It’s almost time for Game 7 in the World Series between the Cleveland Indians and the Chicago Cubs, a game no-one seriously believed would ever come to pass.
Cubs manager Joe Maddon revealed today that their unlikely comeback is no happy accident as they invoked the Devil to make it happen.
“We got this far by having sex orgies and offering up slaughtered goats, but I sense a human sacrifice is required to seal the deal.”
Their appeal has yielded a large number of die-hard Cubs fans more than willing to lay down their own lives for their beloved ballclub, but Maddon fears that won’t be enough.
“Unfortunately in Satan’s eyes even a hundred Cubs fans like that are not worth nearly as much as one unblemished newborn.”