MEDICAL BRIEF: Sources close to Gwyneth Paltrow say the lifestyle expert is very close to a cure for COVID-19, the disease caused by the novel coronavirus, and will be making it available for purchase in…
Said he was unwilling to violate stay-at-home orders to help combat the spread of the novel coronavirus, the Son of Man has decided not to be resurrected this Easter Sunday. “It’s the right thing to…
President Trump expressed his extreme frustration today at the lack of gratitude being shown him despite his generosity with the federal stockpile of emergency medical equipment during the coronavirus crisis. “First the Governors don’t ask…
As the American public struggles to implement social distancing recommendations that run counter to the human instinct to commune with others, psychologists are coming up with ways to make it easier to carry out. “Imagining…
As the botched response by the Trump administrations to the coronavirus pandemic continues to lag behind other countries – most notably in the area of testing – a rash of tiger impersonators are flooding test…
Georgia Governor Brian Kemp, who recently announced that he had just learned COVID-19 can be transmitted by asymptomatic carriers who don’t know they are infected, said today he has learned of another horrific disease within…
As experts debate the benefits of widespread wearing of masks to prevent the spread of coronavirus, a scientific study has revealed that one particular type of mask is surprisingly effective – a simple Ted Cruz…
Admitting the gig was up after someone followed up on his supposed medical school certificates, Dr Fauci admitted today he was not what he seemed – and not even a MD, let alone a leading…
Saying it was critical that his most important people are highly visible, President Trump today ordered the scientific and medical members of his coronavirus task force to wear dedicated attire he has designed for them….
Scientists analyzing President Trump’s press conferences on the coronavirus pandemic released their findings today, which they say confirm what they suspected – that the President’s lying is displaying exponential growth. “Back in January we only…
In a move that was long expected, President Trump has dismissed Dr. Fauci, the trusted face of the coronavirus response task force. But Trump said there was no reason to be concerned, as he was…
(Pittsburgh PA) Scientists from the Centers for Disease Control investigating a local outbreak of acute stupidity in Southwestern Pennsylvania say they have successfully traced it to the source. “We have located the epicenter of this devastating outbreak to the Wendy Bell Show…
Saying everyone needs to remain vigilant during the coronavirus pandemic, Dr. Fauci issued new guidelines for people to follow today. “I am encouraged to see people are taking hand hygiene seriously, but there is another…
Voicing his ‘grave concerns’ about the coronavirus stimulus package, professional government freeloader Lindsey Graham warned today that it could incentivize some Americans to freeload off its emergency unemployment benefit provisions. “I know all about freeloading…
Tributes are being paid to Lieutenant Governor of Texas Dan Patrick today after he was burned alive last night inside a giant wooden structure in an act of pagan sacrifice. “It’s what he would have…
Following his non-appearance at a coronavirus press briefing, everyone is wondering where Dr. Fauci is. The answer finally came when President Trump confirmed he has reassigned the infectious disease researcher to carry out another very…
Sensing it was losing the battle to wins the public’s hearts and minds, the coronavirus has launched a massive effort to rehabilitate its increasingly negative image. A spokeperson for the PR compamy hired by the…
Senator Mitch McConnell has announced he has received a serious diagnosis, mere hours after fellow Senator Rand Paul said he has tested positive for the coronavirus. “I have been informed that I am not well.”…
FASHION BRIEF: (Paris, France) Mere weeks after committing to aid in the fight against the coronavirus pandemic, the fashion houses of Louis Vuitton and Christian Dior held a closed-door show today to debut their hotly…
Saying he didn’t want people to be alarmed, Dr Fauci reassured the public today that his appearance in a straitjacket does not mean he has gone insane. “Despite that being a perfectly understandable response to…