China And Nordstrom Sign Mutual Defense Treaty

Following threats by the President of the United States of America directed at Nordstrom, the upscale department store has accepted a defense guarantee offered by the Peoples Republic of China in an effort to forestall any forthcoming attacks.

President Xi Jinping confirmed the pact today by saying that any military attack upon Nordstrom would be considered the same as an attack on the Chinese mainland.

“Force directed against Nordstrom will be met with force”, warned the Chinese Premier, followed by a phrase that roughly translates to “Believe me”.

The pact is seen to be benefit both parties as China sells many of its products in Nordstrom, and for its part Nordstrom is a department store without a standing army that is being threatened by a madman who controls bombers and nuclear weapons.

There was a brief consideration by Nordstrom as the whether they could defend themselves but this was quickly dismissed. Though a determined a MacGyver-like employee could probably fashion some impressive weaponry using what was available in the home store and lingerie department, it would still be no match for the enormous military capacity that President Trump has at his disposal.

The mutual defense aspect of the treaty also requires that Nordstrom come to the defense of China should it be attacked, which will be explained in a memo to be distributed to employees tomorrow.

2 Comments on "China And Nordstrom Sign Mutual Defense Treaty"

  1. Good one, I’m pretty sure this is still satire as of today, right?

  2. Thank God! I feel safer already! Truly, your satire has saved my sanity. Bless you!

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