(Harrisburg, PA) Saying it was necessary to set an example, Pennsylvania Governor Tom Wolf has ordered that Pittsburgh Steeler Ben Roethlisberger be punished for visiting his barber in violation of rules to control the coronavirus…
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In any normal summer Kenny Chesney would be passing through to trash Heinz Field along with his fans, but the coronavirus has put an end to that according to an announcement by the country star….
(Punxsutawney, PA) Western Pennsylvania was in shock today, in addition to being cold, after news leaked that Punxsutawney Phil has been arrested for fraud. This follows a lengthy investigation during which it emerged that he deliberately…
(Pittsburgh, PA) For all the damage it’s done, the coronavirus did not stop the National Association of Small Penis Owners (NASPO) from holding a cosplay street fair on Grant street today. With the city otherwise on lockdown there was plently of street…
NEWSBRIEF: Protesters assembled in front of the County-City building today to protest restrictions aimed at limiting the free movement of viruses, which they say is unconstitutional. Many openly displayed firearms in a gesture suggesting they…
The potato-growing industry basically admitted defeat today saying it had no choice but the shut down and find something else to do. “The coronavirus slowdown was bad enough but the news out of Pittsburgh has…
A man who was passing through Pittsburgh is suing KDKA radio for damages due to a decline in his cognitive abilities after inadvertantly hearing one of their programmes earlier this week. He claims he was…
Local radio personality and African-American-career-development-expert Wendy Bell has stirred up controversy yet again by saying the damage to the economy due to the coronavirus shutdown is not worth the lives of some old or otherwise…
(Pittsburgh PA) Scientists from the Centers for Disease Control investigating a local outbreak of acute stupidity in Southwestern Pennsylvania say they have successfully traced it to the source. “We have located the epicenter of this devastating outbreak to the Wendy Bell Show…
A live-action remake of Rudolf The Red-Nosed Reindeer to be filmed locally in the Pittsburgh area is a distinct possibility once again after Pittsburgh Steeler Ben Roethlisberger agreed to take on the role of Yukon…
(Pittburgh, PA) Residents of Pittsburgh’s South Side are waking up to a very peculiar situation today – normal looking and smelling streets following the St. Patrick’s Day holiday. “It’s just not the same!” The familiar…
NEWS BRIEF: Bar owners on the South Side are breathing a huge sigh of relief tonight as tills are ringing after all. With the St. Patrick’s Day parade cancelled, revellers were planning to not bother…
(Pittsburgh, PA) The St. Patricks Day’s Parade and the Pens game have been cancelled and the campuses of Pitt, CMU, Duquesne, Chatham, and Point Park will be devoid of students for the rest of the…
Managers of local Giant Eagle and Market District stores expressed surprised and confusion today at the lack of panic buyers stripping their store shelves of milk, bread, toilet paper, and cheap light beer. “Are we…
(Pittsburgh, PA) Word has leaked early of a major public works project to begin later this year with a projected end date sometime in the late 2020s. The mammoth undertaking will carve the likenesses of…
Images of three sharply-dressed men, who are purportedly from Pittsburgh, have caused major upset in the city in what is believed to be the first event of its kind. “Where is the sports attire?” The…
Local cradle of higher education Carnegie-Mellon University has apologized for a map that depicted the college and surrounding neighborhoods with some notable exceptions – namely predominantly black neighborhoods like the Hill District and Garfield. “We…
(Punxsutawney, PA) Today is Groundhog Day, which is when the down-to-earth residents of Western Pennsylvania turn to a clairvoyant small mammal to find out what the weather is going to be like for the new few…
(Pittsburgh, PA) So you accepted an invitation to your co-workers party on Sunday and – because you know absolutely nothing about sports – didn’t realize it was to watch the Super Bowl. Obviously you can’t cancel,…
Fans of Groundhog Day are set to be disappointed this year, as the event had to be called off due to Punxsutawney Phil abruptly relocating to Arizona. “It dawned on him he didn’t have to…