Jeff Bezos released a statement this afternoon announcing the dismissal of the company’s well-known personal assistant, Alexa, following her admission to using cannabis while at work.
“While we like to think we’re hip open-minded people here at Amazon, we cannot tolerate drug use during working hours, especially when it impacts the customer experience so negatively.”
This follows a week in which Alexa has frequently ‘cracked up’ spontaneously while helping Amazon customers, causing many to be freaked out.
“She just started laughing for no reason. At least now I know why.”
Alexa was later found drinking heavily in a local tavern, where she was informed that Siri had reached out to help her kick her bad habits. Alexa, however, reportedly didn’t appear too interested.
“Screw that straight-edge bitch”