The Supreme Court has ruled against the Trump Administration saying that immigrant children in detention must be given toothpaste and access to a place where sleep is possible. The decision was immediately denounced as wrong…
An immigrant woman in the New York City area has been informed she has overstayed her welcome in the United States and is to be expelled from the country. ICE officials said the deportion was…
A 70-year-old Iowa Congressman, who recently opined that the human population might not exist were it not for rape and incest, has been facing calls for his resignation. That is until someone came up with…
Developing story…
A corrections officer has cleared up the mystery of how Jeffrey Epstein was able to kill himself in prison, after admitting he had misinterpretated his instructions for that day. “I thought I was put on…
(The White House) After being in a buyant mood following his retweet of a theory suggesting the Clintons had Jeffrey Epstein killed in prison, President Trump has been feeling down today. Aides confirmed it was…
The race for the Democratic nonimation for President was completely upended today, with the release of new polls with a hitherto unknown contender topping all of them. “It’s Green Shirt Guy all the way!” Though…
A politician, who asked not to be named, had a moment of panic this week when he realized he wouldn’t be able to let people know he was send ings thoughts and prayers after a…
The city of El Paso is suffering yet again today as local officials learned that a dangerous member of the Alt-Right is visiting the area. Though he is just there to look around, they say…
Following an error by President Trump in which he refered to the tragic shooting in Toledo, Ohio, instead of where it actually happened, residents of Dayton are encouraging him to visit the lakeside city as…
Sensing it is finally time for action to combat gun violence, leading Republicans today proposed tighter restrictions on gun sales where they say it matters most – in first player video games. “As the root…
Adopting an uncharacteristic somber tone in light of recent tragedies, President Trump today promised to reach out to all assault rifles in their time of need. “You are probably feeling very vulnerable right now, but…
The physician treating Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell for a fractured shoulder bone has spoken to the press about the injury, saying he has prescribed an intensive course of thoughts and prayers. “I ordered him…
An exclamation point at the end of one of President Trump’s tweets expressed confusion today after realizing it was at the end of a condolence tweet regarding recent tragic events in El Paso and Dayton….
The media in the United States today resolved to address a serious problem facing society – how to fit in all the news given the frequency of mass shootings these days. “People expect us to…
Insisting that he did not make a mistake during the last Democrat debate, former VP Joe Biden (now Joe 30330) explained that he recently changed his surname. “Joe 30330 doesn’t make mistakes. He’s cool. He’s…
President Trump’s claim that there are too many rats living in Baltimore hit close to home today, after it came out that close advisor and son-in-law Jared Kushner was landlord to many of them. “It’s…
Fox News host Tomi Lahren has issued an apology to Kamala Harris for suggesting she ‘slept her way to the top’, saying it was an innocent misunderstanding. “I mistakenly assumed that female promotion in the…
The White House has confirmed Presidnet Trump initiated yet another call to Vladimir Putin, after the fact of that call was released by a Russian Government twitter feed. White House officials said there was no…
(Pyongyang, DPRK) After already being spoiled by the premature release of a coin by President Trump to celebrate the nuclear summit between the USA and North Korea before it was clear it would happen, numismatists…