Steelers

Sports, Steelers December 17, 2018

Belichick Takes Brady Round Back Of Heinz Field And Puts Him Out Of His Misery

As the Steelers celebrate their victory over the Patriots, New England fans paid their respects to their former star quarterback today, who was put down by his coach in Pittsburgh last night. “Tom Brady will…

Local, Sports, Steelers December 3, 2018

Pittsburgh Police Investigating Theft Of NFL Game On Sunday Night

(Heinz Field) Pittsburgh Police are investigating the brazen theft of an NFL game alleged to have occurred on Sunday night in the North Side part of the city. The audacious crime is said to have…

Sports, Steelers, Uncategorized September 24, 2018

Tomlin To Coach Game In Ejector Seat To Hasten Dismissal If Steelers Lose

Saying he wasn’t happy about it but he’ll go along with the Rooneys’ wishes, Mike Tomlin has agreed to coach tonight’s game against Tampa Bay from an ejector chair on the sidelines. “I guess this…

Sports, Steelers, Uncategorized September 8, 2018

Pitt Blames Catastrophic 51-6 Loss To Penn State On Le’Veon Bell

After suffering a humiliating 51-6 thrashing by Penn State at Heinz Field, Pitt officials did not hesitate to squarely assign the blame at a post game conference. “I think we can all agree this is…

Sports, Steelers September 6, 2018

Le’Veon Bell Cryogenically Frozen To Protect His Body’s Long-Term Value

The question of whether running back Le’Veon Bell will play for the Steelers on Sunday appeared to be answered in the negative today, as his agent stressed protecting his client’s long-term value was the top…

Local, Sports, Steelers August 11, 2018

Bill Belichick Unimpressed By Steelers “You don’t cheat during the preseason!”

The Steelers deflategate controversy, in which an underinflated football was used during the preseason match-up with the Eagles, has blown over and is not expected to have any effect on the forthcoming campaign. One person…

Local, Sports, Steelers July 26, 2018

Antonio Brown To Continue Using Helicopter Throughout Season

Pittsburgh wide receiver and NFL hot property Antonio Brown has said his arrival at training camp via helicopter was no gimmick, as he plans to make it an integral part of his performance during the…

Politics, Sports, Steelers May 23, 2018

NFL Placekick Holders To Perform Their Role Standing Up From Now On

With the ruling that there will be fines for kneeling from now on, the NFL’s placekick holders have announced they are going to change their style of play for the coming season. “We don’t want…

Local, Sports, Steelers February 4, 2018

Breaking Burgh’s Guide To Bluffing Your Way Through A Super Bowl Party

(Pittsburgh, PA) So you accepted an invitation to your co-workers party on Sunday and – because you know absolutely nothing about sports – didn’t realize it was to watch the Super Bowl. Obviously you can’t…

Local, Sports, Steelers, Yinzer January 22, 2018

Steelers Fan Losing His Mind Over Which Super Bowl Team To Support

(Pittsburgh, PA) As if losing out on the chance to support his beloved hometown team wasn’t bad enough, local sports superfan Steve Blakowski is losing his mind over which side to support during Super Bowl…

Sports, Steelers November 27, 2017

NFL To Disband After Local Man Ends Debate On Which Team Is Best

(Pittsburgh, PA) In a shockingly sudden collapse, the NFL has come to an abrupt end after a local man, Hazelwood native Doug Bewski, pointed out it served no real purpose any longer. “We were watching…

Sports, Steelers March 2, 2017

Pittsburgh Steelers Commit To 99 Year Lease Of Linebacker James Harrison’s Body

The Pittsburgh Steelers have announced they have executed a 99 year lease of veteran linebacker James Harrison’s body which they say will be key to the team’s prospects over the next eight decades. “This is…

Sports, Steelers January 24, 2017

Roethlisberger Contemplating Retirement To Realize Dream Of Opening Tea Shop

Ben Roethlisberger has announced he is considering retirement from the NFL. Though he initially cited age and health as factors, the two-time Super Bowl champion later admitted the real reason was his impatience to realize…

Local, Sports, Steelers January 22, 2017

Patriots Promise To Not Cheat Using Methods They’ve Been Caught At

In advance of the AFC Championship game between the Pittsburgh Steelers and the New England Patriots, Quarterback Tom Brady has spoken out about concerns over cheating. “We will definitely not be cheating using any previously…

Law & Order, Local, Sports, Steelers, Yinzer January 11, 2017

Shock As Steeler Goes Drinking On South Side And Doesn’t Get Arrested

In a development that has most of Pittsburgh shaking their heads in utter disbelief, a prominent member of the Steelers is rumored to have gone to the South Side part of the city, had a…

Local, Sports, Steelers, Weather January 8, 2017

Steelers Win After Miami Dolphins Forfeit By Freezing To Death On Heinz Field

(Pittsburgh, PA) In an unusual twist, the Pittsburgh Steelers have emerged victorious from their first playoff game against the Miami Dolphins before half-time was reached. The game got off to an inauspicious start but the…

Local, Sports, Steelers January 5, 2017

Steelers Will Probably Try To Win The Super Bowl Says Tomlin

(Heinz Field) Mike Tomlin was taken to task by the cream of Pittsburgh’s sports journalists today, when one of their number asked the coach pointblank if the Steelers would try to win the Super Bowl….

Local, Politics, Sports, Steelers January 4, 2017

Pittsburgh To Accept 400,000 Cleveland Refugees In Grand Humanitarian Gesture

(Pittsburgh, PA) The Peduto administration has announced it is proceeding with plans to accept almost half a million refugees from Cleveland. The Major decided it had to be done after completing a personal tour of…

Sports, Steelers February 7, 2016

How To Bluff Your Way Through A Super Bowl Party

[Pittsburgh, PA] So you accepted an invitation to your co-workers party on Sunday and – because you know absolutely nothing about sports – you didn’t even realize it was to watch the Super Bowl. Obviously…

Local, Sports, Steelers January 10, 2016

Coach Tomlin Thanks Bills And Bengals For Their Unwavering Support

With a crucial win in Cincinnati under his belt, Coach Mike Tomlin took time to emphasize that his success to date was a team effort involving the Steelers, the Buffalo Bills, and, of course, the…

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