Child Abusing Vatican Treasurer Sentenced To Being Treasurer Of Less Important Diocese

Having been found guilty of child sex abuse, Vatican Treasurer Cardinal Pell is to be severely punished by the Catholic Church for his crimes, a spokesperson for Pope Francis said today.

“Cardinal Pell will be moved elsewhere where he will have to come to terms with being treasurer of a smaller diocese in a more quiet environment.”

In addition, Cardinal Pell was warned that if he continued to abuse children in his new posting, he would then be moved on to an even smaller and more obscure diocese, where he would only be handling the loose change gathered at poorly attended rural services instead of huge sums he is used too.

“Think about that the next time you feast your eyes on the children of your congregants.”

Pope Francis added that he hopes this will send a message to all the clergy who think they can get away with sexual abuse.

“The demotions you will face will be real this time, and not just sideways moves.”

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