Senate Majority leader Mitch McConnell has announced his re-election campaign, which he says will start in earnest after a short vacation at the beach for his annual mating ritual. “Though the mating season runs from…
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Vice President Mike Pence has thanked his staff for their service, saying he no longer needed their services now that the Apocalypse was upon us. “Some of you I may seen again soon, and to…
Social media is being flooded with pictures of President Trump with Florida businesswoman ‘Cindy’, the founder of the massage parlor in which Patriots owner Robert Kraft was busted. This has led to questions of whether…
(The White House) President Trump has reportedly been spending a lot more time in the men’s locker room these days, though not to exercise, but to brag to male staffers about his CPAC exploits out…
Proving that he is a man of action and not just words, Pope Francis has taken a bold step towards reform in the wake of overwhelming evidence of the extent of sexual abuse of minors…
Local couple Greg and Stacy Denardo are trying to save money, which is why they will be resisting the temptation to venture out to one of Pittsburgh’s fine restaurants this Valentine’s Day. “Why spend the…
In a remarkable turnaround, leading Democrats have agreed to fund President Trump’s border wall in full, despite refusing to do so even in the face of a government shutdown. “We are releasing the money as…
Citing egregious and unabashed discrimination of the worst kind, Janet Jackson’s nipple filed suit today seeking tens of millions of dollars in damages from broadcaster CBS and the National Football League. The action was triggered…
Internet streaming site Pornhub has alerted the White House that someone in the building is streaming content from their servers for hours at a time during the workday. “We feel it’s our duty to let…
(The White House) With the sensational memoir by Stormy Daniel already shipping advanced copies, President Trump insisted today a copy be obtained for him. Staffers feared the contents would infuriate the notoriously bad-tempered Trump but…
President Trump wasted no time disputing a claim made by Stormy Daniels in a Vogue interview in which she claimed he was bad in bed. “Not true. So not true. Sad!” In the article, when…
President Trump has joined in the criticism of comments made by Samantha Bee, saying her choice of vulgarities was wrong and disrespectful to women. “There’s locker talk and then there’s just plain filth.” Trump asserted…
In an effort to get ahead of the damaging story enveloping him, God has released a statement regarding his frequent portrayer Morgan Freeman, who stands accused of improper behavior by a number of women. “Despite…
[Menlo Park, CA] Facebook has announced that is about to get a lot more involved in your relationships. Initial reports suggested its new ‘breakup tools’ would offer the option to hide your ex’s status updates…
After convincing America she is a very credible and articulate individual capable of drawing a vivid picture in people’s minds through the power of words alone, Stormy Daniels issued a demand today for 3 billion…
CBS is saying it is pleased with the viewing figures it received for its 60 minutes interview of Stormy Daniels by Anderson Cooper, though a backlash may be looming after Nielsen figures reveal many were…
The Easter Bunny has weighed in on the pressing matter of Marlon Bundo’s sexuality, saying he can confirm that the Pence family pet is gay. “Maybe not gay exactly but definitely bi, which I can…
As she continues to seek a way out of the hush agreement constraining her, Stormy Daniels explained today that her wish to be legally allowed to discuss her involvement with President Trump is not motivated…
The adult actress Stormy Daniels, aka Stephanie Clifford, is suing President Trump on the basis that a contract designed to silence her about their relationship was not signed by him. She alleges this renders ‘null-and-void’…
Saying this is a vital issue on which teenagers should get to speak their mind, former U.S. Senate candidate Roy Moore offered to hear the other side on gun control today. “Shooters are mostly men,…