Bed Bath & Beyond May Do Away With Thoroughly Evil 20% Off Coupons

(Union, NJ) Retailer Bed Bath & Beyond [BBBY] has indicated it is considering ditching its iconic and omnipresent 20% discount coupons. Though the coupons may seem like a nice offer, there has long been a dark underside to the marketing scheme that has enslaved millions into a constant cycle of shopping for mini fridges and shower caddies because of a psychological defect in the human brain that insists the ceaseless coupons must all be used.

Thhe move to abandon the nefarious mailed promotion is voluntary on the part of Bed Bath & Beyond despite the public pressure on the Federal Government to forcefully put an end to the practice due to the immensely harmful effects on consumers and rainforests. In some case where multiple household members are signed up, families have been known to spend their entire disposable income on wicker monstrosities and Hotel-brand high-thread-count sheet sets they never knew they needed because they don’t.

There are also the thousands of lost hours spent perusing the extensive disorganized clearance sections at the front of the store, hours which could have been more usefully spent doing anything else. Those clearance shelves have been described by critics as functioning as crack cocaine to the shopping addict, who well may be physically unable to leave the store until s/he has shifted through the hundreds of items in search of a toilet brush set and some seasonal coasters with the right color sticker on them.

Ultimately it appears even the management at Bed Bath and Beyond now also feel hopelessly trapped by their ubiquitous 20% coupons that have brought them such fame. An inability to meet profit margins due to everyone now expecting a 20% discount as a constitutional right, combined with the obstacles it’s causing their online expansion plans, means even the people sending the coupons now wish it could all be a distant painful memory.

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