Brett Kavanaugh Promises To Uphold The Rights Of All Straight White Males If Confirmed

SCOTUS nominee Brett Kavanaugh sought today to dispel suspicions that he would seek to preserve the special interests of a particular group in his decisions, and assured critics he would look out for all Americans who matter when on the bench.

“With a name like Kavanaugh I can understand why you might wonder if I will show undue preference to Irish-American straight white males, but I will defend the rights of all American straight white males.”

He said he was sensitive to the fears of those who fall outside the close-knit community with ties to the Emerald Isle.

“I know a lot of American straight white males of Irish, Anglo-Saxon, and German stock are feeling vulnerable right now, but rest assured I am on all of your sides. I am a Trump nominee after all.”

He ended with a heart-felt plea for healing the fault-lines that he says pain him to think about.

“This is not a time for division, but a time for all straight white males and Clarence Thomas to pull together to achieve our common goals.”

1 Comment on "Brett Kavanaugh Promises To Uphold The Rights Of All Straight White Males If Confirmed"

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published.




Like us on Facebook!