The news that Stephanie Grisham is stepping down as White House Press Secretary had barely started to circulate when a surprise announcement that Beaker would be replacing her was met with approval even from the President’s harshest critics.
“Finally competence is taking hold.”
Though some expressed surprise at the muppet’s appointment to the role, seasoned observers of the Trump administration insist this is good move. They say the choice of someone like Beaker signals a desire to return to holding regular press briefings like in the past.
“When Beaker speaks, though it sounds alarming, you can’t actually discern what he is saying – which is a vast improvement over his predecessors.”
Concerns that this was a trivial appointment based on Beaker sharing his hair color with the President were quickly dispelled during his first appearance at the podium where he exuded confidence.
“Meep meep meep meep MEEP!”
Beaker is considered an ideal person for the notoriously difficult job at this critical time as he is used to dealing with chaotic rapidly-evolving environments.
“Beaker doesn’t get fazed when he is being eletrocuted or doused in boiling water, meaning he is well prepared for times of crisis like we face now.”
In particular he is expected to be much more forthright and honest with the press than past press sectretaries who actually spoke, like Sean Spicer and Sarah Huckabee Sanders.
“Being babbled at incomprehensibly is infinitely preferable to being straight-up lied to all the time.”
Meanwhile Kellyanne Conway, whose removal has been recommended for repeatedly violating the Hatch Act, as well as general wickedness, is coming under considerable pressure to also step aside according to White House sources.
“Miss Piggy is currently the favorite to replace her.”
Your support keeps the satire coming