Acting Navy Secretary Thomas Modly is being commended by top Navy officers after successfully deploying a new offensive weapons system he personally developed all by himself. Called his mouth, he demonstrated its effectiveness by torpedoing his own career in front of the crew of the USS Theodore Roosevelt. To cheers of ‘Go fuck yourself!’ and ‘What a whiny asshole!’, Secretary Modly let loose the hugely damaging weapon in a show of awesome self-destructiveness. Perplexing, Modly then abruptly resigned his position, which Navy Brass deeply regret.
“We were so looking forward to seeing him discharge his mouth again. Oh well.”
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