God Stuff

God Stuff, Law & Order, Sex August 31, 2018

Pope Orders Clergy To Give Up Sexual Abuse For Lent

Proving that he is a man of action and not just words, Pope Francis has taken a bold first step towards reform in the wake of renewed evidence of the extent of sexual abuse of…

God Stuff, Politics August 26, 2018

Pope Francis Calls Trump For Advice On Making Disappointing Crowd Seem Larger

As he left Ireland following a two-day visit to the historically uber-Catholic country, Pope Francis asked that he be put through to President Trump despite their previous frosty relationship. “Only 130,000 showed up to mass…

God Stuff, Politics August 20, 2018

Pope Francis Steals Republican Playbook By Offering Thoughts & Prayers In Response To Crisis

Pope Francis responded to the continuing crisis of priest sexual abuse in the Catholic Church today, urging his bishops in the United States to offer their very best thoughts and prayers. “Break out the good…

God Stuff, Law & Order, Local August 15, 2018

Catholic Church Overjoyed To Learn Most Pennsylvania Priests Aren’t Pedophiles

When reporters contacted church leaders about the recently released Pennsylvania Grand Jury report into sexual abuse by priests they expected to find them utterly despondent, but the reality today was quite the opposite. “Only 300?…

God Stuff, Local August 14, 2018

God Announces Completion Of Sale Of The Catholic Church To The Devil

In a double whammy for Catholics in the wake of the Pennsylvania Grand Jury report into priest sexual abuse, God today announced he has finalized the sale of the two-thousand-year-old religion to the Devil. “This…

Bigotry, God Stuff, Law & Order, Politics June 4, 2018

God Overrules Supreme Court “Let Them Eat Gay Cake”

A ruling by the Supreme Court in favor of a Christian baker who didn’t want to make cakes for same-sex weddings has been vacated by an even higher authority, the Almighty. “Just bake the damn…

Arts & Entertainment, God Stuff, Sex May 24, 2018

God Distances Himself From Longtime Collaborator Morgan Freeman

In an effort to get ahead of the damaging story enveloping him, God has released a statement regarding his frequent portrayer Morgan Freeman, who stands accused of improper behavior by a number of women. “Despite…

God Stuff February 21, 2018

Billy Graham Disappointed By First Encounter With Jesus: ‘Never Meet Your Idols’

Billy Graham, who has died at the age of 99, was philosophical today after finally getting to meet the person he had devoting his life to promoting. “It’s true what they say – never meet…

God Stuff, Gun Control, Politics, Sex February 20, 2018

Roy Moore Willing To Listen To Teenage Girls On Gun Control Issue

Saying this is a vital issue on which teenagers should get to speak their mind, former U.S. Senate candidate Roy Moore offered to hear the other side on gun control today. “Shooters are mostly men,…

God Stuff, Hipsterdom February 14, 2018

Millennial Not Impressed With Unimaginative Ash Wednesday Cross

A millennial Catholic is warning others to be careful where they get their ashes done after being woefully underwhelmed with the cross she received today at the Immaculate Heart of the Most Blessed Mary of…

Arts & Entertainment, God Stuff, Politics, TV February 13, 2018

Jesus Christ Denies Rumors He Talks To Mike Pence

Following claims by multiple people, including Omarosa, that ‘Scary’ Mike Pence thinks Jesus is talking to him, the Son of Man himself has weighed in on the matter to make clear he is not giving…

Bigotry, God Stuff, Law & Order, Politics February 10, 2018

Mike Pence Disgusted By Use Of Fists, Not Legislation, To Hurt Women

The Vice President has weighed in on the abuse scandal engulfing the White House. While the President was quick to come to former aide Rob Porter’s defense, Pence was far less sympathetic. “This is not…

God Stuff, Politics January 9, 2018

Steve Bannon To Return To Underworld After Losing Second Earthly Job In A Year

Having been let go by Breitbart News Network, former White House chief strategist Steve Bannon said today that he will be returning to the Underworld rather than trying to find another job here on Earth….

God Stuff January 9, 2018

God Warns Humanity About Rise In Religious Scam Artists

Breaking the usual pattern of remaining above it all, God spoke directly to humanity today about a rise in scam artists preying on people’s religious inclinations. “If you want to give something to charity that’s…

God Stuff, Politics January 6, 2018

God Running Out Of Excuses To Avoid Talking To Michele Bachmann

Former U.S. representative Michele Bachmann recently announced she is considering running for Al Franken’s U.S. Senate seat, but must consult with God about it first. When reached for comment, the Almighty confessed he has already…

God Stuff, Politics December 9, 2017

Packed Rafters At Florida Trump Rally Due To Premature Rapturing Say Organizers

The mystery of how President Trump could claim a recent Florida rally was “packed to the rafters” despite clear photographic evidence that the crowd was nowhere near capacity was solved today by those present. While…

God Stuff December 9, 2017

Pope Francis Teams Up With Rapper Eminem To Revise Lord’s Prayer

Saying he wants to update the Lord’s Prayer to make it more relevant to modern people who believe in supernatural beings, Pope Francis is teaming up with singer Eminem to completely rework the lyrics. “8…

Bigotry, God Stuff, Law & Order, Politics, Sex December 6, 2017

Harvey Weinstein Kicking Himself For Not Getting Into Republican Politics

Disgraced Hollywood mogul expressed regret today over how he has led his life, saying he is plagued with remorse over not handling things differently. “Why oh why didn’t I jump into Republican politics when I…

God Stuff, Holidays, Politics November 30, 2017

Marilyn Manson Announced As White House Celebrity Santa Claus

(The White House) The celebrity playing Santa Claus this year has been named as singer, songwriter and perennial goth, Marilyn Manson. Though he never considered taking on the role before, Manson says seeing the White…

God Stuff, Politics, Sex November 27, 2017

Roy Moore Pledges To Only Hit On 15-Year-Olds If Elected

(Montgomery, AL) In what some of his supporters are describing as caving in to political correctness, US Senate Candidate Roy Moore today pledged to only hit on 15-year-olds if elected. Moore said the change was…

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Breaking Burgh

A satirical blog serving Western Pennsylvania and beyond