A millennial Catholic is warning others to be careful where they get their ashes done after being woefully underwhelmed with the cross she received today at the Immaculate Heart of the Most Blessed Mary of…
Following claims by multiple people, including Omarosa, that ‘Scary’ Mike Pence thinks Jesus is talking to him, the Son of Man himself has weighed in on the matter to make clear he is not giving…
The Vice President has weighed in on the abuse scandal engulfing the White House. While the President was quick to come to former aide Rob Porter’s defense, Pence was far less sympathetic. “This is not…
Having been let go by Breitbart News Network, former White House chief strategist Steve Bannon said today that he will be returning to the Underworld rather than trying to find another job here on Earth….
Breaking the usual pattern of remaining above it all, God spoke directly to humanity today about a rise in scam artists preying on people’s religious inclinations. “If you want to give something to charity that’s…
Former U.S. representative Michele Bachmann recently announced she is considering running for Al Franken’s U.S. Senate seat, but must consult with God about it first. When reached for comment, the Almighty confessed he has already…
The mystery of how President Trump could claim a recent Florida rally was “packed to the rafters” despite clear photographic evidence that the crowd was nowhere near capacity was solved today by those present. While…
Saying he wants to update the Lord’s Prayer to make it more relevant to modern people who believe in supernatural beings, Pope Francis is teaming up with singer Eminem to completely rework the lyrics. “8…
Disgraced Hollywood mogul expressed regret today over how he has led his life, saying he is plagued with remorse over not handling things differently. “Why oh why didn’t I jump into Republican politics when I…
(The White House) The celebrity playing Santa Claus this year has been named as singer, songwriter and perennial goth, Marilyn Manson. Though he never considered taking on the role before, Manson says seeing the White…
(Montgomery, AL) In what some of his supporters are describing as caving in to political correctness, US Senate Candidate Roy Moore today pledged to only hit on 15-year-olds if elected. Moore said the change was…
(Pittsburgh, PA) The opening day of deer hunting season is reportedly being complicated by a rash of suicidal deer who have had enough of life in Western Pennsylvania. Some deer watchers say it’s due to…
Insisting that the Christian Right were getting it all wrong, God today issued more commandments in an effort to get the people who claim to be his most vociferous devotees on the proper path. In…
(Pittsburgh, PA) Since being catapulted into the national limelight after allegations surfaced that he had publicly issued pro-life sentiments a week after urging a women he had an affair with to seek an abortion, Pennsylvania…
Local pro-life Congressman Tim Murphy (R) is putting Pittsburgh on the map following allegations that he publicly voiced his anti-abortion stance a week after encouraging a mistress to obtain one. Never one to shy away…
In a highly unusual move, God issued a statement today categorically denying any involvement in the accident resulting in Marilyn Manson being taken to hospital. “We may have our differences, but this was a pure…
Saying he tries to be responsive but even deities have their limits, Jesus Christ has let it be known he is tired with constantly being asked what he would do if confronted with other people’s…
Vice President Mike Pence is reportedly inconsolable after learning that Jared Kushner – someone he has been alone with including in the tight confines of an elevator – has been registered for voting purposes as…
Seeking to show he understands what the Houston flood victims are going through, Pastor Joel Osteen has shared the story of a time he was nearly drowned after cash came in faster than his religious…
(Grant County, KY) In what may be the final nail in the coffin of the biblical theme park Ark Encounter, the second largest investor after the State of Kentucky, God, has pulled out of the…