Bernie Sanders today tried to explain why he is suddenly a millionaire to his many youthful supporters, many of whom he blames for the development. “Everything I own seems to have miraculously increased in value!”…
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Senate Majority leader Mitch McConnell has announced his re-election campaign, which he says will start in earnest after a short vacation at the beach for his annual mating ritual. “Though the mating season runs from…
With a redacted version of the full Mueller Report about to be released, President Trump today complained that he hadn’t even managed to digest Attorney General Bill Barr’s four page summary of the report that…
The White House has confirmed that Robert James Ritchie, aka Kid Rock, will be presented with the Presidential Medal of Freedom in addition to Tiger Woods as was announced previously. “The President will be pleased…
President Trump has said he is now more than willing to release his tax returns, but can’t because of a terrible tragedy. “Unfortunately the only copies of my tax returns were kept in a French…
Saying his heart was with the Fighting Irish, President Trump has demanded an immediate investigation in how one of the nation’s finest college football programs could have burned to the ground. “I have put everything…
Vice President Mike Pence has thanked his staff for their service, saying he no longer needed their services now that the Apocalypse was upon us. “Some of you I may seen again soon, and to…
President Trump has indicated he considered nominating his daughter, Ivanka, to lead the World Bank because she is ‘very good with numbers’. However Ivanka’s appointment to head the World Bank was complicated by late emergence…
President Trump has denied knowing anything about Wikileaks despite praising the organization led by Julian Assange during the 2016 election. “I have no idea what this Wikileaks or this Ecuador is.” Critics say this is…
Saying that it totally backed up his four page summary, Attorney General Bill Barr today released the Mueller report in full with only some necessary light redaction performed. He said the delay had been due…
Following her resignation as the Secretary for Homeland Security, Kirstjen Nielsen opened up today about the pain of bidding farewell to her DHS family. “I feel like I’ve just been ripped away from them.” Nielsen…
Barely a week after President Trump alerted the public to the terrible scourge of wind cancer threatening the nation, scientists at the National Institutes of Health have announced they have found a cure that works…
Former Beverly Hills Cop star Judge Reinhold expressed surprise today that President Trump is reportedly extremely angry at him. “It’s come as quite a shock.” He’s heard through intermediaries that Trump’s wrath was because of…
The recent dispute between AOC and Ted Cruz – where she tweeted how outrageous it was that the minimum wage is the cost of an airport croissant and he attempted to criticize her by implying…
Joe Biden has hit back at President Trump, tweeting an obviously doctored video of him fondling a clearly unhappy cat. “I hear he does terrible things to the poor creatures.” Biden has accepted that his…
President Trump sought to allay concerns that he is losing it mentally by explaining a recent comment he made that his father was born in Germany when Fred Trump was born in New York City….
After a successful April fool’s day of tricking close confidants into thinking she plans to run again, Hillary Clinton has decided to continue with her hilarious japing beyond April 1st. “People got such a kick…
Saying he was determined not to be derailed, Joe Biden today announced he has amputated both of his arms to remove any concerns that he would be a ‘handsy’ occupant of the White House. “Hopefully…
The legal status of the City of Pittsburgh has been turned on its head with the discovery of an agreement dating from the French Indian wars that was found in an archive at City County…
The United States has stolen New Zealand’s thunder when it comes to implementing sensible gun control in a straightforward and expedient matter in stunning fashion. The decision came following an emergency session of both houses…