(Azure Sector, Beta Quadrant) Representatives of the Romulan Empire confessed today to sharing their cloaking technology with the Black Lives Matter movement in advance of the Capitol Riot on January 6th following relentless insistence by…
Following its pause in the distribution of the J&J COVID vaccine over concerns it had lead to a small number of blood clots, the CDC has now paused the distribution of firearms after uncovering worrying…
Senate Majority leader Mitch McConnell has announced his opposition to President Biden’s infrastructure plan, which he says will start opposing in earnest after a short vacation at the beach for his annual mating ritual. “Though…
Attorneys representing former Minnesota police officer Derek Chauvin indicated they would be pursuing a new line of defense going forward which they say completely exonerates their client. “Mister Chauvin’s only crime was mistaking his knee…
(Sharon, PA) A local man spoke out today about the pain of living in a state governed by a Nazi executive that is clearly out to get him and his kind. “To all those who…
(Charleston, WV) As the Biden administration seeks to hold the razor-thin Democrat majority in the Senate together to pass a massive infrastructure bill, all eyes are on Joe Manchin who has already demonstrated the power…
Congressman Matt Gaetz was thrown a welcome lifeline today as Rudy Giuliani offered to represent him during his current legal woes with the FBI. “I have a good feel for this type of case.” Giuliani…
Embattled congressman Mike Gaetz, who is under investigation by the FBI for transporting a minor across state lines for the purpose of having sex, today demanded the opportunity to see the underage girl in question…
The ongoing sage of the future plans for the Pittsburgh Steelers entered a new chapter today, with word the team was relocating to Pittsburg, CA. Owner Art Rooney II said it was a simple matter…
Leading members of the Republican establishment admitted today they have no idea what happened over the last few years, as they collectively came to the sudden realization that the party of Lincoln now had people…
Famed sciurid meteorologist Punxsutawney Phil made a rare unscheduled appearance today to say ‘I told you so’ to all the doubters and haters who’ve being saying his best days are behind him. After predicting six…
Fans of 80s and 90s Mancunian music are ecstatic today after news leaked that both The Smiths and Oasis are reforming jointly to create the guitar-based superband ‘The Smasis’. Though talks of either band reforming…
(Pittsburgh, PA) In a move sure to please advocates for climate change action, the second largest city in the state of Pennsylvania has announced it will be America’s first large metropolis with a comprehensive ban…
