Atlanta Police Determine Shooting That Left 8 Dead Was A Cranky Crime

Atlanta Police today said they were satisfied that the incident that left eight people dead – including six Asian women – was not a hate crime, but have concluded that it was definitely a cranky crime.

“Obviously the shooter was having a very bad day and that definitely points to a cranky crime.”

Insisting they were not taking the case lightly, investigating officers made exhaustive efforts to find concrete evidence supporting their conclusion. Captain Jay Baker of the Cherokee county sheriff’s office said they had uncovered multiple indicators that the label of ‘cranky crime’ was justified.

“A search of the suspect’s home revealed he had gotten out of the wrong side of the bed that morning – not the right side and a medical examination found a hangnail. Ouch!”

Long’s lawyer welcomed the determination of the nature of the crime by police and said it would definitely be used when his case came to trial.

“We will be mounting a cranky defense and asking the court for leniency in sentencing.”

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