The White House has confirmed that President Trump will undergo a medical evaluation live on television tonight to address concerns that he has continued health problems associated with his COVID-19 infection. The thorough physical will…
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Vice President Mike Pence was reported to be feeling ‘in the dumps’ today following his inability to become infected with the novel coronavirus as his boss and most of the administration already have. “He just…
(The White House) In a bid to save everyone’s time, the White House has announced that, going forward, it will update the media with the names of people working there who aren’t actively fighting a…
In Underworld news, Satan has announced he will not be fomenting evil in the hearts and minds of living souls for the next 14 days as he will be self-isolating out of an ‘abundance of…
MEDICAL BRIEF: As the public wonder about the side effects of President Trump’s medications – particularly the known tendency of high-dose steroids like the dexamethasone he is taking to cause, aggression, delirium and delusions of…
(Bethesda, MD) Following a brief car journey to wave to his supporters outside the Walter Reed National Military Hospital where he is in residence, President Trump took to twitter tonight to reassure them he will…
(Pyongyang, DPRK) After seeing him give an update on President Trump’s condition, Kim Jong-un today extended an invitation to Dr. Sean Conley to head up the State Media apparatus of the nation he rules with…
Senator Mitch McConnell has announced he has received a serious diagnosis, following President Trump’s revelation that he has tested positive for the coronavirus and has experienced symptoms. “I too have been informed that I am…
The face of the coronavirus task force, Dr. Anthony Fauci, has been hospitalized after suffering a severe outbreak of facepalming syndrome, it was revealed today. Though Dr. Fauci developed the debilitating condition earlier this year,…
(Atlanta, GA) The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, following guidance from the Trump administration, has announced it is reversing its longstanding support of the Germ Theory of Disease, which maintains that microorganisms known as…
As they continue to fight to stay above water in these difficult economic times, struggling Mom & Pop stores across the country found hope in President Trump’s Town Hall answers Tuesday night when he touted…
Faced with incontrovertible evidence that he knowingly downplayed the seriousness of the Coronvirus pandemic, President Trump today explained why he misled the American public about the danger it posed. “I can’t bear the thought of…
Leading Pennsylvania wool producers took issue today with Wendy Bell’s use of the derogatory term ‘sheeple’, which implies that sheep are blind followers that are easily manipulated rather than intelligent mammals who know when to…
Faced with inescapable evidence that more people watched Joe Biden accept his party’s nomination, President Trump nevertheless today claimed victory in the number of new Coronavirus infections his speech inspired. “We left Sleepy Joe back…
(Moscow, CIS) Mere days after his announcement that Russia had approved a vaccine for COVID-19 in record time, Vladimir Putin today revealed he had done it again, in this case developing a vaccine that prevents…
Vladimir Putin today declared that his COVID-19 vaccine – which gained the approval of authorities in record time – has no bad side effects, though he emphasized that the same cannot be said of questioning…
Saying it was time to look beyond her public service career as a White House advisor, Ivanka Trump today announced her return to the fashion industry with a brand new line of high-end funeral attire…
Leading underwear manufacturer HANES has announced a nationwide campaign to educate the American public on how to wear their boxer brief offerings. The initiative is in response to concerns that they are being worn incorrectly,…
Following its adoption of a face covering mandate to help control the spread of the Coronavirus, leading retailer Walmart is said to be seriously considering extending the mandate to cover other parts of the body…
As physicians who are not Dr. Stella Immanuel sought to assure their patients that demon sperm does not cause gynecological ailments like cysts and endometriosis, the American Medical Association issued a statement today clarifying that…