to President Trump for his abruptly implemented ill-conceived travel ban that has led to…
NEWS BRIEF: Bar owners on the South Side are breathing a huge sigh of relief tonight as tills are ringing after all. With the St. Patrick’s Day parade cancelled, revellers were planning to not bother…
At his latest press conference, coronavirus task force leader Mike Pence has given an update on the measures taken to contain the spread of criticism of President Trump “We’ve made some great advances in generating…
BUSINESS BRIEF: Faced with unprecedented consumer demand, Procter & Gamble (NYSE:PG) today unveiled its latest line of toilet paper to be marketed under its Charmin brand. Called “It’s Just Leaves”®, the new offering is described…
