Though Judge Kavanaugh himself has yet to comment publicly on the matter of the upcoming hearings regarded accusations of sexual assault, his penis said today that it was looking forward to a free and open…
A policeman who shot a restaurant worker fifteen times has been cleared of any wrongdoing, after a jury found him not guilty of any crime because he was in fear of his life. Witnesses testified…
In an already bad week for President Trump, the pressure grew even more intense today as it emerged that Robert Mueller has someone on extremely intimate terms with the embattled Commander in Chief working for…
SCOTUS nominee Brett Kavanaugh sought today to dispel suspicions that he would seek to preserve the special interests of a particular group in his decisions, and assured critics he would look out for all Americans…
White House National Security Adviser and part-time Lorax impersonator John Bolton has threatened to punish the International Criminal Court – an intergovernmental agency set-up after WW2 to prosecute crimes against humanity – if it continues…
In a new tactic that could be a sign of their desperation, Democrats in the Senate today indicated they were prepared to drop opposition to any Brett the Republicans wanted to promote to the U.S….
Proving that he is a man of action and not just words, Pope Francis has taken a bold first step towards reform in the wake of renewed evidence of the extent of sexual abuse of…
When reporters contacted church leaders about the recently released Pennsylvania Grand Jury report into sexual abuse by priests they expected to find them utterly despondent, but the reality today was quite the opposite. “Only 300?…
Speaking from beyond the grave, executed spies Julius and Ethel Rosenberg expressed their frustration at having been active agents for Russian interests during a time when, unlike now, it was actively frowned upon. “Talk about…
American actor Judge Reinhold expressed surprise today to learn he is a late addition to President Trump’s shortlist of nominees to replace Anthony Kennedy on the US Supreme Court. “It’s a great honor, I guess.”…
(Pittsburgh, PA) There were tragic scenes on the Northside today, where a local Luke Bryan fan experienced a hardship that caused him to question his support for President Trump’s harsh immigration policies. “They took my…
In a surprise twist President Trump has announced his unlikely pick to sit on the United States Supreme Court in place of Justice Kenndy who is stepping down. “It will be my pleasure to have…
A ruling by the Supreme Court in favor of a Christian baker who didn’t want to make cakes for same-sex weddings has been vacated by an even higher authority, the Almighty. “Just bake the damn…
(Pittsburgh, PA) Saying Wednesday afternoons are a real drag during which it’s hard to stay awake, the Pittsburgh Police Department (PPD) admitted today to leaking riot plans in the event of President Trump firing Robert…
The American Bar Association has awarded Michael Cohen the esteemed title of America’s Most Generous Lawyer, after it emerged today that he also had Sean Hannity as a client, but never required that he paid…
A sign and banner store in the Washington DC area had a little excitement today when former FBI director and Special Counsel Robert Mueller stopped in to place an order. Owner Daisey Ferrente said they…
President Trump has issued a pardon to a very grateful Scooter Libby, the Dick Cheney aide who was convicted of perjury in 2007. Libby was reportedly delighted to receive clemency, and asked was there anything…
There were tragic scenes in South Carolina today after Congressman Ralph Norman (R-SC) pulled out a loaded firearm during a constituency meeting about gun violence and was immediately shot dead by police. “It was over…
The arrest of Conor McGregor on charges of assault in New York City has come as a huge shock, with many fans wondering how this could have ever happened. “You think you know someone.” Also…
The President has seen an exodus from his legal team forcing him to retain new counsel, which is proving far more difficult that anticipated according to inside sources. “Turns out when you don’t pay or…