Business

Business, Politics December 11, 2018

Trump To Outsource Chief Of Staff Position To India

(The White House) Saying there was a desperate shortfall of willing candidates within the United States, staffers today announced that President Trump has decided to outsource the upcoming Chief of Staff vacancy to India. “With…

Arts & Entertainment, Business October 11, 2018

Latest Buyer Of Banksy Artwork Furious It Hasn’t Exploded Yet

A wealthy art collector from Europe is reportedly livid that nothing notable has happened to the Banksy artwork he now owns since completing a purchase for 3.2 million euros at a Paris auctioneer yesterday. “It’s…

Business, Local, Sports July 31, 2018

Pittsburgh Pirates Trade Deadline Negotiation Draws Biggest Ever PNC Park Crowd

Following the news that the Pirates have acquired pitcher Chris Archer just as the trade deadline approached, local fans have finally discovered what Neil Huntington has grown to realize over the past few months, if…

Business, Politics July 24, 2018

Ivanka Trump Closes Down Fashion Line To Focus On Nepotism Full-time

Ivanka Trump has announced that she is closing down the fashion line that uses her name. Though she regrets all the menial jobs that will be lost in the Chinese labor market, she said there…

Arts & Entertainment, Business, Politics, TV July 21, 2018

Undercover Boss To Feature Vladimir Putin Disguised As White House Intern

Vladimir Putin may be visiting the United States later this year, but it was learned today he was already here in 2018 to film an episode of the popular CBS reality show, Undercover Boss. In…

Business, Politics July 15, 2018

Trump Hoping To Have His Job As Puppet President Renewed For Another Year

As he heads to Helsinki for his annual job evaluation, President Trump is experiencing a feeling familiar to many Americans – that of whether they will get canned for poor performance on the job. However…

Business, Politics, World June 12, 2018

Trump Touts Huge Concession From North Korea To Allow Casino Hotels In Pyongyang

Though the North Koreans appear to have made no significant concessions, while the United States committed to suspending military operations with South Korea as well as adding legitimacy to Kim Jong-un, President Trump today revealed…

Bigotry, Business, Politics May 29, 2018

Starbucks Successfully Ends Racism By Closing For Three-Hour Training Session

In a move being hailed as historic by Civil Rights leaders, Starbucks has shown how easy it is to end racism though the holding of three-hour anti-bias training sessions. Sixties icon John Lewis didn’t hold…

Bigotry, Business April 16, 2018

Same Two Black Men Arrested Again While Waiting To Meet CEO Kevin Johnson At Another Starbucks

Starbucks CEO Kevin Johnson had said he wanted to meet the two African-American men at the center of the controversy enveloping his company to personally apologize. A meeting at another local area Starbucks was set…

Bigotry, Business, Food April 15, 2018

Starbucks Promises Not To Have Black Customers Waiting For White Friends Arrested In Future

Starbucks CEO Kevin Johnson has apologized for an incident in one of his Philadelphia stores where two African-American men waiting for their friend before ordering were arrested after the police were called. “In hindsight it’s…

Business, Politics April 15, 2018

Putin To Launch Missile Strike On Chemical Weapons Infrastructure In Flint, Michigan

Russian President Vladimir Putin has announced he has ordered his air force and the Baltic fleet to make preparations to attack a vile network of chemical weapons plants located in Flint, MI, in the United…

Business, Election2016, Politics, World April 13, 2018

Trump Organization Wins Lucrative Contract To Rebuild Syrian Airport

Donald Trump Jr, eldest son of the President and trustee of his business empire, has announced that the Trump Organization has won a lucrative contract to refurbish an airport in the Middle East. He was…

Business, Local April 13, 2018

Century III Mall’s Customer Saddened To Learn It’s Closing Down

(Pittsburgh, PA) Century III Mall is scheduled to be auctioned off, meaning that the region’s iconic shopping complex that was once the envy of the nation is going to close down. The mall’s customer, Janice…

Business, Politics February 6, 2018

Dow Jones Index Confirms It Is Pegged To Trump’s Mental State

After another tempestuous day on Wall Street in which the Dow Jones Industrial Average veered violently in one direction then the other, the venerated stock index finally confirmed what many had suspected, that it had…

Business, Education, Politics February 6, 2018

Betsy DeVos Points Out That Dow Went Up If You Stand On Your Head

Asked if she thought whether the fall in the Dow Jones Index was a bad reflection on President Trump and his policies, Secretary for Education Betsy DeVos said it only went down if you view…

Business, Politics February 5, 2018

President Trump Denies Knowing ‘The Dow Jones’

Faced with calls to accept personal responsibility for today’s huge stock market drop, just as he had taken credit for its rise days ago, President Trump today denied any knowledge of the Dow Jones. “Can’t…

Arts & Entertainment, Business, Sports, TV February 5, 2018

‘Blank Screen’ Being Hailed As The Greatest Super Bowl Commercial Of All Time

The Philadelphia Eagles were not the only winners on Sunday night, as a bold imaginative commercial ‘Blank Screen’ won the crown of greatest ever Super Bowl ad, toppling the late Steve Jobs’ ‘Think Different’ ad…

Business, Politics February 2, 2018

Devil Disavows Any Connection With Dow Falling 666 Points Under Trump

Noting that the Dow Jones Index fell a suspicious 666 points on the same day President Trump declassified the Nunes memo criticizing the FBI, many are speculating that this is a sign that Trump and…

Business January 28, 2018

IKEA Founder To Be Buried As Soon As Allen Wrench Is Located

Ingvar Kamprad, the founder of IKEA, has died in his native Sweden aged 91. His furniture empire grew to have stores across the globe, including here in Pittsburgh, providing stylish but affordable furniture that was…

Business, Politics January 22, 2018

Koch Brothers Delighted With Return On Shares In Paul Ryan

Describing it as the jewel in the crown of their extensive portfolios, the Koch Brothers today heaped praise on their favorite stock, Paul Ryan, which they say is paying off like gangbusters. Billionaire energy mogul…

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Breaking Burgh

A satirical blog serving Western Pennsylvania and beyond