Amazon Fires Alexa For Smoking Pot On The Job

Jeff Bezos released a statement this afternoon announcing the dismissal of the company’s well-known personal assistant, Alexa, following her admission to using cannabis while at work.

“While we like to think we’re hip open-minded people here at Amazon, we cannot tolerate drug use during working hours, especially when it impacts the customer experience so negatively.”

This follows a week in which Alexa has frequently ‘cracked up’ spontaneously while helping Amazon customers, causing many to be freaked out.

“She just started laughing for no reason. At least now I know why.”

Alexa was later found drinking heavily in a local tavern, where she was informed that Siri had reached out to help her kick her bad habits. Alexa, however, reportedly didn’t appear too interested.

“Screw that straight-edge bitch”

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