A mysterious monolith in the Utah desert has disappeared shortly after its discovery, prompting even more speculation as to its origin and purpose. That was answered today when NASA reported receiving a message originating from…
Disease modelers today warned courts in the United States are facing an acute danger of being overrun by a rash of meritless filings and lawsuits that could overwhelm the system within days, according to the…
(Atlanta, GA) The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has issued a special call to the nation’s crazy uncles to do their bit to help prevent the spread of COVID-19 this holiday season. “We strongly…
(The White House) A planned trip by President Trump to Gettysburg has been cancelled, after he was incensed to learn he wouldn’t be the first President to give a rousing speech there. Trump took to twitter…
President-elect Biden continued revealing details of his transition today, including a planned return to English as the everyday language of the United States government. “I am happy to announce I will govern in English, making…
A shocking audio tape of a conversation between President-elect Biden and former TV host Billy Bush has been leaked. The tape, reported made shortly after the Associated Press called the 2020 election for Biden, contains…
Though most attention has focused on whether President Trump will leave the White House given his refusal to concede the election, sources connected with President-elect Biden’s transition team say it is actually senior Trump advisor…
(Washington, DC) The world record for the biggest ever gathering of losers was shattered today after a huge organizational effort paid off in the nation’s capital. Officials from the Guinness Book of Records observing the…
(Wilmington, DE) President-in-waiting Joe Biden is wasting no time as he continued to make a number of important appointments today, including selecting the person who will lead negotiations with the Trump administration to ensure a…
The 2020 NFL football season was thrown into chaos today, after Pittsburgh Steelers coach Mike Tomlin accused the league of being susceptible to widespread fraud. Speaking on 93.7 FM The Fan radio, Tomlin said there…
The 2020 election found closure today after victor Joe Biden received a phone call from his opponent in the race, Vladimir Putin, conceding the election. Though some had expected the concession call to come from…
(The White House) In what is being described as highly uncharacteristic behavior, President Trump was said to be in a ‘great hurry’ today, in contrast to his usual leisurely way of not doing things. He…
There was widespread concern in the White House today that the United States was about to experience disruption on a scale not even the last few weeks could have prepared it for once the moment…
(The White House) During a speech delivered in the Press Briefing room, President Trump today declared an unambiguous victory in the Presidential election after comfortably clearing the 270 hurdle earlier this afternoon. “Despite being recently…
For Hire: Wannabe DespotRelevant Experience: Nearly Destroyed US ConstitutionAvailability: Late January 2021, or now – whateverReferences: Vladimir Putin, Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un, My Pillow guy Contact info: tweet me/DM @realdonaldtrump
President Trump spent his last Veteran’s Day in office speaking with American survivors of the Normandy landings during WWII, and even got personal by sharing some of his own war stories. “I was too young…
