Vice President Mike Pence was reported to be feeling ‘in the dumps’ today following his inability to become infected with the novel coronavirus as his boss and most of the administration already have. “He just…
(The White House) In a bid to save everyone’s time, the White House has announced that, going forward, it will update the media with the names of people working there who aren’t actively fighting a…
In Underworld news, Satan has announced he will not be fomenting evil in the hearts and minds of living souls for the next 14 days as he will be self-isolating out of an ‘abundance of…
MEDICAL BRIEF: As the public wonder about the side effects of President Trump’s medications – particularly the known tendency of high-dose steroids like the dexamethasone he is taking to cause, aggression, delirium and delusions of…
Concerns that the Vice President would be reluctant to concede to social distancing demands for the Vice Presidential debate were put to rest today when Pence’s negotiators said they require a comprehensive barrier separating Pence…
(The White House) The Press Secretary for Melania Trump has announced the First Lady will be departing the White House immediately to seek medical treatment after her outlook darkened considerably. “She’s just not comfortable here…
(Bethesda, MD) Following a brief car journey to wave to his supporters outside the Walter Reed National Military Hospital where he is in residence, President Trump took to twitter tonight to reassure them he will…
(Pyongyang, DPRK) After seeing him give an update on President Trump’s condition, Kim Jong-un today extended an invitation to Dr. Sean Conley to head up the State Media apparatus of the nation he rules with…
Senator Mitch McConnell has announced he has received a serious diagnosis, following President Trump’s revelation that he has tested positive for the coronavirus and has experienced symptoms. “I too have been informed that I am…
The face of the coronavirus task force, Dr. Anthony Fauci, has been hospitalized after suffering a severe outbreak of facepalming syndrome, it was revealed today. Though Dr. Fauci developed the debilitating condition earlier this year,…
Saying that it was revising its format in light of how Tuesday night went, the 2020 Commission On Presidential Debates has secured the use of a well-known prop from the classic 1991 thriller, The Silence…
The Biden campaign is dealing with significant blow-back after the Democratic challenger called President Trump a clown during the first of the 2020 Presidential debates. In a match-up described universally as a ‘shit show’, many…
Democratic challenger Joe Biden today announced his guest list for the first 2020 Presidential debate, which is made up of over two decades of President Trump’s tax returns. “I was so happy to learn they…
Despite facing the near certainty that President Trump and Mitch McConnell will succeed in appointing yet another conservative to the US Supreme Court, Democrats appeared buoyant today after settling on a response should they assume…
(Moon, PA) A local rally held by President Trump has been declared an overwhelming success by Republican SuperPAC “Viruses For Trump”, who said the event was one of their best to date during the current…
(Atlanta, GA) The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, following guidance from the Trump administration, has announced it is reversing its longstanding support of the Germ Theory of Disease, which maintains that microorganisms known as…
Following the passing of liberal Supreme Court icon Ruth Bader Ginsburg and the flagrant assertion by Mitch McConnell that he will secure a hearing of Trump’s nominee despite the looming election, the producers of Hulu…
A new poll asking voters who they would like to see prevail in 2020 has been won by a surprise candidate, Extinction Level Event, that had previously been written off by political observers as having…
(North Pole) Santa Claus has issued a statement formally apologizing in advance for any gifts that are incorrectly delivered this year and promised his customer service elves would do their best to correct the anticipated…
(Washington DC) Former fastest-ever-human Usain Bolt lost his world-breaking record today, when his remarkable display of speed was abruptly smashed in decisive fashion. The stunning new land-speed record for a human being was set by…