Trump lawyer Michael Cohen went on record today about reports that he has issued 130,000 apologies to First Lady Melania Trump over the past few weeks. “It was standard stuff like ‘I’m sorry’ and ‘My…
President Trump has reportedly instructed his military chiefs to organize the biggest penile compensation ever held in the United States to take place in Washington, DC, this Veterans Day. Though other countries like Russia and…
After learning it had altered itself to become gender neutral, North Carolina has warned the Canadian national anthem ‘O Canada’ not to avail itself of bathroom facilities anywhere in the state. “We won’t tolerate none…
As he started his sentence of 40 to 175 years, convicted sex offender Larry Nassar got a touching surprise today, as fellow inmates Jared Fogle and Jerry Sanduski threw a surprise welcome party for their…
Adult actress Stormy Daniels is now to be officially known as First Pornstar, after a pro forma procedural vote was taken in both Houses of Congress today. The title is a result of the invocation…
Vice President Mike Pence apologized for not being able to perform his duties today after the presence of thousands of protesting women in downtown Washington DC, combined with his strict refusal to ever be alone…
(San Fernando Valley, CA) Following further revelations about President’s Trump’s alleged affair with adult actress Stephanie Clifford, aka Stormy Daniels, the adult film business is worried that being associated with this White House could affect…
(Birmingham, AL) In an unusual twist in the Alabama Senate race, a pro-Trump super PAC arranged for a 12-year-old girl to interview controversial candidate Roy Moore. The tweenage reporter, who was a hit at the…
Aspiring US Senate candidate for Alabama Roy Moore was said to be hugely disappointed today after learning how old the interns who work there over the summer are. “Some of them look like they are…
Facing intense pressure from his fellow senators, Al Franken has resigned his seat as the junior Senator from Minnesota following a number of allegations that he had acted inappropriately towards women. Franken said this has…
Disgraced Hollywood mogul expressed regret today over how he has led his life, saying he is plagued with remorse over not handling things differently. “Why oh why didn’t I jump into Republican politics when I…
Amid accusations that they will stoop to nothing to win, including endorsing accused sexual predator Roy Moore, senior Republicans came out today to say there most definitely is a line of decency they would not…
Fired Today Show host Matt Lauer says he is ‘soul searching’ following his dramatic fall from grace in recent days, and is also trying to find the resolve to undertake the difficult task of explaining…
(Montgomery, AL) In what some of his supporters are describing as caving in to political correctness, US Senate Candidate Roy Moore today pledged to only hit on 15-year-olds if elected. Moore said the change was…
Insisting that the Christian Right were getting it all wrong, God today issued more commandments in an effort to get the people who claim to be his most vociferous devotees on the proper path. In…
Alabama Senate candidate Roy Moore took time today to explain his opposition to abortion, which he says is very personal to him. “I’m in my early seventies so the fetus you want to abort could…
An already anxious public wondering who would be next in the #MeToo saga enveloping Hollywood today learned the terrible truth that Portia de Rossi says acting legend Seven Seagal sat her down and unzipped his…
With all eyes in Hollywood on the prize for Best Picture at the 2018 Academy Awards, a movie untainted by scandalous association rates it’s prospects at a very healthy 50-50. The film’s producers, who somehow…
(Pittsburgh, PA) Following the abrupt decline and fall of nationally-known comedian Louis CK, and an icky storyline involving Aziz Ansari, local stand-up Jack Fap revealed today how he manages to be both hip and edgy…
Hours after a New Yorker story leaked saying President Trump joked that Mike Pence wanted to “hang all the gays”, the Vice President has hit back publicly at what he calls a vile insinuation. “I…