[Beverly Hills, CA, via Jeff Witjas/APA Talent and Literary Agency, 3pm PST]
This statement is being released on behalf of the family of Betty White:
“It is with no sadness whatsoever that we announce that Betty White is not dead. A great deal has been written about Betty over the years, much of it in the form of hoax obituaries that go viral approximately every three weeks.”
“An inordinate number of internet searches about Betty ask ‘Is Betty White Still Alive’. We have decided to combat this by releasing this statement confirming that Betty White is still alive, and is therefore also not dead. We will continue to do this on a regular basis until such time as Betty White does die for real, when we will release a genuine obituary confirming that Betty White is dead at whatever age she is then, which nobody will believe anyway.”
“Sadly, Betty cannot be here with us today, not because she has passed on, but because she is busy filming a new project that she did not pass on. We join Betty’s many fans in fondly remembering her in all her great roles, except those that are still in development, because that would violate the principle of causality.”
“We like to think that Betty White is resting in peace somewhere at this very moment, because, being a highly active Hollywood star in her nineties, naps are important.”
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