(The Underworld) Speaking on behalf of himself and all the residents in his charge, The Devil has informed Donald Tusk that Brexiters do not deserve a special place in hell, as that would be very…
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Having remained elusive since the dawn of time so his followers could perceive the profound mysteries of faith, God broke his cover at approximately 6.34 pm on Wednesday 30th January 2019 to reject assertions made…
Vice-President Mike Pence has hit back at public criticism of his wife’s decision to work at a school that purposefully excludes LGBTQ students. “People’s lack of tolerance for Mother’s intolerance is outrageous!” Pence was particularly…
Describing it as the most exciting experiment since the discovery of the Higgs boson, physicists today announced they will be using the Large Hadron Collider at CERN to bombard Christ with the Anti-Christ. “Ever since…
Proving that he is a man of action and not just words, Pope Francis has taken a bold first step towards reform in the wake of renewed evidence of the extent of sexual abuse of…
As he left Ireland following a two-day visit to the historically uber-Catholic country, Pope Francis asked that he be put through to President Trump despite their previous frosty relationship. “Only 130,000 showed up to mass…
Pope Francis responded to the continuing crisis of priest sexual abuse in the Catholic Church today, urging his bishops in the United States to offer their very best thoughts and prayers. “Break out the good…
When reporters contacted church leaders about the recently released Pennsylvania Grand Jury report into sexual abuse by priests they expected to find them utterly despondent, but the reality today was quite the opposite. “Only 300?…
In a double whammy for Catholics in the wake of the Pennsylvania Grand Jury report into priest sexual abuse, God today announced he has finalized the sale of the two-thousand-year-old religion to the Devil. “This…
A ruling by the Supreme Court in favor of a Christian baker who didn’t want to make cakes for same-sex weddings has been vacated by an even higher authority, the Almighty. “Just bake the damn…
In an effort to get ahead of the damaging story enveloping him, God has released a statement regarding his frequent portrayer Morgan Freeman, who stands accused of improper behavior by a number of women. “Despite…
Billy Graham, who has died at the age of 99, was philosophical today after finally getting to meet the person he had devoting his life to promoting. “It’s true what they say – never meet…
Saying this is a vital issue on which teenagers should get to speak their mind, former U.S. Senate candidate Roy Moore offered to hear the other side on gun control today. “Shooters are mostly men,…
A millennial Catholic is warning others to be careful where they get their ashes done after being woefully underwhelmed with the cross she received today at the Immaculate Heart of the Most Blessed Mary of…
Following claims by multiple people, including Omarosa, that ‘Scary’ Mike Pence thinks Jesus is talking to him, the Son of Man himself has weighed in on the matter to make clear he is not giving…
The Vice President has weighed in on the abuse scandal engulfing the White House. While the President was quick to come to former aide Rob Porter’s defense, Pence was far less sympathetic. “This is not…
Having been let go by Breitbart News Network, former White House chief strategist Steve Bannon said today that he will be returning to the Underworld rather than trying to find another job here on Earth….
Breaking the usual pattern of remaining above it all, God spoke directly to humanity today about a rise in scam artists preying on people’s religious inclinations. “If you want to give something to charity that’s…
Former U.S. representative Michele Bachmann recently announced she is considering running for Al Franken’s U.S. Senate seat, but must consult with God about it first. When reached for comment, the Almighty confessed he has already…
The mystery of how President Trump could claim a recent Florida rally was “packed to the rafters” despite clear photographic evidence that the crowd was nowhere near capacity was solved today by those present. While…