Transport

Local, Technology, Transport, Yinzer July 19, 2017

Google Maps Updates Pittsburgh Directions Algorithm To Use More Defunct Landmarks

(Bakery Sq, Pittsburgh, PA) Google Maps have announced a complete revision of their algorithm for producing directions that will apply specifically to the Pittsburgh area. This is reportedly a direct result of feedback received through…

Politics, Transport, World July 15, 2017

Trump Demands Japan Allow Amelia Earhart To Fly Herself Back To The United States

After returning from his second trip to Europe in as many weeks, President Trump was finally briefed on dubious photographic evidence suggesting famed aviator Amelia Earhart might have survived her final flight and been taken…

Bigotry, Business, Sex, Technology, Transport June 21, 2017

UBER Managers To Stop Sexually Harassing People In Protest At CEO’s Removal

The forced resignation by UBER CEO Travis Kalanick may have satisfied investors, but his abrupt removal is not being taken well by many of the managers and engineers at UBER, who say they intend to…

Bigotry, Politics, Sex, Technology, Transport June 6, 2017

UBER Fires 20 Self-Driving Cars For Sexual Harassment Following Investigation

Ride-sharing company UBER has fired 20 of its self-driving automobiles over claims of sexual harassment following an in-depth internal investigation. The dramatic dismissal of the cars was revealed at a staff meeting at its headquarters…

Politics, Transport June 5, 2017

Trump Proposes Replacing Air Traffic Controllers With Traffic Lights And Tollbooths

President Trump unveiled a bold new inititive today to replace the current Air Traffic Control system that is run by the FAA. Describing it as hopelessly antiquated and expensive, Trump instead proposes using traffic lights,…

Transport May 14, 2017

Cake-Carrying Elderly Asian Man Wearing Yoga Pants Somehow Thinks He’s Going To Fly

Showing a remarkable degree of optimism as evidenced by the boarding card he held in his hand, a 73 year-old Asian-American man approached a gate agent today expecting to be allowed to fly to his…

Local, Transport April 27, 2017

Pittsburgh To Represent United States In Worst Driver World Championships This Fall

Pittsburgh has been ranked number one in the nation for bad driving, tying with New York City. Placing first means that Pittsburgh drivers will get to represent the United States in the World’s Worst Driver…

Business, Critters, Transport April 26, 2017

United CEO Says Dead Rabbit Was Belligerent And Obsessed With Joining Mile-High Club

In further bad news for United Airlines, an enormous bunny destined for a celebrity owner has been found dead in the cargo hold after a flight from London arrived at its destination of Chicago, Illinois….

Business, Transport April 17, 2017

Man Objects To Not Being Forcibly Removed From Spirit Airlines Flight

An elderly man complained today about not being forcibly removed from his Spirit Airlines flight after using the carrier for the first time. Wilbur Coattes of Fort Lauderdale was left wishing the flight he found…

Business, Transport April 15, 2017

Delta To Offer Overbooked Passengers Drugs And Sexual Favors In Return For Being Bumped

Following the PR disaster facing United Airlines over the forced removal of Dr. David Dao, Delta CEO Edward H. Bastian said it was time to think outside the box to ensure such situations don’t arise…

Business, Critters, Transport April 13, 2017

United Crew Refuse To Remove Scorpion From Flight By Force

A passenger on a United flight from Houston to Calgary has been stung by a scorpion that fell from an overhead bin during flight. Crew members were actually aware the scorpion was on board before…

Arts & Entertainment, Business, Transport April 12, 2017

United’s ‘Apology’ Starting To Come Together Three Days Into Previews

United’s eagerly anticipated show of being sorry for what happened on one of its flights is now well into its first week, with rumors abounding that the hugely expensive production is struggling. Theatre critics were…

Business, Transport April 12, 2017

United Ejects CEO Oscar Munoz From Plane At 39,000 Feet To Appease Shareholders

As United Airlines stock slide following the fallout from a man being violently ejected from one of its flights and poor management of the response by CEO Oscar Munoz, the board decided yesterday that he…

Business, Law & Order, Transport April 10, 2017

United Airlines CEO Drags Scheduled Guest Off CNBC Show To Deliver Public Apology

With his company in the doghouse over the forceful removal of a passenger from one of its flights on Sunday, United Airlines CEO Oscar Munoz was determined to get ahead of the story by issuing…

Law & Order, Transport April 10, 2017

United Airlines Launch Promotional Campaign Featuring Man Forcefully Taken Off Plane

United Airlines are being hammered on social media over video of a passenger who was seated being violently ejected from the plane in a move described as disturbing and unnecessary. However United Airlines are seeing…

Law & Order, Technology, Transport, World April 8, 2017

Italy Bans UBER In Bid To Preserve National Identity Of Never Being On Time

(Rome) A Italian judge has handed down a decision that bans UBER from operating anywhere in the country. The ride-sharing service intends to appeal, but this is considered a major blow. Though it was assumed…

Local, Transport April 8, 2017

Pittsburgh Asks Syrians Who Fixed Bombed Airbase To Help With Pothole Problem

Less than a day after being attacked by a salvo of 59 Tomohawk cruise missiles, Bashar al-Assad’s planes are back flying missions out of the al-Shayrat airbase in Syria. Though each missile carried a 1000 lb…

Business, Technology, Transport April 8, 2017

UBER Admits Its Driverless Technology Is Stolen From ‘As Seen On TV’ Robot Vacuum

A longstanding lawsuit between Google and UBER over self-driving cars has come to an end. Though a judge cleared UBER of the charge of stealing Google-sibling WAYMO’s driverless software, the ride-sharing company admitted under intense…

Science, Transport March 31, 2017

Local Conspiracy Theorist Already Posting About The Melting Point Of Highways

(Atlanta, GA) Local conspiracy theorist and permanently single man Derek Willard took barely 18 hours following the dramatic collapse of a section of interstate to start spouting ideas questioning the hidden hand behind the disruptive…

Bigotry, Sex, Transport March 26, 2017

United Gate Agent Excited He Gets To Decide What Women Must Wear To Fly

A United Airlines gate agent denied boarding to a number of young girls ostensibly for wearing leggings. Those who put dresses on over them were allowed to board, while those with nothing else to wear…

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Breaking Burgh

A satirical blog serving Western Pennsylvania and beyond