The FDA has issued instructions that all packaged beef jerky is to be removed from shelves of 7-Elevens and other places it is sold with immediate effect.

Those who have the dessicated meat product in their homes are asked to return it to the place of purchase for destruction. They will not get their money back, but the FDA assures them they will be repaid in myriad other ways.

A spokesperson for the FDA said there were no concerns about contaminants or expiration dates, but the beef jerky had to be recalled because ‘we can do better than this’.

The move is part of a new effort by the FDA to focus less on safety and efficacy, and more on basic human dignity.

Other things the FDA intends to recall in the near future include cheese in a can, hotpockets, and, even though it is not a drug or foodstuff, fidget spinners.

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