With much of America looking to reopen its shuttered economy early, the actions are receiving praise for allowing struggling infectious pathogens like the novel coronavirus a much-needed lifeline. “Those stay-at-home orders really hit me hard….
Fans of ‘Coronavirus Task Force’ have reason to celebrate today as the White House announced the popular show is to be renewed despite an earlier decision to cancel it. Executive producer Donald J Trump said…
Given numerous protests against the shutdown and poor compliance with stay-at-home orders across the country, a crack team of murder hornets has been brought into the United States from Asia to assist with enforcement. Governors…
(Lansing, MI) Protesters openly displaying weapons have taken to the Michigan State Capitol Building to demand their concerns be heard and acceeded to, including ending the shutdown to allow them to compensate freely in public…
The White House today addressed complaints about Vice President Mike Pence’s apparent refusal to wear a mask during a visit to the Mayo Clinic. Initial reports suggesting the reason was that Pence was unaware he…
Following criticism for not wearing a facemask during a visit to the Mayo Clinic, Vice President Mike Pence said today there was a good reason why he didn’t use the N95 medical grade mask he…
Healthcare workers on the frontline in New York City looked to the skies today as the Blue Angels flew overheard. However the assembled nurses and doctors became confused when the planes appeared to pass by…
(Atlanta, GA) The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has issued a warning to all Americans pertaining to Senator Tom Cotton, whose recently diagnosed extreme stupidity may be communicable. Concerns were raised when many…
Supporters of President Trump who are trying to lose weight expressed frustration today at the lack of diet products on the market for those trying to cure themselves of COVID-19. “Where’s the Lysol Zero?” They…
Cleaning product maker Clorox has added a new warning to its bleach-based products advising consumers not to use them as directed by President Trump. A spokesperson for the company told customers not to be worried…
MEDICAL BRIEF: Leeches and advocates for their use as a medical treatment expressed extreme displeasure with President Trump today after he suggested infecting people with disinfectant could end the coronavirus pandemic. “This guy has already…
(Las Vegas, NV) In an exciting new expansion of its entertainment options, Las Vegas Mayor Carolyn Goodman said she not only hopes to open up soon, but new never-before-seen attractions for gamblers will be available…
While the efficacy of chloroquine in treating COVID-19 remains to be seen – as there are both anecdotal reports of successes as well as counterexamples and worrying side effects – its utility as a stupid…
NEWSBRIEF: Protesters assembled in front of the County-City building today to protest restrictions aimed at limiting the free movement of viruses, which they say is unconstitutional. Many openly displayed firearms in a gesture suggesting they…
Demonstrators calling for an end to stay-at-home orders received a boost today when their protests outside were joined by a surpise guest – the novel coronavirus. Attendees were overjoyed at the unexpected celebrity appearance. “First…
A man who was passing through Pittsburgh is suing KDKA radio for damages due to a decline in his cognitive abilities after inadvertantly hearing one of their programmes earlier this week. He claims he was…
As President Trump considers when to relax social distancing rules – a decision he says will be the biggest of his life – trusted expert Dr. Fauci has warned him against re-opening the economy or…
MEDICAL BRIEF: Sources close to Gwyneth Paltrow say the lifestyle expert is very close to a cure for COVID-19, the disease caused by the novel coronavirus, and will be making it available for purchase in…
Said he was unwilling to violate stay-at-home orders to help combat the spread of the novel coronavirus, the Son of Man has decided not to be resurrected this Easter Sunday. “It’s the right thing to…
President Trump expressed his extreme frustration today at the lack of gratitude being shown him despite his generosity with the federal stockpile of emergency medical equipment during the coronavirus crisis. “First the Governors don’t ask…