Parenting

Parenting, Politics September 3, 2017

John Kelly Credits Stress Pillow For His Success As Chief Of Staff

Saying he ‘couldn’t go a day without one now’, John Kelly paid tribute to his stress pillow today, which he affectionately calls his ‘howlcatcher’. “This one here is howlcatcher the twelfth, as I’ve already gone…

Bigotry, Parenting August 16, 2017

President Trump Begs Forgiveness For Brief Dalliance With Moral Decency

With tears streaming from his eyes, President Trump asked for forgiveness this evening from the White Supremacy movement for straying from the path when he flirted with moral decency by issuing a statement condemning them….

Parenting, Politics July 25, 2017

Creepy Old Man Interferes With Boys Politically At National Scout Jamboree

The Boy Scouts of America is seeking answers today following reports that a ‘creepy old man’ was on the loose at the National Scout Jamboree leading impressionable young boys astray. Parents were not at all…

Parenting, Politics, World July 14, 2017

Trump Yells “Again! Again!” After Bastille Day Parade Comes To An End

In an unusual development at the Bastille Day Parade in Paris, visiting American President Donald Trump started yelling “Again! Again!” once the display of military prowess concluded. It quickly became apparent Trump was sincere in…

Parenting, Politics July 12, 2017

Controversy Involving President’s Child Overshadowed By Controversy Involving Child Of President

Last week saw media outlets erupt with images of Ivanka Trump, eldest daughter of U.S President Donald Trump, representing her father at a G20 meeting. While delegations are allowed to have alternates represent their leader…

Parenting, Politics July 2, 2017

Petulant Child Objects To Being Compared With President Of The United States

A self-described petulant child is fighting back against what he says are unfair and offensive comparisons with the President of the United States, after it happened yet again when a video attacking CNN appeared on…

Bigotry, Business, Parenting June 22, 2017

Mattel To Sell Over 300 Million Types Of Ken & Barbie Doll To Match Entire Population

Toymaker Mattel has followed up last year’s introduction of more diverse Barbie dolls with a wide variety of new Ken Dolls. However it is already receiving criticism that it is neglecting many groups, such as…

Holidays, Parenting, Politics June 18, 2017

Proud Father Can Picture Son Investigating An Incompetent President One Day

Local family man Tom Nowak couldn’t hold back the tears when seven-year-old son David said he wanted to made him proud one day. “My boy plans to get into the White House to investigate whatever…

Parenting, Politics June 12, 2017

White House Staff Retrained As Average Mental Age Of Occupants Shoots Up

Workers at the White House are being retrained in their jobs today on account of two new people coming to live there that brings the average mental age of occupants way up. The current staff,…

Election2016, Parenting, Politics March 24, 2017

Latest Child To Reside At The White House Settling In Just Fine

An often forgotten worry when ever a new administration takes over is how well the children who are uprooted and moved to Washington DC cope. Fortunately the latest child to live at the White House…

Arts & Entertainment, Parenting, Politics, TV March 12, 2017

BBC To Ensure Expert Interviews Interrupted By Minimum Of Two Toddlers In Future

British Broadcasting Corporation (BBC) News Director James Harding has issued the unusual instruction that all interviews with experts commentators must involve interruptions by at least two children in future if they are to stand a…

God Stuff, Parenting March 3, 2017

Local Catholic Woman Giving Up Giving For Lent

(Bloomfield, PA) After being harangued by her family and local community over it for days, local Catholic woman and mother of three Sandy DiCario has finally decided what she is giving up for Lent. “Giving.”…

Education, Election2016, Parenting, Politics February 15, 2017

Betsy DeVos To Deregulate Public School Lunch Trading Market

Education Secretary Betsy DeVos surprised critics today by announcing that her first initiative will not relate to her signature issue, school vouchers. Instead she plans to embark on an ambitious program to deregulate the sizable…

Election2016, Parenting, Politics, World February 15, 2017

Russian Spy Ship Off East Coast Only There To Drop Off President Trump’s Packed Lunch

The presence of a Russian information gathering vessel off the Eastern seaboard of the United States has raised concerns, especially given the recent buzzing of US Navy ships around the world. However the Russian State…

Election2016, Parenting, Politics February 9, 2017

Supernanny Rushed To White House To Deal With Epic Tantrum That’s Coming

There was widespread concern in the White House today that the United States was about to experience disruption on a scale not even the last few weeks could have prepared it for, after the Trump…

Education, Election2016, Parenting, Politics, Top Posts February 7, 2017

Grizzly Bears Flee America’s Classrooms Following Confirmation Of Betsy DeVos

There were heavy vibrations and thunderous noises in the hallways of America’s public schools today as the huge number of grizzlies and other species of bear known to frequent their classrooms took to surrounding hills…

Education, Election2016, Parenting, Politics February 7, 2017

New Education Secretary Uniquely Qualified To Understand America’s Stupidest Kids

Donald Trump’s nominee for Education Secretary, Betsy DeVos, has been confirmed in a nail-biter in which VP Mike Pence had to cast the tiebreaking vote. While there was fierce opposition to DeVos, including two Republican…

Election2016, Literary, Parenting, Politics January 30, 2017

Overworked Spellcheck Feature Causes President Trump’s Phone To Blow Up

There was a minor security incident in the White House today after a small explosion was traced to the President’s smartphone. At first the blame was placed on the battery given the highly publicized stories…

Election2016, Parenting, Politics January 17, 2017

Obama Spends Final Days Thanking Staff And Trump-Proofing The White House

A businesslike President Obama is reportedly spending his last days at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue saying goodbye to his staff and childproofing the White House in preparation for its new occupant. “The worry with small children…

God Stuff, Holidays, Parenting December 25, 2016

Man Still Insists On A Birthday Party Nearly Two Thousand Years After His Death

The ways people choose to celebrate their birthdays are as varied as the day is long, and some argue that many go too far these days by insisting on elaborate parties well into adulthood. But…

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Breaking Burgh

A satirical blog serving Western Pennsylvania and beyond