Avocado Overdoses Plague First Day Of Lower Whole Foods Prices

The Amazon takeover of Whole Foods was said to be a win-win for everybody, but already Jeff Bezos’s vision of cheaper food for woke people is causing problems.

With prices on hipster favorites down by up to 50%, the temptation of dirt-cheap avocado proved too much for some consumers who are used to working avocado into every possible dish.

“Those high prices were the only thing preventing this community from overdosing on avocado and blue vein cheeses. This is highly irresponsible.”

Paramedics have been warned to take time to diagnose those crashed out in City Parks to see if they are strung out on spice, need a narcon shot, or are simply doubled over with cramps due to their intestines being packed with high-status fats.

“Sadly I fear a kombucha epidemic is just around the corner.”

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