Announcement That Beaker Will Be New Press Secretary Garners Widespread Approval

The news that Stephanie Grisham is stepping down as White House Press Secretary had barely started to circulate when a surprise announcement that Beaker would be replacing her was met with approval even from the President’s harshest critics.

“Finally competence is taking hold.”

Though some expressed surprise at the muppet’s appointment to the role, seasoned observers of the Trump administration insist this is good move. They say the choice of someone like Beaker signals a desire to return to holding regular press briefings like in the past.

“When Beaker speaks, though it sounds alarming, you can’t actually discern what he is saying – which is a vast improvement over his predecessors.”

Concerns that this was a trivial appointment based on Beaker sharing his hair color with the President were quickly dispelled during his first appearance at the podium where he exuded confidence.

“Meep meep meep meep MEEP!”

Beaker is considered an ideal person for the notoriously difficult job at this critical time as he is used to dealing with chaotic rapidly-evolving environments.

“Beaker doesn’t get fazed when he is being eletrocuted or doused in boiling water, meaning he is well prepared for times of crisis like we face now.”

In particular he is expected to be much more forthright and honest with the press than past press sectretaries who actually spoke, like Sean Spicer and Sarah Huckabee Sanders.

“Being babbled at incomprehensibly is infinitely preferable to being straight-up lied to all the time.”

Meanwhile Kellyanne Conway, whose removal has been recommended for repeatedly violating the Hatch Act, as well as general wickedness, is coming under considerable pressure to also step aside according to White House sources.

“Miss Piggy is currently the favorite to replace her.”

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15 Comments on "Announcement That Beaker Will Be New Press Secretary Garners Widespread Approval"

  1. A dead roach would be better than hucklebut

  2. Cathy Paulino | June 22, 2019 at 11:21 pm | Reply

    Better than all the previous puppets.

  3. Better than all the previous puppets.

  4. Maybe Kermit could run against Trump and then appoint Big Bird to head the EPA and Cookie Monster as Housing & Community Development, Oscar The Grouch for Attorney General (or to replace Mitch McConnell), and Sophie as Sec. of State. President Kermit might keep Conway for a while because operates on the level of a muppet anyway.

  5. Come on now.

    Beaker has too many ethics to work in the West Wing. 🙂

  6. The two old grumps from the balcony would be the perfect pair to replace McConnell
    The Swedish Chef as translater for Trump. I wonder if anyone adked hom if he knew what cofefe was?

  7. Dick Parrish | June 21, 2019 at 2:09 pm | Reply

    It will be nice to watch someone who’s not so much of a dummy for a change. Oh that’s right, he won’t be behind that podium in the foreseeable future. Don’t forget, what the prezidick does is no longer any of ‘Murikkka’s business.

  8. I think the White House press Corp deserve Bill Belichek

  9. I’m surprised Fozzie Bear wasn’t chosen: by far a more kinetic speaker, and completely oblivious to criticism.

  10. I think it’s more unlikely that the Trump administration would hire someone with a science background for speaker.

  11. Will the Sweedish Chef be in charge of the kitchen? I’m sure the president would like a Scandinavian to order his McDonalds for every meal. Börk Börk!

  12. At last – some sanity

  13. David S Wilkinson | June 13, 2019 at 10:02 pm | Reply

    Bunson will be brought in as communications director

  14. Joanne Pappalardo | June 13, 2019 at 7:59 pm | Reply

    Beaker is a great choice! You can’t understand him, but he never lies! At least not that you can tell!

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