CDC Reverses Its Position On Germ Theory Of Disease

(Atlanta, GA) The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, following guidance from the Trump administration, has announced it is reversing its longstanding support of the Germ Theory of Disease, which maintains that microorganisms known as pathogens or ‘germs’ cause a wide variety of human ailments. 

“After a long hard look at the data we no longer feel in our gut that it holds true. The Germ Theory of Disease is Fake News.”

As such, they are now recommending against following tiresome medical protocols that were developed over the past century and a half during which the theory was believed to be valid.

“No longer will doctors have to scrub up before performing open heart surgery just to satisfy the radical left.”

A spokesperson said that prior CDC statements in support of Germ Theory were just drafts that had been improperly leaked over the course of the organization’s entire history. Pressed to explain how to account for the apparent prevalence of illness in the population, the CDC said the answer was clear.

“Witchcraft, obviously.”

The CDC said it will be engaging on a nationwide campaign in the coming weeks to educate Americans on how to avoid having their freedoms eroded by the Giant Germ Theory Hoax.

“Next time some ‘expert’ in a white coat tells you that you have sepsis or bacterial meningitis, just ignore them and live your life.”

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