Business

Bigotry, Business, Parenting June 22, 2017

Mattel To Sell Over 300 Million Types Of Ken & Barbie Doll To Match Entire Population

Toymaker Mattel has followed up last year’s introduction of more diverse Barbie dolls with a wide variety of new Ken Dolls. However it is already receiving criticism that it is neglecting many groups, such as…

Bigotry, Business, Sex, Technology, Transport June 21, 2017

UBER Managers To Stop Sexually Harassing People In Protest At CEO’s Removal

The forced resignation by UBER CEO Travis Kalanick may have satisfied investors, but his abrupt removal is not being taken well by many of the managers and engineers at UBER, who say they intend to…

Business, Food, Technology June 16, 2017

Jeff Bezos Predicts eVegetables Will Replace Physical Vegetables Within Five Years

Amazon have purchased Whole Foods in a deal worth 13 billion, which Jeff Bezos claims will revolutionize the food industry. Most daring is his plan to edge physical vegetables out of the marketplace, which he…

Business, God Stuff June 15, 2017

God The Latest Investor To Pull Out Of Ken Ham’s Ark Encounter Theme Park

(Grant County, KY) In what may be the final nail in the coffin of the biblical theme park Ark Encounter, the second largest investor after the State of Kentucky, God, has pulled out of the…

Business, Technology, World April 27, 2017

Real-Life Nigerian Prince Struggling To Get Fortune Out Of Home Country

(Lagos) Nigerian businessman Jonathan Obikwelu expressed dismay today over fears he may never get his multi-million dollar personal fortune out of the country so he can spend it how he wishes. Born to a royal…

Business, Critters, Transport April 26, 2017

United CEO Says Dead Rabbit Was Belligerent And Obsessed With Joining Mile-High Club

In further bad news for United Airlines, an enormous bunny destined for a celebrity owner has been found dead in the cargo hold after a flight from London arrived at its destination of Chicago, Illinois….

Arts & Entertainment, Bigotry, Business, Food April 19, 2017

Pepsi & Kendall Jenner Not Amused As Unicorn Frappuccino Brings End To Racism

Reality TV star Kendall Jenner and her brief employer the Pepsi Corporation are feeling done wrong by today as racial harmony swept through the nation over a shared love of the new Starbucks Unicorn Frappuccino….

Business, Transport April 17, 2017

Man Objects To Not Being Forcibly Removed From Spirit Airlines Flight

An elderly man complained today about not being forcibly removed from his Spirit Airlines flight after using the carrier for the first time. Wilbur Coattes of Fort Lauderdale was left wishing the flight he found…

Business, Transport April 15, 2017

Delta To Offer Overbooked Passengers Drugs And Sexual Favors In Return For Being Bumped

Following the PR disaster facing United Airlines over the forced removal of Dr. David Dao, Delta CEO Edward H. Bastian said it was time to think outside the box to ensure such situations don’t arise…

Business, Critters, Transport April 13, 2017

United Crew Refuse To Remove Scorpion From Flight By Force

A passenger on a United flight from Houston to Calgary has been stung by a scorpion that fell from an overhead bin during flight. Crew members were actually aware the scorpion was on board before…

Arts & Entertainment, Business, Transport April 12, 2017

United’s ‘Apology’ Starting To Come Together Three Days Into Previews

United’s eagerly anticipated show of being sorry for what happened on one of its flights is now well into its first week, with rumors abounding that the hugely expensive production is struggling. Theatre critics were…

Business, Election2016, Health, Politics April 12, 2017

CDC Warns Foot In Mouth Disease Is Spreading Like Wildfire Across United States

(Atlanta, GA) The Centers For Disease control has issued a warning that an epidemic of Foot in Mouth disease has broken out across the Unites States. Unlike the more common foot and mouth disease that…

Business, Transport April 12, 2017

United Ejects CEO Oscar Munoz From Plane At 39,000 Feet To Appease Shareholders

As United Airlines stock slide following the fallout from a man being violently ejected from one of its flights and poor management of the response by CEO Oscar Munoz, the board decided yesterday that he…

Business, Law & Order, Transport April 10, 2017

United Airlines CEO Drags Scheduled Guest Off CNBC Show To Deliver Public Apology

With his company in the doghouse over the forceful removal of a passenger from one of its flights on Sunday, United Airlines CEO Oscar Munoz was determined to get ahead of the story by issuing…

Business, Technology, Transport April 8, 2017

UBER Admits Its Driverless Technology Is Stolen From ‘As Seen On TV’ Robot Vacuum

A longstanding lawsuit between Google and UBER over self-driving cars has come to an end. Though a judge cleared UBER of the charge of stealing Google-sibling WAYMO’s driverless software, the ride-sharing company admitted under intense…

Business, Election2016, Politics, World April 7, 2017

Trump Promises Better Jobs Report Once He Accidentally Starts A War With Russia

The latest jobs report is out and though 98,000 jobs were added in March this is viewed as disappointing compared to previous numbers indicating that jobs growth is losing steam. President Trump, who laid claim…

Business, Technology April 7, 2017

Samsung’s Bold Market Strategy Of Not Having Its Phones Explode Pays Off

Samsung Electronics has posted record earnings in a vindication of their strategy not to have their phones explode. Part of the credit goes to the new Galaxy S8 and S8+ phones, which consumers seem to…

Business, Food, Politics, World April 6, 2017

Kim Jong-un To Hold Free Democratic Elections After Orphan Offers Him A Pepsi

(Pyongyang, DPRK) Ruthless North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un made a stunning announcement today that he would step aside to allow the country to hold free and fair democratic elections. In his last act in office…

Business, Food April 5, 2017

Syria-Inspired “It’s Raining Cokes” Ad Pulled Following Pepsi Backlash

(Atlanta, GA) Given the extent of the twitter backlash over a Pepsi ad accused of trivializing anti-police protests, rival soft drink company Coca-Cola Global has said it’s pulling an upcoming advertising campaign called ‘It’s Raining…

Business, Politics, World March 31, 2017

EU Demands UK Moves At Least 500 Miles Away As Part Of Any BREXIT Deal

British Prime Minister Theresa May has signed the letter formally triggering the Article 50 process that will take the United Kingdom out of the European Unction. Though she tried to be upbeat, it’s clear to…

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Breaking Burgh

A satirical blog serving Western Pennsylvania and beyond