Host Of 2019 Academy Awards Declared Best Of All Time
While people may disagree over who should have won what category at the 2019 Oscars, there is one issue on which there is unanimous agreement. “This year’s host was the best ever!” The 2019 host…
Arts & Entertainment
Trump To Focus On Domestic Terror Threat Posed By Academy Award Recipients
President Trump has long faced criticism for playing up the threat posed by foreigners and immigrant, while minimizing the dangers posed by homegrown heavily armed domestic terrorists. But that all changed today as the White…
Oscars ‘In Memoriam’ Section Pays Tribute To Kevin Hart’s Hosting Gig
The tears were flowing during the 2019 Oscars ceremony as the annual ‘In Memoriam’ tribute reminded us of all that has been lost over the past year. There was a lengthy tribute to Liam Neeson’s…
Omega Watch Wins Oscar For Best Product Placement Performance In A Feature Film
In the highly competitive category of best performance by a product placed in a feature film, Omega Watch was the winner tonight for its highly lauded role in the film Vice. “I’ve never seen a…
Academy To Award Oscars To Anyone Who’s Not Abusive, Racist, Or Homophobic
The Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences has taken the unusual step of announcing the winners in advance this year, as they can be worked out anyway by a process of elimination. “The 2019…
Gay Man Wins Oscar For Supporting Role As Traditional Family Man in ‘The Trump Administration’
In a heartwarming result, gay actor Mike Pence has won an Oscar in the best supporting actor category for his convincing portrayal as a traditional straight family man in the comedy of the year, “The…
R Kelly Advised By Counsel To Learn How To Urinate Properly ASAP
Having been indicated on ten counts of sexual abuse, lawyers for R Kelly are wasting no time preparing their client for the rigors of serving a prison term. “You need to learn how to relieve…
Trump Demands Wall Funding Following Beating By Mexican Brothers Wearing MS-13 Hats
President Trump has demanded that Democrats rally round and immediately fully fund his border wall, after he says he was attacked today as a direct result of their negligance. “Two ripped Mexicans – I believe…
Karl Lagerfeld Informs God That Heaven’s Decor Is All Wrong
Freshly dead fashion designer Karl Lagerfeld has reportedly wasted no time in telling God that his design sense is ‘atrocious’ and the decor in Heaven would ‘make me kill myself if I wasn’t already dead’….
Oscars To Allow All Winners To Give Live Speeches Thanking Advertisers
The Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences has backed down on its plan to replace winner’s speeches with advertising breaks in the categories of cinematography, editing, makeup & hairstyling and live-action short following a…
Nation’s Memes Fall Silent To Honor Deceased Downfall Actor Bruno Ganz
Those missing their daily fix of memes today are not imagining things, as memes of all stripes put aside their pithy philosophizing to pay respect to their most cherished inspiration, Swiss actor Bruno Ganz, who…
‘Genius’ Owner Figures Out How To Save Struggling Newspaper
(Pittsburgh, PA) The owner of a local major print newspaper is being hailed as nothing short of a genius by employees and the readership after coming up with an inventive way to scoop all other…
Drake Presented With Actual Grammy At Music Awards Show
Recording artist Drake said he was surprised but happy to be awarded a flesh-and-blood grammy at the 2019 music awards show, saying he already has a special place in mind for his new grammy at…
Hoarder Brings Herself Joy By Throwing Marie Kondo Out Of Home
Netflix said today it will not be airing the latest episode of Tidying Up in which Peaches, GA, resident Paige Philips physically ejected tidying professional Marie Kondo from her three-bedroom home. “I was just following…
Ted Nugent And Kanye West To Play State Of The Union Half-Time Show
President Trump teased the press with details of his State Of The Union address this morning, revealing there would be stirring invective and a half-time show featuring Ted Nugent and Kanye West. “Love those guys!”…
President Trump Adds Every Available Liam Neeson Film To His Netflix Queue
(The White House) The President said he needed some extra executive time today as he was busy updating his Netflix queue with every Liam Neeson film he could find. “Why didn’t I know about this…
Ralph Northam Asks Liam Neeson Secret To Making People Like You Even More By Being Racist
With his political career on the lines, Ralph Northam says he found new hope today when he read a trending article about Liam Neeson. “So that’s how you’re supposed to do it.” Despite Neeson admitting…
Adam Levine In Coma After Being Sacked By LA Rams Defense During Super Bowl Half-Time Show
Maroon 5 lead singer Adam Levine is still in a coma in an Atlanta hospital today, after having been sacked by the LA Rams defense while performing as part of the Super Bowl Half-time show….
Pittsburghers Who Haven’t Seen Hamilton Yet Take Production Hostage Downtown
As the last local performances of Hamilton come to a close, Pittsburgh lovers of musical theatre who haven’t seen the show yet have stormed the Benedum Center and taken the entire production hostage. Their released…
Game Of Thrones Spin-Off ‘G.O.T. Los Angeles’ To Air On CBS This Fall
CBS has announced parts of its fall lineup, with the most notable new entry being a Games of Thrones spin-off made in collaboration with HBO studios. “G.O.T. Los Angeles will see your favorite characters solving…