Cap’n Crunch Joins General Mattis In Denouncing Trump

In a sign of worsening problems for President Trump, an excoriating article by General Mattis was endorsed today by Cap’n Crunch, who echoed Mattis’s description of the President as unfit.

“Quite frankly, I would make a much better Commander in Chief.”

Crunch was particularly aggrieved by Trump’s implied threat to use the U.S. Military against elements of the populace on American soil.

“The only thing the military should ever do domestically is help people, such as by preventing natural disasters or advocating for a delicious corn-and-oat-based breakfast cereal.”

Though, unlike Mattis, Cap’n Crunch did not hold a position in the Trump administration, he says it almost came to pass.

“There was talk about a joint project with Melania on kids’ nutrition, but she was more interested in tennis pavilions.”

The Cap’n said he fully expects to be the target of mean-spirited attacks by the President on twitter, just as General Mattis was.

“No doubt he’ll come up with some crude insult name and question why I haven’t risen in rank in over 50 years.”


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