Sex

Politics, Sex September 18, 2018

President Asks To See Copy Of Stormy Daniels Book With All The Words Taken Out

(The White House) With the sensational memoir by Stormy Daniel already shipping advanced copies, President Trump insisted today a copy be obtained for him. Staffers feared the contents would infuriate the notoriously bad-tempered Trump but…

God Stuff, Law & Order, Sex August 31, 2018

Pope Orders Clergy To Give Up Sexual Abuse For Lent

Proving that he is a man of action and not just words, Pope Francis has taken a bold first step towards reform in the wake of renewed evidence of the extent of sexual abuse of…

Politics, Sex August 29, 2018

Trump Disputes Stormy Daniels Claim He’s Bad In Bed “No-one puts in a better two minutes than me!”

President Trump wasted no time disputing a claim made by Stormy Daniels in a Vogue interview in which she claimed he was bad in bed. “Not true. So not true. Sad!” In the article, when…

Politics, Sex June 1, 2018

Trump Calls Out Samantha Bee “I would never say grab her by the c**t”

President Trump has joined in the criticism of comments made by Samantha Bee, saying her choice of vulgarities was wrong and disrespectful to women. “There’s locker talk and then there’s just plain filth.” Trump asserted…

Arts & Entertainment, God Stuff, Sex May 24, 2018

God Distances Himself From Longtime Collaborator Morgan Freeman

In an effort to get ahead of the damaging story enveloping him, God has released a statement regarding his frequent portrayer Morgan Freeman, who stands accused of improper behavior by a number of women. “Despite…

Sex, Technology April 1, 2018

Facebook To Manage Entire Breakup Process Automatically In Future

[Menlo Park, CA] Facebook has announced that is about to get a lot more involved in your relationships. Initial reports suggested its new ‘breakup tools’ would offer the option to hide your ex’s status updates…

Politics, Sex, Uncategorized March 26, 2018

Stormy Daniels Demands 3 Billion In Return For Not Describing Trump Naked

After convincing America she is a very credible and articulate individual capable of drawing a vivid picture in people’s minds through the power of words alone, Stormy Daniels issued a demand today for 3 billion…

Politics, Sex, TV March 25, 2018

Millions Of Pornhub Addicts Bitterly Disappointed by 60 Minutes

CBS is saying it is pleased with the viewing figures it received for its 60 minutes interview of Stormy Daniels by Anderson Cooper, though a backlash may be looming after Nielsen figures reveal many were…

Bigotry, Critters, Politics, Sex March 22, 2018

Easter Bunny Confirms Rumors That Marlon Bundo Is Gay

The Easter Bunny has weighed in on the pressing matter of Marlon Bundo’s sexuality, saying he can confirm that the Pence family pet is gay. “Maybe not gay exactly but definitely bi, which I can…

Health, Politics, Sex March 15, 2018

“I Need To Be Free To Talk To A Therapist About Seeing Trump Naked” Says Stormy Daniels

As she continues to seek a way out of the hush agreement constraining her, Stormy Daniels explained today that her wish to be legally allowed to discuss her involvement with President Trump is not motivated…

Politics, Sex March 7, 2018

Handwriting Experts Back Stormy Daniels “A Tiny Hand Did Not Sign This Contract”

The adult actress Stormy Daniels, aka Stephanie Clifford, is suing President Trump on the basis that a contract designed to silence her about their relationship was not signed by him. She alleges this renders ‘null-and-void’…

God Stuff, Gun Control, Politics, Sex February 20, 2018

Roy Moore Willing To Listen To Teenage Girls On Gun Control Issue

Saying this is a vital issue on which teenagers should get to speak their mind, former U.S. Senate candidate Roy Moore offered to hear the other side on gun control today. “Shooters are mostly men,…

Politics, Sex February 15, 2018

Michael Cohen Apologizes To Melania 130,000 Times For No Particular Reason

Trump lawyer Michael Cohen went on record today about reports that he has issued 130,000 apologies to First Lady Melania Trump over the past few weeks. “It was standard stuff like ‘I’m sorry’ and ‘My…

Politics, Sex, World February 6, 2018

Trump Orders Pentagon To Plan Biggest Penile Compensation In U.S. History

President Trump has reportedly instructed his military chiefs to organize the biggest penile compensation ever held in the United States to take place in Washington, DC, this Veterans Day. Though other countries like Russia and…

Bigotry, Sex February 4, 2018

North Carolina Warns Canadian National Anthem Not To Pee In Its Bathrooms

After learning it had altered itself to become gender neutral, North Carolina has warned the Canadian national anthem ‘O Canada’ not to avail itself of bathroom facilities anywhere in the state. “We won’t tolerate none…

Law & Order, Sex January 24, 2018

Larry Nassar Thrown Surprise Welcome Party On First Day Of Sentence

As he started his sentence of 40 to 175 years, convicted sex offender Larry Nassar got a touching surprise today, as fellow inmates Jared Fogle and Jerry Sanduski threw a surprise welcome party for their…

Politics, Sex January 22, 2018

Stormy Daniels Granted Official Status As First Pornstar

Adult actress Stormy Daniels is now to be officially known as First Pornstar, after a pro forma procedural vote was taken in both Houses of Congress today. The title is a result of the invocation…

Bigotry, Politics, Sex January 20, 2018

Mike Pence Confined To DC Alleyway By High Density Of Women In Town For March

Vice President Mike Pence apologized for not being able to perform his duties today after the presence of thousands of protesting women in downtown Washington DC, combined with his strict refusal to ever be alone…

Politics, Sex January 17, 2018

Porn Industry Worried Association With White House May Tarnish Its Image

(San Fernando Valley, CA) Following further revelations about President’s Trump’s alleged affair with adult actress Stephanie Clifford, aka Stormy Daniels, the adult film business is worried that being associated with this White House could affect…

Law & Order, Politics, Sex December 11, 2017

Roy Moore Postpones Interview With 12-Year-Old Girl For Two Years

(Birmingham, AL) In an unusual twist in the Alabama Senate race, a pro-Trump super PAC arranged for a 12-year-old girl to interview controversial candidate Roy Moore. The tweenage reporter, who was a hit at the…

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