When reporters contacted church leaders about the recently released Pennsylvania Grand Jury report into sexual abuse by priests they expected to find them utterly despondent, but the reality today was quite the opposite. “Only 300?…
Speaking from beyond the grave, executed spies Julius and Ethel Rosenberg expressed their frustration at having been active agents for Russian interests during a time when, unlike now, it was actively frowned upon. “Talk about…
American actor Judge Reinhold expressed surprise today to learn he is a late addition to President Trump’s shortlist of nominees to replace Anthony Kennedy on the US Supreme Court. “It’s a great honor, I guess.”…
(Pittsburgh, PA) There were tragic scenes on the Northside today, where a local Luke Bryan fan experienced a hardship that caused him to question his support for President Trump’s harsh immigration policies. “They took my…
In a surprise twist President Trump has announced his unlikely pick to sit on the United States Supreme Court in place of Justice Kenndy who is stepping down. “It will be my pleasure to have…
A ruling by the Supreme Court in favor of a Christian baker who didn’t want to make cakes for same-sex weddings has been vacated by an even higher authority, the Almighty. “Just bake the damn…
(Pittsburgh, PA) Saying Wednesday afternoons are a real drag during which it’s hard to stay awake, the Pittsburgh Police Department (PPD) admitted today to leaking riot plans in the event of President Trump firing Robert…
The American Bar Association has awarded Michael Cohen the esteemed title of America’s Most Generous Lawyer, after it emerged today that he also had Sean Hannity as a client, but never required that he paid…
A sign and banner store in the Washington DC area had a little excitement today when former FBI director and Special Counsel Robert Mueller stopped in to place an order. Owner Daisey Ferrente said they…
President Trump has issued a pardon to a very grateful Scooter Libby, the Dick Cheney aide who was convicted of perjury in 2007. Libby was reportedly delighted to receive clemency, and asked was there anything…
There were tragic scenes in South Carolina today after Congressman Ralph Norman (R-SC) pulled out a loaded firearm during a constituency meeting about gun violence and was immediately shot dead by police. “It was over…
The arrest of Conor McGregor on charges of assault in New York City has come as a huge shock, with many fans wondering how this could have ever happened. “You think you know someone.” Also…
Plumbers were called to the White House today to deal with an emergency situation after word arrived that Special Prosecutor Robert Mueller has subpoenaed the Trump Organization to turn over documents related to Russia. Though…
(Pittsburgh, PA) A lawsuit filed by the Republic of Ireland in the Allegheny County Court of Common Pleas is seeking damages from the city for ‘misappropriate of cultural properties in the form of a publicized…
Saying they wanted to give the President the opportunity to back up his tough words with deeds, the FBI promised to let him go in first the next time they are dealing with an active…
Following reports that a number of Broward County deputies were still missing, Coral Springs police have completed a thorough sweep of the Parkland school grounds where trajedy struck last week and located them unharmed. “They’ve…
A Slovenian chain migrant couple currently living in the USA are wishing their son-in-law would shut the hell up until they gain full citizenship, which they fear he is putting in jeopardy. “We won’t name…
The Secret Service has announced it will no longer be complaining about its budget being inadequate to protect President Trump and his large entourage. This came after as they discovered an equally effective means to…
John Kelly’s plan to put a proper security clearance procedure in place to limit those allowed access to the White House is said to be causing him severe difficulties, according to a source close to…
Trying to extract some positive from the horror in Florida, local authorities reflected today on how much more carnage the school shooter could have caused were it not for sensible regulations. “At least he didn’t…