After the armed occupiers of the Malheur Wildlife Refuge put out their widely derided call for snacks, some members of the public have responded by sending them dildos. Initially, the rugged militiamen were angered by…
(Atlanta, GA) In a remarkable turnaround, the CDC and major professional medical organizations have admitted they were totally wrong about the relative benefits of the HPV vaccine, and that scaremongering Christian organizations were correct all…
As the Flint Water Crisis continues to make headlines, Michigan Governor Rick Snyder has made it clear that residents will no longer be supplied with contaminated water to save money, given the terrible health consequences,…
The Lucas family have always had conflicted memories of Christmas Day, due to Mr. Lucas’s brother, once a writer of considerable promise, who would always show up with a merry disposition that turned exceedingly sour…
A group of the nation’s top neurologists have issued a warning that excessive listening to music by British songstress Adele can be hazardous to your mental health. This follows neurology departments reporting being flooded with…
The Bernie Sanders campaign is still going strong, which political analysts say is due to his progressive positions on the issues, his success in raising huge sums from small donors, and his wildly expressive arms….
Following rampant press speculation and many shameful reversions to past stigmatizing practices by the media, Charlie Sheen has confronted rumors about his health by publically disclosing that he is HIV positive in an interview with…
[Pittsburgh, PA] A downtown firm is in mourning after office worker Desmond ‘Des’ McGinty was found dead at his desk in the early hours of this morning by cleaning staff at One Oxford Center. He…
A new scientific study by the people who proved that gluten sensitivity is a definitely a thing has proved that gluten sensitivity is definitely not a thing. “We did it properly this time and everything…
[Pittsburgh, PA] A local man suffered a serious injury at his place of work Sunday, though he is expected to make a full recovery. Le’Veon Bell, originally from Reynoldsburg, Ohio, was pulling a weekend shift…
[Heinz Field, November 1] With Ben Roethlisberger returning to lead the Steeler offence against the Bengals, backup quarterback Michael Vick was there to wish him luck and to show him some medical literature on the…
A well-known national sports show host has had the crushing realization that he has been getting genuinely angry and over-emotional for years over nothing. “This has been a humbling experience, I can tell you.” The…
During the course of his duties staffing the Emergency Room, physician Alec Keyes sees a lot of things, including no small number of people with objects stuck in their rectum. He used to attempt to…
A clinical trial to determine the benefits of yoga and meditation for handling stress has inadvertently stumbled upon an even better approach. The findings came about almost by accident as researcher Dr. Mary Greene interviewed…
The internet was clogged this week as millions streamed candid footage of Planned Parenthood’s vile practice of selling baby parts for huge profits. The videos – made by the venerable Center for Medical Progress in…
Delivering a terminal diagnosis is always hard, but it is done by doctors with sensitivity and sympathy every day. Today was no different, as the Republican Party was clinically determined to be in the advanced…
Following closely on the heels of his run-in with a reporter over a crass attempt to question his sexuality, Tom Hardy has again taken exception to an inappropriate question, this time inadvertently killing the impudent…
[NICHD, Bethesda, MD] A nationwide clinical study has confirmed that the mysterious disease that seems to affect most of the teenage population, turning them into bizarrely difficult people to deal with, does not appear to…
[MIT, Cambridge, MA] An unprecedented computational meta-analysis of all data related to cancer deaths worldwide has determined the best way to significantly and immediately reduce mortality. The work was funded by the CDC in an…
It’s been around for years making ill people feel better for unclear reasons, but nobody ever thought to patent it – until now. A conglomerate made up of leading pharmaceutical companies has applied for and…
