While silently hoping that this year might be different, Saint Patrick is mentally steeling himself to witness the multifarious acts of drunkenness and debauchery that will soon be done in his name. “Why couldn’t I…
Observers of Pi Day across the country have bid it farewell for another year. For the uninitiated, Pi Day is celebrated on March 14 in acknowledgment of the special mathematical number. Adherents typically do not…
Famed sciurid meteorologist Punxsutawney Phil made a rare unscheduled appearance today to say ‘I told you so’ to all the doubters and haters who’ve being saying his best days are behind him. After predicting six…
Valentine’s Day is a time when restaurants are full with love-struck and not so love-struck couples out for a fine meal. With this not being any ordinary day, restaurateurs says tastes are different than usual,…
(Pittsburgh, PA) Local resident Connor McCandles has let it be known that he is very close to using the word ‘Sláinte’ as a regular greeting in honor of his Irish-American heritage. He will be staying…
Keeping New Year resolutions is rarely easy – if it was there wouldn’t be a need for them in the first place. All too often people’s sincere attempts to adopt a healthier lifestyle and give…
The ways people choose to celebrate their birthdays are as varied as the day is long, and some argue that many go too far these days by insisting on elaborate parties well into adulthood. But…
[Vatican City] Pope Francis has delivered his eagerly anticipated Christmas message to his legions of fans, who have grown accustomed to his popular habit of shaking things up. In the buildup to the Pontiff’s appearance…
The American Psychology Association (APA) has warned people who want to appear grateful for the hideous unwanted gifts they receive this Christmas that they should start practicing their insincere reactions right now. “With Christmas almost…
(Pittsburgh, PA) Paul DeFries is glad to be an office worker in the age of the internet, as it allows him to get some Christmas shopping done on the sly this Cyber Monday while at…
President-elect Donald Trump has sent America a special Thanksgiving Day Poem. So nice! I’m going to be Prez Thank you for that It wasn’t the plan But then came the hat I like carving turkey…
Out of concern for public health as well as the public good in general, Government officials have cautioned people against serving ‘turducken’ this Thanksgiving. They are concerned that the hen-inside-a-duck-inside-a-turkey is so dense, with no…
Four-year-old child prodigy Edward Sears, an avid reader from Swissvale with an IQ estimated to be in the mid 200s, always makes things interesting for his parents, but especially so at Halloween. They freely admit…
[The White House] News has leaked about the celebrations that were held for Barack Obama’s 55th birthday, which was his last one as President. Obama was particularly touched by the actions of the Joint Chiefs…
The spotlight may be on F1 speedboats, 90s’ indie rockers Better Than Ezra & Gin Blossoms, and the Prince Fireworks tribute set to close the event, but organizers of Pittsburgh’s Three Rivers Regatta say there’s…
[Ankara, Turkey] Authoritarian Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan is expected to come down harshly on the organizers of the failed coup to depose him. But the ruthless leader is reportedly not satisfied with executing them,…
A Fourth of July shooting in Downtown Pittsburgh has been tragically interrupted by an outbreak of fireworks. Police say nobody has been arrested in connection with the incident yet but they are following a tip…
If July 4th means anything to you, it’s probably the deep respect it inspires in you for this great nation FIREWORKS! Fireworks not only look fantastic, they also make a boatload of noise, which is…
Pitt Student Jake Roland may not be the most political person on campus, but you wouldn’t know it this Mother’s Day, for which he forgot to send a card this year. Suddenly displaying anti-capitalist principles…
In one of the most ambitious and elongated April Fools’ pranks ever attempted, the GOP has revealed that it’s entire primary process to date has been a hilarious send-up, according to a tweet by party…