Business

Business September 18, 2017

Toy Retailer ‘Toy R Us’ Issues Massive Recall Of Piggy Banks

Retailer Toys R Us has issued what is believed to be the biggest ever recall of piggy banks, which is said should to returned to its stores as soon as possible. “Do not under any…

Business, Technology September 12, 2017

Apple Introduces 7 Foot Tall iPhone Able To Display Full-Size Selfies

(Cupertino, CA) Apple CEO Tim Cook finally managed to surprise Mac aficionados today in a manner to match the late Steve Jobs with the shock release of the iPhoneGR8. Standing just over 7 feet tall,…

Business September 11, 2017

Amazon Picks The Amazon For Location Of New Headquarters

The announcement that Amazon is looking to set up a second 5 billion dollar headquarters has cities all across the United States vying for its attention. But after determining that no domestic major metropolitan area…

Business, Food, Hipsterdom August 28, 2017

Avocado Overdoses Plague First Day Of Lower Whole Foods Prices

The Amazon takeover of Whole Foods was said to be a win-win for everybody, but already Jeff Bezos’s vision of cheaper food for woke people is causing problems. With prices on hipster favorites down by…

Bigotry, Business August 26, 2017

Clocks To Be Adjusted After Women’s Equality Day Only Lasts 17 Hours

Everyone is being advised to adjust their clocks tomorrow, or risk being out of sync by just under seven hours. The reason is the surprising finding that today – which happens to be Women’s Equality…

Arts & Entertainment, Business, Food, TV August 24, 2017

Prime Members Who Watched Both Seasons Of Hand Of God To Get Free Avocados For Life

Amazon has announced that, from Monday, its Prime members will get discounted pricing on popular foods item at Whole Foods, with Amazon Prime now being the store’s rewards program. In addition to the lower prices,…

Business, Politics, World August 22, 2017

Trump Says It’s Time To Declare Afghanistan Bankrupt And Get A Tax Write-Off

Speaking during his first primetime address to the public, President Trump has outlined his plan for United States involvement in Afghanistan going forward. Trump said he had looked at the books and they were ‘not…

Business, Politics August 22, 2017

Steven Mnuchin’s Main Luxury Commodity Criticized For Tagging Luxury Commodities

Louise Linton, wife of Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin, has ignited a firestorm on social media after attacking people who criticized her for tagging her designer clothes and accessories on Instagram. In a now-private post, Linton…

Business, Law & Order, Science August 20, 2017

Drug Cartels Switch Over To Smuggling Solar Eclipse Glasses

It’s the same old story – Americans flush with cash want something illegal or in short supply and criminal elements appear to supply it. “First it was pot, then cocaine, and now eclipse glasses.” Demand…

Bigotry, Business, Parenting June 22, 2017

Mattel To Sell Over 300 Million Types Of Ken & Barbie Doll To Match Entire Population

Toymaker Mattel has followed up last year’s introduction of more diverse Barbie dolls with a wide variety of new Ken Dolls. However it is already receiving criticism that it is neglecting many groups, such as…

Bigotry, Business, Sex, Technology, Transport June 21, 2017

UBER Managers To Stop Sexually Harassing People In Protest At CEO’s Removal

The forced resignation by UBER CEO Travis Kalanick may have satisfied investors, but his abrupt removal is not being taken well by many of the managers and engineers at UBER, who say they intend to…

Business, Food, Technology June 16, 2017

Jeff Bezos Predicts eVegetables Will Replace Physical Vegetables Within Five Years

Amazon have purchased Whole Foods in a deal worth 13 billion, which Jeff Bezos claims will revolutionize the food industry. Most daring is his plan to edge physical vegetables out of the marketplace, which he…

Business, God Stuff June 15, 2017

God The Latest Investor To Pull Out Of Ken Ham’s Ark Encounter Theme Park

(Grant County, KY) In what may be the final nail in the coffin of the biblical theme park Ark Encounter, the second largest investor after the State of Kentucky, God, has pulled out of the…

Business, Technology, World April 27, 2017

Real-Life Nigerian Prince Struggling To Get Fortune Out Of Home Country

(Lagos) Nigerian businessman Jonathan Obikwelu expressed dismay today over fears he may never get his multi-million dollar personal fortune out of the country so he can spend it how he wishes. Born to a royal…

Business, Critters, Transport April 26, 2017

United CEO Says Dead Rabbit Was Belligerent And Obsessed With Joining Mile-High Club

In further bad news for United Airlines, an enormous bunny destined for a celebrity owner has been found dead in the cargo hold after a flight from London arrived at its destination of Chicago, Illinois….

Arts & Entertainment, Bigotry, Business, Food April 19, 2017

Pepsi & Kendall Jenner Not Amused As Unicorn Frappuccino Brings End To Racism

Reality TV star Kendall Jenner and her brief employer the Pepsi Corporation are feeling done wrong by today as racial harmony swept through the nation over a shared love of the new Starbucks Unicorn Frappuccino….

Business, Transport April 17, 2017

Man Objects To Not Being Forcibly Removed From Spirit Airlines Flight

An elderly man complained today about not being forcibly removed from his Spirit Airlines flight after using the carrier for the first time. Wilbur Coattes of Fort Lauderdale was left wishing the flight he found…

Business, Transport April 15, 2017

Delta To Offer Overbooked Passengers Drugs And Sexual Favors In Return For Being Bumped

Following the PR disaster facing United Airlines over the forced removal of Dr. David Dao, Delta CEO Edward H. Bastian said it was time to think outside the box to ensure such situations don’t arise…

Business, Critters, Transport April 13, 2017

United Crew Refuse To Remove Scorpion From Flight By Force

A passenger on a United flight from Houston to Calgary has been stung by a scorpion that fell from an overhead bin during flight. Crew members were actually aware the scorpion was on board before…

Arts & Entertainment, Business, Transport April 12, 2017

United’s ‘Apology’ Starting To Come Together Three Days Into Previews

United’s eagerly anticipated show of being sorry for what happened on one of its flights is now well into its first week, with rumors abounding that the hugely expensive production is struggling. Theatre critics were…

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Breaking Burgh

A satirical blog serving Western Pennsylvania and beyond