(Harrisburg, PA) Pennsylvania’s State Legislature was treated to a mini version of the rapture today when one of their members was summoned to God’s side by ascending abruptly into the heavens. The miraculous occurrence happened…
Joel Osteen is said to be in shock today after being hit with a Cease And Desist order by the Lord Our Saviour, which prevents him from collecting money from the public in the name…
Education Secretary Betsy DeVos has been accused of violating the principle of maintaining a strict separation of Church and State after she announced her department will no longer enforce a federal funding ban on religious…
Firefighters had to be called to a church in Opelika, Alabama, after flames and smoke were seen by parishioners. “They just came out of nowhere!” The unexplained blaze broke out while President Trump was in…
Lent has arrived which can only mean one thing in Pittsburgh – Fish Frys! But there is a dark underbelly to the fish fry capital of the world, where you only have to scratch the…
Proving that he is a man of action and not just words, Pope Francis has taken a bold step towards reform in the wake of overwhelming evidence of the extent of sexual abuse of minors…
Having been found guilty of child sex abuse, Vatican Treasurer Cardinal Pell is to be severely punished by the Catholic Church for his crimes, a spokesperson for Pope Francis said today. “Cardinal Pell will be…
Freshly dead fashion designer Karl Lagerfeld has reportedly wasted no time in telling God that his design sense is ‘atrocious’ and the decor in Heaven would ‘make me kill myself if I wasn’t already dead’….
(The Underworld) Speaking on behalf of himself and all the residents in his charge, The Devil has informed Donald Tusk that Brexiters do not deserve a special place in hell, as that would be very…
Having remained elusive since the dawn of time so his followers could perceive the profound mysteries of faith, God has broken his cover at to reject multiple assertions by others that he wanted Donald Trump…
Vice-President Mike Pence has hit back at public criticism of his wife’s decision to work at a school that purposefully excludes LGBTQ students. “People’s lack of tolerance for Mother’s intolerance is outrageous!” Pence was particularly…
Describing it as the most exciting experiment since the discovery of the Higgs boson, physicists today announced they will be using the Large Hadron Collider at CERN to bombard Christ with the Anti-Christ. “Ever since…
As he left Ireland following a two-day visit to the historically uber-Catholic country, Pope Francis asked that he be put through to President Trump despite their previous frosty relationship. “Only 130,000 showed up to mass…
Pope Francis responded to the continuing crisis of priest sexual abuse in the Catholic Church today, urging his bishops in the United States to offer their very best thoughts and prayers. “Break out the good…
When reporters contacted church leaders about the recently released Pennsylvania Grand Jury report into sexual abuse by priests they expected to find them utterly despondent, but the reality today was quite the opposite. “Only 300?…
In a double whammy for Catholics in the wake of the Pennsylvania Grand Jury report into priest sexual abuse, God today announced he has finalized the sale of the two-thousand-year-old religion to the Devil. “This…
A ruling by the Supreme Court in favor of a Christian baker who didn’t want to make cakes for same-sex weddings has been vacated by an even higher authority, the Almighty. “Just bake the damn…
In an effort to get ahead of the damaging story enveloping him, God has released a statement regarding his frequent portrayer Morgan Freeman, who stands accused of improper behavior by a number of women. “Despite…
Billy Graham, who has died at the age of 99, was philosophical today after finally getting to meet the person he had devoting his life to promoting. “It’s true what they say – never meet…
A millennial Catholic is warning others to be careful where they get their ashes done after being woefully underwhelmed with the cross she received today at the Sacred Heart of the Most Blessed Mary of…