The Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences has taken the unusual step of announcing the winners in advance this year, as they can be worked out anyway by a process of elimination.

“The 2019 Oscars will go to anyone we can find who is not a sexual abuser, nor a racist or homophobic.”

Even then they say some people will have to take two or more home, so that all the awards are handed out.

“If you know of any other people in Hollywood who are none of those things that are not on our shortlist, please tell us.”