(Mar-a-Lago, FL) Florida health department officials warned today that there is a deadly dangerous pathogen loose in the Mar-a-Lago club in Palm Beach and cautioned the public to avoid contact lest they become infected. “You…
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Pharma giant Pfizer said it would never wish for someone to go uncredited for their work and apologized to President Trump today for not properly acknowledging his role in the development of its RNA messenger…
Representatives of the Neanderthal community today criticized President Biden for comments describing the relaxation of mask guidelines by Republican governors as ‘Neanderthal thinking’. “As a species of considerable intelligence that has already mastered the use…
The World Health Organization team in Wuhan investigating the origins of the novel Coronavirus in humans made a potentially huge breakthrough today when evidence emerged how it could have jumped species. “We were always confident…
Though he normally loathes to comment on work activities, the Grim Reaper admitted today to a local radio station that scything Rush Limbaugh recently was ‘pretty sweet’ compared to how the job usually goes. “When…
(Tampa, FL) Speaking ahead of his match-up against last year’s champions, the Kansas City Chiefs, Tampa QB and living legend Tom Brady said the game this year will be extra special. “I realize this will…
In Underworld news, Satan has announced he will not be fomenting evil in the hearts and minds of living souls for the next 14 days as he will be self-isolating out of an ‘abundance of…
President Biden today revealed he has succeeded in achieving a massive accomplishment after completely eradicating a deadly cancer that was plaguing the United States. “President Trump repeatedly warned us about the terrible scourge of windmill…
President-elect Biden received high praise today for his comprehensive plan to disinfect the White House, with many commending his team on developing such a well-thought-out plan so quickly. However Biden, who is known to be…
President-elect Joe Biden announced another cabinet-level nomination today, that of actor Tom Cruise to the newly created post of COVID-19 Guidelines Enforcement Czar. “With Tom’s help and extreme passion, we are going to kick this…
Following the revelation by President Trump that Rudy Giuliani has tested positive for COVID-19, the former mayor of New York City is refusing to concede to the pandemic virus and has vowed to overturn the…
The White House has confirmed that President Trump will undergo a medical evaluation live on television tonight to address concerns that he has continued health problems associated with his COVID-19 infection. The thorough physical will…
Vice President Mike Pence was reported to be feeling ‘in the dumps’ today following his inability to become infected with the novel coronavirus as his boss and most of the administration already have. “He just…
(The White House) In a bid to save everyone’s time, the White House has announced that, going forward, it will update the media with the names of people working there who aren’t actively fighting a…
MEDICAL BRIEF: As the public wonder about the side effects of President Trump’s medications – particularly the known tendency of high-dose steroids like the dexamethasone he is taking to cause, aggression, delirium and delusions of…
(Bethesda, MD) Following a brief car journey to wave to his supporters outside the Walter Reed National Military Hospital where he is in residence, President Trump took to twitter tonight to reassure them he will…
(Pyongyang, DPRK) After seeing him give an update on President Trump’s condition, Kim Jong-un today extended an invitation to Dr. Sean Conley to head up the State Media apparatus of the nation he rules with…
Senator Mitch McConnell has announced he has received a serious diagnosis, following President Trump’s revelation that he has tested positive for the coronavirus and has experienced symptoms. “I too have been informed that I am…
The face of the coronavirus task force, Dr. Anthony Fauci, has been hospitalized after suffering a severe outbreak of facepalming syndrome, it was revealed today. Though Dr. Fauci developed the debilitating condition earlier this year,…
