Lord and Savior Jesus Christ has announced he is writing a brutally honest account of his time on Earth, to be published in Amazon’s Kindle store under the title ‘Walking on Water’. The Lamb of…
American Vice President Mike Pence is said to be in stable condition tonight after ‘taking a turn’ while being shown a bronze statue of Molly Malone that is a well-known tourist attraction in Ireland. “He noted how well polished it was before realizing what he was…
Though he normally loathes to comment on work activities, the Grim Reaper admitted today to a local radio station that scything David Koch recently was ‘pretty sweet’ as the job goes. “When I cast the…
The city of El Paso is suffering yet again today as local officials learned that a dangerous member of the Alt-Right is visiting the area. Though he is just there to look around, they say…
Saying this is a vital issue on which teenagers should get to speak their mind, prospective two-time U.S. Senate candidate Roy Moore offered to hear the other side on gun control today. “Shooters are mostly…
The Almighty today denied his hand is behind rain and thunderstorms predicted for the Washington DC area on July 4th. “It’s summer – storms happen.” He admits he received a ‘whole lot of prayers’ asking…
Facing hot water for his recent comments, the Dalai Lama has clarified that all he was concerned with was the best interests of the spiritual well being of all humankind. “I simply want to ensure…
Original content creator Amazon has responded to Christians demanding that its new highly publicized show Good Omens be canceled, saying the series has been personally greenlit by God. “We checked in with him during pre-production…
(Harrisburg, PA) Pennsylvania’s State Legislature was treated to a mini version of the rapture today when one of their members was summoned to God’s side by ascending abruptly into the heavens. The miraculous occurrence happened…
Joel Osteen is said to be in shock today after being hit with a Cease And Desist order by the Lord Our Saviour, which prevents him from collecting money from the public in the name…
Education Secretary Betsy DeVos has been accused of violating the principle of maintaining a strict separation of Church and State after she announced her department will no longer enforce a federal funding ban on religious…
Firefighters had to be called to a church in Opelika, Alabama, after flames and smoke were seen by parishioners. “They just came out of nowhere!” The unexplained blaze broke out while President Trump was in…
Proving that he is a man of action and not just words, Pope Francis has taken a bold step towards reform in the wake of overwhelming evidence of the extent of sexual abuse of minors…
Having been found guilty of child sex abuse, Vatican Treasurer Cardinal Pell is to be severely punished by the Catholic Church for his crimes, a spokesperson for Pope Francis said today. “Cardinal Pell will be…
Freshly dead fashion designer Karl Lagerfeld has reportedly wasted no time in telling God that his design sense is ‘atrocious’ and the decor in Heaven would ‘make me kill myself if I wasn’t already dead’….
(The Underworld) Speaking on behalf of himself and all the residents in his charge, The Devil has informed Donald Tusk that Brexiters do not deserve a special place in hell, as that would be very…
Having remained elusive since the dawn of time so his followers could perceive the profound mysteries of faith, God has broken his cover at to reject multiple assertions by others that he wanted Donald Trump…
Vice-President Mike Pence has hit back at public criticism of his wife’s decision to work at a school that purposefully excludes LGBTQ students. “People’s lack of tolerance for Mother’s intolerance is outrageous!” Pence was particularly…
Describing it as the most exciting experiment since the discovery of the Higgs boson, physicists today announced they will be using the Large Hadron Collider at CERN to bombard Christ with the Anti-Christ. “Ever since…
As he left Ireland following a two-day visit to the historically uber-Catholic country, Pope Francis asked that he be put through to President Trump despite their previous frosty relationship. “Only 130,000 showed up to mass…
