(Pittsburgh, PA) The St. Patricks Day’s Parade and the Pens game have been cancelled and the campuses of Pitt, CMU, Duquesne, Chatham, and Point Park will be devoid of students for the rest of the semester due to the coronavirus.

But there is one institution that is showing the steely determination that Pittsburgh used to be famous for by refusing to change course despite terrifying threats to public health – Pittsburgh Area Schools.

Asked why they hadn’t closed in the face of a looming pandemic, local school boards said there was a ready explanaion.

“There haven’t been any mild snow flurries yet.”

They added the temperature was quite warm so there would be no risk of students being exposed to chilly temperatures at bus-stops before being exposed to their infected peers in school hallways.

“So you see there’s nothing to be worried about.”

Concerns that the virus could pass easily in schools with hundreds or thousands of student in confined spaces were easily dismissed.

“As you know all teenagers are very responsible and like to maintain a large distance from each other at all times rather than forming cliques and goofing around.”

They added the situation could change if there was some really heavy rain that caused worse-than-normal morning traffic jams.

“And if we do close we’ll make sure to do it at 11am the day of.”