Chain bookseller Barnes & Noble has announced it plans to act more like an indie bookstore in an effort to maintain market share.
“Customers prefer an indie style book outlet, which is why we will start randomly piling book on the floor and every other flat surface.”
Each Barnes & Noble will also be assigned a cat, whose job it is to sleep on top of the exact pile of books containing the one you want.
“Please don’t disturb the store cats as they’re actually quite aggressive despite appearances.”
Additional new features will include multiple analogue wall clocks that all say a different time, and knowledgeable but cantankerous staff who are much more interested in their own artistic pursuits than whatever stupid book you are looking for.
“We would also like to alert our allergic customers that there will be aesthetic dust in our stores going forward which is designed to look good when you disturb anything near the perfectly placed shaft of sunlight coming through the mostly obscured windows.”