President Trump is being hailed today for his successful strategy of stopping the spread of the coronavirus in the United States by attacking the pathogen’s sense of self-worth. Medical experts say they have no scientific…
Pittsburgh has joined the list of cities that have banned their annual St. Patrick’s Day parade, following the announcement of an earlier ban across the whole of Ireland. Though the intent is to prevent the…
The coronavirus has indicated it will be keeping a low profile after being exposed to the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) meeting held recently in Maryland. It claims it was brought there by someone else…
Ted Cruz has indicated he will be self-quarantining following a potential exposure to the coronavirus, however the pathogen has said he should feel safe as it has no intention of infecting the Texas Senator. “I’d…
Despite his widely criticized non-response to the coronavirus threat, President Trump received praise today for his decision to fire task force leader Mike Pence and replace him with Daryl Dixon. “The appointment of Daryl can…
The coronavirus today gave its coveted endorsement to President Donald Trump to be returned to the White House for another four years in November. “He will create the conditions for growth that will allow us…
The CDC has issued a warning to the public about a new strain of idiot it has identified that believes the flu vaccine works just fine to prevent coronavirus infections. “We believe it mutated out…
As the coronavirus crisis worsens with multiple deaths in the United States, task force leader Mike Pence anounced he and his team have achieved a major breakthrough that could turn the tide. “After many hours…
Proving that there’s nothing more satisfying than successfully pulling off a good ruse, more committed pranksters killed themselves today to perpetuate the appearance of a deadly viral outbreak that has much of the world totally…
(Pittsburgh, PA) Word has leaked early of a major public works project to begin later this year with a projected end date sometime in the late 2020s. The mammoth undertaking will carve the likenesses of…
To boost the confidence of an anxious public, the White House today released a photo of the coronavirus task force hard at work to safeguard the public and prevent community transmission. Inside sources reported that…
After being touted as the answer to containing the spread of coronavirus in the United States, heavy metal band Elements Of Medical today informed President Trump via twitter that it was unable to be of…
(Cranberry, PA) A local Trump supporter expressed dissatisfaction with her local Barnes & Noble today when she couldn’t find a single copy of the novel coronavirus which she has been looking forward to getting her…
(Houston, TX) Medical Professionals at the John S Dunn Burn Center at the Memorial Hermann Medical Center have confirmed the they are treating the junior Senator from Texas, Ted Cruz, who was admitted late last…
After days of relentless accusations by Rush Limbaugh, White House Chief of Staff Mick Mulvaney, and the rest of the right wing media, the coronavirus known as COVID-19 admitted today that everything they are saying…
The first full meeting of Mike Pence’s coronavirus task force failed to make much headway today, as members failed to agree on a number of key issues. Problems began almost immediately when a microbiologist, during…
Hot on the heels of his inspired selection of Vice President Mike Pence to contain the spread of the coronavirus within the United States, President Trump today announced his next great leap forward in combating…
Coronavirus czar Mike Pence has wasted no time getting down to business as he met with leading medical experts today to learn the scale of the task he has been entrusted with by President Trump….
(The White House) Following the appointment of Mike Pence to be his coronavirus czar, President Trump today described the steps already taken by him and his staff to prevent transmission of the deadly pathogen. “I…
Vice President Mike Pence said during a White House press conference that he has drawn up a comprehensive plan of attack to contain coronavirus infections in the United States. “No thoughts or prayers will go…
