(The White House) Staff from the White House Medical Unit (WHMU) were called to the Oval Office today to check on President Trump after he went a full five minutes without saying anything even mildly…
As she continues to seek a way out of the hush agreement constraining her, Stormy Daniels explained today that her wish to be legally allowed to discuss her involvement with President Trump is not motivated…
Far from eliciting the usual groans of disapproval, President Trump’s latest impulsive statement, calling for the death penalty for those responsible for America’s drug problems, is being very well received. “Executing the Pharma CEOs behind…
The bonespur that led to President Trump’s fifth draft deferment during the Vietnam War went on record today about that turbulent time. “It feels good to finally let it all out.” It wants everyone to…
A new report issued by the National Toxicology Program says that exposure to high levels of cell phone radiation can cause cancer in rats. Acting CDC Director Anne Schuchat says she hope the findings will…
Emergency services across the country were overwhelmed today dealing with an epidemic of tragic deaths following last night’s State of the Union address by the President. “We’ve never seen anything like it.” The rash of…
Since guidelines were relaxed under the Obama administration, our understanding of the medical uses of marijuana has greatly increased. Recent restrictions are worrying since needy patients could be deprived, especially those suffering from a new…
Procter & Gamble, the manufacturer of Tide laundry detergent, today announced a new version of its laundry pods for idiots who are watching their figures. “With Tide Zero you can now eat our laundry pods…
White House doctor Ronny Jackson, who recently reported on the health of President Trump, is to undergo cognitive testing after colleagues became concerned about his health of late. “He has recently appeared confused, prone to…
The White House took action today against the so-called ‘girther movement’, comprised of people who don’t believe Trump’s reported weight of 239 lbs is correct. “We do not want the girthers gaining credibility which is…
White House doctor Ronny L. Jackson MD has confirmed that in addition to a physical exam, he performed a mental assessment of the President last Friday, which he says Trump passed with flying colors. “I…
White House physician Dr. Ronny L. Jackson reported today that the President’s racism was in excellent health, and said chances are excellent it will hold up for the rest of his term, and quite possibly…
The White House has confirmed that President Trump will undergo a medical evaluation this coming week, to be performed by a Dr. Nicholas Riviera. “Hi Everybody!” Dr. Riviera, who is quite well know to a…
Even since her performance at the Golden Globes, the prospect of an Oprah Winfrey Presidency has been gaining steam. However general enthusiasm turned to unbridled horror at where this could potentially lead. “What if she…
Fears that Donald Trump is the childlike capricious fool described in Michael Wolff’s book “Fire and Fury” were quelled by the President himself today on his twitter account: “I went from VERY successful businessman, to…
Fears that President Trump is in declining mental health appeared to be confirmed today when he insisted his political catchphrase “Make America Great Again” was henceforth to be “Make Amerika Great Grate Grete Again Again”….
President Trump took time today to explain the reasoning behind cutting funding for the meals on wheels program that provides nutrition and human contact for elderly citizens across the country. “These people don’t magically turn…
With 2019 mere hours away, many are making resolutions to better their lives, including a local piece of exercise equipment that hopes to break out of the closet for the first time since being placed…
President Trump said a hugely important healthcare milestone was reached today, as he triumphantly declared victory in the fight against AIDS councils. “Even since the late 1980s when President Reagan acknowledged AIDS existed, we have…
President Trump sought to allay criticism of his alleged statement that all Haitians have AIDS by reminding everyone his information came from the world’s number one scientific expert on the Human Immunodeficiency Virus (HIV). “This…