The Los Angeles Chargers have offered Jill Biden a $10 million dollar contract to play right guard, the NFL team’s front office announced today, and they hinted that figure can go up if necessary. “Jill…
(Pittsburgh, PA) Word has leaked early of a major public works project to begin later this year with a projected end date sometime in the late 2020s. The mammoth undertaking will carve the likenesses of…
(Pamplona, Spain) Noting how much he enjoyed his appearance at the Daytona 500, the Kingdom of Spain has officially invited President Trump to attend the 2020 Running Of The Bulls festival this summer in the…
Following the embarrassing release of an incorrect photo of President Trump’s flyover of the Daytona racetrack – which was quickly revealed to be a flyover made by President Bush in 2004 – the Trump campaign…
The Daytona 500 race got off to a rocky start today after a fan gained access to the track with his personal automobile. Though usually a feature of soccer games where it is not uncommon…
A group of Kansas City Chiefs fans coming down from the high of their Super Bowl victory took time today to discuss a troubling aspect of one of their friends’ fandom. Though he appeared to…
(Kansas City, ??) Residents of Kansas City awoke to find themselves not just Super Bowl champions but also part of a different state today. It followed the altering of the border of the State of…
In what is perhaps the greatest Super Bowl upset of all time, the State of Kansas has won the cherished Lombardi trophy despite not having a single NFL franchise. State officials said they were as…
The answer to the question of what Tom Brady and coach Bill Belichick will be cheating at this year instead of the Super Bowl has been answered after Brady tweeted a picture of the pair…
Adding to the hagiography surrounding the late Kobe Bryant, a local man – who preferes to remain nameless – recounted today how Kobe Bryant taught him that you didn’t have to accept your dismal lot…
With Super Bowl LIV in Miami only hours away, the NFL has released details of the security precautions it is taking to protect the game from Antonio Brown. “Given that it’s taking place in Miami…
As the question and answer session in the Impeachment Trial wore on today, a bored-looking Chief Justice Roberts – who has to read out all the questions himself – resorted to translating the anodyne queries…
The Senate Trial of President Trump yielded not just one but two new World records this week according to Guinness World Records. The organization said the new records won’t be formally announced until Justice Roberts…
Representatives of UFC mixed martial arts champion Conor McGregor announced a major advertising endorsement deal today with Ireland’s leading manufacturers and distributors of genuine Aran sweaters. The revelation is believed to be cleverly timed to…
In a sign of his increasing comfort as a starter in the NFL, Pittsburgh Quarterback Delvin Hodges was seen practicising his duck calling during plays in his most recent outing. Hodges said that, though football…
(Glendale, AZ) After Pittsburgh football fans took over yet another opposing team’s stadium, turning an away game into an effective home game, they took it a step further this time during a matchup against the…
Steelers coach Mike Tomlin has gone from being a subject of abuse to the recipient of high praise this season. The decision to pull Mason Rudolf in favor of Delvin ‘Duck’ Hodges during the win…
Pittsburgh woke up to a new reality today after learning that it is now officially at war with the nearby city of Cleveland. Though a low-level conflict between the two cities has existed for decades,…
New England fans are paying their respects to their former star quarterback who has been put down by his coach. “Tom Brady will not be forgotten.” Shortly after the loss, Belichick asked Brady to meet…
(Denver, CO) The State of Colorado is celebrating today after learning that President Trump has decided to build a big beautiful wall for its many climbing enthusiasts using Federal dollars. “Given how outdoorsy we are…
