With temperatures set to plunge dramatically midweek, local forecasters are issuing their recommendations for how to deal with the seriously cold weather. “Leave Pittsburgh right now or prepare for death.” Even the President didn’t escape…
As temperatures plunge again with more precipitation on the way, City Government has finally taken the step that many have been urging for years. “The resolution to ban snow within City Limits is adopted.” The…
With Pittsburgh wondering exactly what happened to the snowmageddon they were so eagerly looking forward to this weekend, local station WTAE said it was switching up its forecasting method in a bid to be more…
As Pittburghers hold vigils and say goodbye to loved ones, Mayor Peduto has said there will be serious consequences if the current predicted snowfall turns out to be a false alarm. “I have ordered that…
(Belleau Wood, France, 11th November 2018) All was solemn in the Republic of France today as gentle rainfall everywhere marked the six hour anniversary of the victory over President Trump earlier in the day. “This…
The United Nations is facing criticism today for releasing a report that warns of catastrophic changes within a generation without considering the implications for users of the phrase “It’s not the end of the world”….
The National Weather Service has issued a warning that the same formation that struck the nation with such ferocity last Thursday will probably strike again later this week. “Do not underestimate the belligerence of this…
Whereas scientists and meteorologists have long warned people of the risk of getting wet during hurricanes and floods, they never before specified the liquid responsible. “Because we didn’t know.” But all that has changed now…
(Wilmington, NC) As if the damage caused by Hurricane Florence wasn’t bad enough, North Carolina was subjected to more misery today as what is being described by meteorologists as a very unpleasant and dangerous formation…
As Hurricane Florence continues to cause havoc throughout North and South Carolina, there have been widespread requests for help – and also for Republican legislators who banned scientific studies of the dangers of rising sea…
The largest ever gathering of White Supremacists is being held in North Carolina in Friday, according to very reliable sources. “All you tiki-torchbearers from Charlottesville, we want to see you in Myrtle Beach!” It’s been…
As FEMA prepared to ship masses of paper towels to the areas where Hurricane Florence is predicted to land, President Trump today promised his administration will do the utmost to help those affected. “You will…
Determined to make the best of a bad situation, Mayor Peduto has announced a new plan to accept that the rain isn’t ever going to let up and that Pittsburgh is now a partially submerged…
In a dramatic about-face, President Trump has announced he will sign up to the Paris agreement to limit climate change after all, and is even demanding stricter goals than the 2°C limit it calls for….
With temperatures stuck in the single digits, Pitt Engineering major Jason Friese said he has been forced to dig through the clothes in his dorm to find the longest pair of shorts he has in…
In a highly unusual meterological event, a level 3 hurricane named Ophelia is set to hit the Emerald Isle, leading to intense concern that a visit by President Trump may be imminent. “He went to…
President Trump is defending himself against criticisms of his recent comments that FEMA and the military won’t be in Puerto Rico forever, saying that does not mean aid will cease once they leave. “I have…
Already reeling from the devastating effects of hurricane Maria, Puerto Ricans are now facing another dangerous formation predicted to hit the island. “Landfall is expected on Tuesday, and it won’t be pretty.” Unlike Maria, which…
Everyone knows hurricanes – like lightening – never strike the same place twice, which is why President Trump says the next big hurricane will drive water into Mexico which will then flow into the United…
(Sarasota, FL) A grateful manatee rescued from a beach where it was stranded by receding waters due to hurricane Irma has said it plans to live life to the fullest from now on after being…