Transport

Local, Transport July 23, 2018

Pittsburgh Embarks On Bold Initiative To Develop Real Road System

(Pittsburgh, PA) At a brainstorming session for new initiatives to adopt at City Council today, someone – who exactly is not yet known at this time – suggested Pittsburgh implement a proper road system instead…

Bigotry, Transport, Travel April 19, 2018

United Announces One-Day Shutdown To Train Staff Not To Discriminate Against People Of Color, White People, Children, Dogs, Other Animals

Those traveling on United Airlines should check the dates of their flights, as the company announced today it will have a one-day shutdown at the end of the month to train staff not to discriminate…

Critters, Local, Transport February 26, 2018

Missing Dog Found Safe In Bigelow Boulevard Pothole

(Pittsburgh, PA) A missing dog, which had not been seen for days according to Oakland resident and owner Pat Rensiter, has thankfully been found safe in a pothole on Bigelow Bouvelard. The 75 pound canine…

Critters, Transport, Travel February 19, 2018

Gassy Airline Passenger Attempts To Place Blame On Emotional Support Skunk

A flatulent airline passenger who passed so much gas it resulted the flight being diverted is attempting to exploit recent news stories to place the blame elsewhere. “Must have been an emotional support skunk on…

Local, Technology, Transport February 15, 2018

UBER Debuts Flying Cars That Can Navigate Pittsburgh Streets Without Falling Apart

Ridesharing service UBER is by now a familiar sight on Pittsburgh streets, including its famed self-driving cars that are still in the test phase. In the latest development, they have announced their cars will start…

Parenting, Transport February 13, 2018

Rolls Royce SUV A Huge Hit With Embarrassed Rolls Royce Minivan Owners

Carmaker Rolls Royce has announced its first ever SUV, the Cannulin, which is creating a buzz among auto journalists and drawing a huge sigh of relief from owners of their minivan offering. “When we had…

Politics, Transport January 2, 2018

Trump Takes Credit For No Falling Anvil Deaths In 2017

President Trump took credit today for a report saying there were no deaths by falling anvil in the United States in 2017, while disputing figures saying there were no such deaths in the preceding years…

Technology, Transport November 17, 2017

US Navy’s Best Pilot Ordered To Turn Sky Penis Into Something Else

Admitting that one of their pilots drew a penis in the sky for a joke, the US Navy has said its best pilot has been ordered to Washington State to turn the offensive sky drawing…

Bigotry, Transport, Travel October 25, 2017

United Airlines Proud To Be Recognized For Treating All Races Like Crap

On the day that the NAACP issued a warning to black passengers about flying on American Airlines, United Airlines couldn’t resist issuing a press release gloating over how it wasn’t called out. “So disgusted to…

Bigotry, Sex, Transport September 27, 2017

Saudi Women Finally Allowed To Be Butt Of Bad Driver Jokes

In a move hailed by activists, women in the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia are to be granted the right to drive automobiles, together with the attendant privileges of being the subject of misogynist bad driver…

Local, Transport September 15, 2017

Pittsburghers Decry New Bike Lanes “We’re Still Learning To Drive The Old Roads”

Bike lanes are popping up all over Pittsburgh, and not without controversy, with critics saying it is unrealistic to expect city residents to adapt to a new road system when they are still in the…

Local, Technology, Transport, Yinzer July 19, 2017

Google Maps Updates Pittsburgh Directions Algorithm To Use More Defunct Landmarks

(Bakery Sq, Pittsburgh, PA) Google Maps have announced a complete revision of their algorithm for producing directions that will apply specifically to the Pittsburgh area. This is reportedly a direct result of feedback received through…

Politics, Transport, World July 15, 2017

Trump Demands Japan Allow Amelia Earhart To Fly Herself Back To The United States

After returning from his second trip to Europe in as many weeks, President Trump was finally briefed on dubious photographic evidence suggesting famed aviator Amelia Earhart might have survived her final flight and been taken…

Bigotry, Business, Sex, Technology, Transport June 21, 2017

UBER Managers To Stop Sexually Harassing People In Protest At CEO’s Removal

The forced resignation by UBER CEO Travis Kalanick may have satisfied investors, but his abrupt removal is not being taken well by many of the managers and engineers at UBER, who say they intend to…

Bigotry, Politics, Sex, Technology, Transport June 6, 2017

UBER Fires 20 Self-Driving Cars For Sexual Harassment Following Investigation

Ride-sharing company UBER has fired 20 of its self-driving automobiles over claims of sexual harassment following an in-depth internal investigation. The dramatic dismissal of the cars was revealed at a staff meeting at its headquarters…

Politics, Transport June 5, 2017

Trump Proposes Replacing Air Traffic Controllers With Traffic Lights And Tollbooths

President Trump unveiled a bold new inititive today to replace the current Air Traffic Control system that is run by the FAA. Describing it as hopelessly antiquated and expensive, Trump instead proposes using traffic lights,…

Transport May 14, 2017

Cake-Carrying Elderly Asian Man Wearing Yoga Pants Somehow Thinks He’s Going To Fly

Showing a remarkable degree of optimism as evidenced by the boarding card he held in his hand, a 73 year-old Asian-American man approached a gate agent today expecting to be allowed to fly to his…

Local, Transport April 27, 2017

Pittsburgh To Represent United States In Worst Driver World Championships This Fall

Pittsburgh has been ranked number one in the nation for bad driving, tying with New York City. Placing first means that Pittsburgh drivers will get to represent the United States in the World’s Worst Driver…

Business, Critters, Transport April 26, 2017

United CEO Says Dead Rabbit Was Belligerent And Obsessed With Joining Mile-High Club

In further bad news for United Airlines, an enormous bunny destined for a celebrity owner has been found dead in the cargo hold after a flight from London arrived at its destination of Chicago, Illinois….

Business, Transport April 17, 2017

Man Objects To Not Being Forcibly Removed From Spirit Airlines Flight

An elderly man complained today about not being forcibly removed from his Spirit Airlines flight after using the carrier for the first time. Wilbur Coattes of Fort Lauderdale was left wishing the flight he found…

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Breaking Burgh

A satirical blog serving Western Pennsylvania and beyond