Even in the cesspool that is social media, Donald Trump towers above all when it comes to spewing forth an uninterrupted tweetstorm of racist misogynistic invective 140 characters at a time.
Can I do that too, we hear you say?
Of course you can!
Here’s all you need to know to be able to TWEET LIKE TRUMP.
1) Be a racist.
The best way to ensure you send racist tweets just like the Donald is to be a racist just like the Donald. DUH!
Alternatively you can not be a racist and just pretend you are one when on twitter. But be warned – this method can lead to feelings of intense self disgust.
2) End your tweets with INCREDIBLE! UNBELIEVABLE! or WOW!
This is incredibly effective at firing people up as we humans are dumb impressionable creatures. Take advantage why don’t you!
3) Pepper your tweets with subliminal code to indicate your solidarity with bigots.
Tweeting “Heads up – I’m a racist just like you” is far too long and wordy for Twitter. Just type “folks” every so often. They’ll get it!
4) Lie. A LOT.
Don’t ever let the truth constrain you when it comes to composing that stinging tweet. This is social media where being truthful is BOR-RING.
And if someone accuses you of perpetuating a falsehood, you turn around and call THEM a lyin’ so-and-so. Better still – make a hashtag out of it!
5) Insult, Demean, Repeat ad infinitum.
This one’s self explanatory.