(The White House) As Russia continues to amass troops and military hardware along its border with eastern Ukraine, President Biden today announced substantial measures that he is taking to deal with the situation. Flanked by his generals and the nation’s leading wordsmiths, Biden revealed he has ordered a crack team of lexicologists into the region.
“Putin is hereby put on notice that as soon as he moves into Ukraine my people will be there to determine if he is launching an invasion or merely an incursion.”
Additionally, he has ordered U.S. Army Europe and Africa, based Wiesbaden, Germany, to prepare to supply everything that is needed – including the ability to airlift replacement dictionaries into the battlefield at a moment’s notice.”
“You go up against our logistics and our semantics at your peril.”
Biden said he is also prepared to use his powers as Commander-in-Chief to draft into the military anyone he deems necessary to assist in confronting the threat Russia poses.
“If you work for Merriam-Webster, don’t make any vacation plans in the near future.”