(Bethesda, MD) Doctors at the Walter Reed National Military Medical Center were ordered to practice keeping a straight face today in preparation for the annual physical exam of the President. “Think of the funniest most…
Embattled Virginia Governor Ralph Northam now has a strong ally fighting his corner as he resists calls to step down in light of a racist 1984 yearbook photo in which he was either they guy…
President Trump today acknowledged he may have to shift to the right from his current moderate position due to a credible primary challenge from a more extremist candidate. The identity of the challenger is as…
Roger Stone has complained to the parlor where he got his infamous Nixon back tattoo, after it started to degrade recently. The artist responsible said he was perplexed by what was happening to his work….
(State Department) Secretary of State Mike Pompeo took time today to explain the President’s decision to suspend a nuclear arms treaty with Russia in light of how negatively it has been received. “The reason is…
Fears that President Trump’s State Of The Union address would only be comprised of his usual pointless bluster were put to rest today with news that he plans to unveil a bold new way for…
President Trump was unhappy today to see his Cabinet was not properly decorated for the first day of February as Ben Carson had not been brought out. But he soon accepted responsibility for the oversight….
(The White House) At a hastily arranged briefing yesterday, Sarah Huckabee Sandars revealed a dramatic change in how the President planned to operate in light of recent developments. “President Trump will be making decisions without…
Facing criticism that he opposed making election day a holiday because higher turnout would favor Democrats and because he’s just plain mean, Mitch McConnell has announced he is in favor of making it a paid…
Having remained elusive since the dawn of time so his followers could perceive the profound mysteries of faith, God broke his cover at approximately 6.34 pm on Wednesday 30th January 2019 to reject assertions made…
Senate Majority leader Mitch McConnell apologized to colleagues today if his voice was unclear, blaming the cold weather created by the Polar Vortex. “Below a certain temperature, retracting my head into my body becomes an…
President Trump said he felt for the millions of Americans suffering from the extreme cold temperatures caused by the Polar Vortex, and wanted to help out by offering them some useful advise. “Simply relocate to…
(Moscow) In some welcome news for President Trump, the Kremlin has announced that he will not be facing a challenge to be their stooge again in 2020. “He basically has a lock on it at…
(Caracas,Venezuela) The government of Venezuela condemned efforts by the United States to interfere in its internal affairs today, saying that such attempts were in flagrant violation of international order. “One sovereign Banana Republic does not…
(Washington, DC) As the polar vortex causes temperatures to plunge, residents of Washington DC are seeking hot air anyway they can, with thousands of them gathering around President Trump. “Keep talking Mister President.” Happy to…
A U.S. Government worker furloughed during the Clinton administration emerged from a densely forested area outside Washington D.C today seeking shelter from the bitter cold. The federal employee was told to go home in 1995…
President Trump is engaging in urgent consultations, including with Democrats, about the very real possibility of a comprehensive border wall after the general population has suddenly come out massively in favor of funding one. There…
Saying times were rough financially and that he needed to parlay his experience in government into something lucrative, former Trump Press Secretary Sean Spicer today announced the formation of Spicer Lying Consultants. “We will be…
Dirty greenhouse-gas-belching coal pants across the United States apologized today for failing to avert the present cold snap by raising global temperatures drastically. “Unfortunately, mother nature got one by us, but it won’t happen again…
Former Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz has signaled his intention to run for the White House in 2020. What was initially thought to be a divisive, threadbare candidacy that would only help Trump was transformed today…