The normally peaceful National Prayer Breakfast was thrown into chaos today when its star attraction, God, abruptly left the room not long after President Trump arrived. The Almighty, who normally attends as an ethereal presense…
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In genuinely sad news, conservative radio talkshow host Rush Limbaugh has revealed he is battling advanced lung cancer. However Limbaugh was quick to dismiss reports that he plans to treat his cancer with medical interventions…
(Richmond, VA) Thousands of protesters took to the streets of Richmond this MLK day in support of the rights of small penis owners, who they say are being unfairly targeted with laws that curb their…
In a huge about-turn, President Trump has thrown his weight behind measures designed to prevent mass shootings. His change of heart came when he learned of the lastest incident in White Settlement, Texas. “We cannot…
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A politician, who asked not to be named, had a moment of panic this week when he realized he wouldn’t be able to let people know he was send ings thoughts and prayers after a…
Sensing it is finally time for action to combat gun violence, leading Republicans today proposed tighter restrictions on gun sales where they say it matters most – in first player video games. “As the root…
Adopting an uncharacteristic somber tone in light of recent tragedies, President Trump today promised to reach out to all assault rifles in their time of need. “You are probably feeling very vulnerable right now, but…
The physician treating Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell for a fractured shoulder bone has spoken to the press about the injury, saying he has prescribed an intensive course of thoughts and prayers. “I ordered him…
The media in the United States today resolved to address a serious problem facing society – how to fit in all the news given the frequency of mass shootings these days. “People expect us to…
Speaking at a news conference on Capitol Hill today, senior members of the GOP cautioned against a rush to debate gun control in the aftermath of recent events. “The period right after this tragic shooting…
Saying this is a vital issue on which teenagers should get to speak their mind, prospective two-time U.S. Senate candidate Roy Moore offered to hear the other side on gun control today. “Shooters are mostly…
The United States has stolen New Zealand’s thunder when it comes to implementing sensible gun control in a straightforward and expedient matter in stunning fashion. The decision came following an emergency session of both houses…
There is an excess of thoughts and prayers in the United States today, as those sent from here to New Zealand in the wake of the mosque shootings returned unused. “They were very grateful but…
(The White House) President Trump has signed an executive order revoking an Obama-era ban on selling guns to the mentally ill. Trump said he was proud to do so to afford them the protection they…
As Americans listen to news of yet another mass shooting, a pattern is emerging that is very disturbing. “It seems these pesky Muslims are getting even better at impersonating white male Christians.” Law enforcement’s job…
(Pittsburgh, PA) Protesters took to the streets of downtown Pittsburgh today in support of the rights of small penis owners, who they say are being targeted unfairly by the Peduto administration. “We have a constitutional…
Following warnings by health officials to avoid romaine lettuce due to fears of E.coli contamination, the National Lettuce Association (NLA) pushed back today saying they had overstepped their bounds. “How about you stay in your…
Saying all law-abiding Americans have a right to defend themselves, the National Rifle Association has called for changes to the Second Amendment to constitutionally guarantee the right to mail pipe bombs in light of recent…
President Trump has indicated he finds the Saudi explanation for the death of journalist Jamal Khashoggi credible. But far less impressed are local law enforcement departments across the United States, where the Crown Prince’s account…