In response to growing pressure, the United States Government is to stop celebrating Columbus Day. The traditional October holiday falling on the second Monday will now be known as Columbo Day, when the affable TV…
(United States) All across the land of Lincoln, citizens of that great country are celebrating the glorious occasion of freeing themselves from the stranglehold of British tyranny so they could be free to set up…
President Trump has rejected criticism of his lavish celebrations taking place on July 4th, saying he is only doing what it right. “It’s important we celebrate our Independence from Mexico.” Trump added that those who…
This year’s July 4th parade has become a lot more interesting to historians, especially of the military history variety, after President Trump announced new Sherman tanks would be on display. “I can’t wait to see…
Despite it being initially frowned up, President Trump’s request that the July 4th celebrations include a parade of tanks moving along the National Mall has been granted, it can be revealed. “If he wants tanks,…
Citing the excellent work he did during Black History Month, President Trump has asked Ben Carson to become gay during June, aka Pride Month. “Ben has proven so good at representing one minority in my…
Today is National Napping Day, which follows the weekend when clocks are moved forward. Though many people support the idea of National Napping Day, a vocal minority are less positive. “National Napping Day is turning…
People across the world are being warned to expect delays and worse on this International Women’s Day due to a major planetary event that is disrupting schedules everywhere. NASA said it was still working to…
Local couple Greg and Stacy Denardo are trying to save money, which is why they will be resisting the temptation to venture out to one of Pittsburgh’s fine restaurants this Valentine’s Day. “Why spend the…
Facing criticism that he opposed making election day a holiday because higher turnout would favor Democrats and because he’s just plain mean, Mitch McConnell has announced he is in favor of making it a paid…
President Trump has taken to twitter to pay tribute to Martin Luther King’s achievements in advance of MLK day. “The way he started the Protestant Reformation was a great achievement. So great!” The President said…
(1st January, 2019) Friends and family paid testament to local man Eric Kopach’s determination and will power today, urging him not to think of his New Year’s resolution to live a healthier lifestyle made the…
(The White House) First Lady Melania Trump has described rampant criticism of this year’s Christmas décor as wildly premature as she has not even finished it yet. “Once the dead goat heads and pentacles are…
An enormous immigrant caravan is holding celebrations across the United States to give thanks for the good fortune it has enjoyed since arriving here without valid visas hundreds of years ago. Though fairly small to…
(Greene County, PA) On this Thanksgiving eve, a local family is yet again facing a once-a-year ritual that they feel they must endure in the name of kinship. “It’s our uncle – we love him…
Local man Derrik Willis surprised his friends today by revealing the shocking costume he plans to wear for Halloween. “I’m calling it clean-shaven guy in jeans and a shirt.” Derrik says dismissed the idea at…
Saying how wonderful it was to see all Americans enjoy a day off to celebrate the birth of the nation on this Independence Day, President Trump today promised to create a whole new Federal Holiday…
(Pittsburgh, PA) A lawsuit filed by the Republic of Ireland in the Allegheny County Court of Common Pleas is seeking damages from the city for ‘misappropriate of cultural properties in the form of a publicized…
President Trump has declared a turning point in the War on Christmas, saying that people can finally say Merry Christmas again after years of it being a punishable offense leading to imprisonment, or even death…
Numerous reports are coming in from all over Pittsburgh that Giant Eagles are stuffed to the brim with aggressive last-minute shoppers determined that Christmas not be completely and utterly ruined because they don’t have thyme…
