At an emergency meeting held in the early hours of this morning, the California Parole Board officially granted Charles Manson granted his freedom after denying him so many times over the years.
“We realized he’d spent enough time behind bars, so we convened an ad hoc committee to set him free. Enjoy life on the outside, Charlie!”
The board members swear they had no idea that he had just died hours before and could not benefit from their compassion.
“Oh no! What a shame! ROTFLMAO”
Their generosity has inspired the New York State parole board to consider extending the same courtesy to Mark David Chapman, the killer of John Lennon.
“We’d be more than happy to give Mark his freedom – just as soon as his heart gives out. Sike!”